Love Scorns Conventions (humor)

1909

Sincere.
"Sir," said the young man, respectfully, "I am a poor man and you are a millionaire. It seems presumptuous in me, no doubt, to aspire to the hand of your daughter. But my love for her is so great that I cannot be stopped by such considerations. Love scorns conventions and conveniences. Ah, sir, will you give her to me?" The old magnate seemed interested. "But which of my four daughters do you want?" he asked, not unkindly. Eagerly the suitor made answer: "Oh, I'll leave that to you, sir."


A True Detective.
Running his hands underneath the chairs, the detective said: "This is a bachelor apartment. No women have been here for months."
"How do you know that?" inquired the reporter.
"Because, sir," the detective answered, wisely, "I find no chewing gum concealed about the place."— Cleveland Leader.


Her Little Plan.
The Spinster—Why, Mrs. Browning, what are you going to do with that pail?
The Widow—My late husband's last request was that his grave be kept green and as I am about to marry again I concluded to give it a coat of green paint.—Chicago Daily News.


Common Profanity.
"I'll be deviled!" said the ham.
"I'll be switched!" said the train.
"I'll be darned!" said the sock.
"I'll be stumped!" said the tree.
"I'll be blowed!" said the horn.
"I'll be hanged!" said the picture.
"I'll he dammed!" said the stream. -Judge.


The American Habit.
Briggs—I suppose if I accept your invitation to go to that dinner you will want me to make a speech.
Griggs—No, my dear fellow, you see it's this way. Everybody we have invited so far wants to make a speech, and what I am trying to do now in to get together a few listeners.—Life.


Scientific.
A Germ and a Goblin met one day. and the Goblin gave the Germ the wall. Grudgingly, however.
"I'd be as big a bugbear as you if only science had chosen to take me up as seriously!" muttered the Goblin, with a sour air.—Life.