A Funny Surprise

1901

This story is told by a man who dislikes nothing so much as to be asked questions: "My little girl is very fond of seashells," he said, "and, having been called to Atlantic City on business one day, I took advantage of the opportunity to run down to the beach to see if I could pick up a few. I was strolling along the sand, gathering a few shells and pebbles, which I placed in my handkerchief, when along came one of those old idiots who ask questions with their mouths which their eyes could answer.

"He smiled upon me and said: 'Fine day, isn't it? Are you gathering shells?'

" 'No, I snapped back, saying the first thing that popped into my mind; 'I'm looking for a set of false teeth I lost while in bathing.'

"He expressed his sympathy, and then his face lit up as his eye caught sight of a pink and white object on the sand. 'Well, I declare! Here they are now!' he exclaimed, and, sure enough, he picked up a set of false teeth lying right at his feet. I was too surprised to do anything but grab them and put them in my pocket. The funny part of it is that I never had a tooth pulled in my life. I wonder who that false set belongs to." — Philadelphia Record.

False Teeth Missed After "Tonic" Spree

Feb. 1920

"Must Have Swallowed 'Em," Loser Tells Jailer

EAST POINT, Georgia — Tom Williams, a pencil peddler, who imbibed too freely of hair tonic and landed in the police barracks, reports to the turnkey that he is short a set of false teeth and that during his uncertain wanderings he must have swallowed them.

A diligent search of the station house and surrounding territory failed to reveal the missing molars, and it was finally decided to take Tom over to the Grady Hospital, where an X-ray picture might be taken, to find out whether the liquor he drank was strong enough to pull the teeth on down with it.

Tom was somewhat skeptical about the X-ray, but anxiety as to the whereabouts of the teeth finally led him to consent to the experiment, which will be made when his nerves have become more settled.


Dime Chick Gets Prize

CROOKSTON, Minnesota — Several weeks ago Arthur Kirsch of Crookston bought a tiny chicken at a local five and ten cent store for a dime. Recently he entered the chicken at the Pennington County poultry show. It was adjudged to be a full-blooded white Leghorn and carried off a blue ribbon with a score of 92 points.

Fake Sleuths Dupe Boy From Kentucky

"Willie" Pays $5 to Escape Jail for No Offense.

SPRINGFIELD, Ill., May 20. – Folks, meet "Willie" Gross of Russell County, Kentucky.

Altho little Willie is 18 years old, he never saw a policeman, or rather a detective, until he came to the great capital of Illinois. And then his first experience with the detective was not what you might call real. As he sauntered up the street with his 6 feet and 2 inches he was approached by two pompous-appearing persons of the male sex.

"You're under arrest," they told Willie, who groaned in surprise as the men backed him into a door.

One displayed a tin shield like regular officers wear. The other hiked down the street.

While he was gone the other with the star got confident to William.

"Aw, say," he said, "I don't like to do this. I wouldn't either if----"

Well, Willie greased his palm with a five-spot note and was free.

But when he got away he didn't like it a bit, so he decided to go down to the jail and see what it was they had against him.

"Nothing," they told him.

Then Willie explained he had never seen a detective before. Now Willie is mad all over and he and the police are looking for the tin-star "slickers."



Insane Horse Attacks and Injures Farmer

Man's Life Is Saved by Timely Arrival of Help.

MOBERLY, Mo., May 20. – E. M. Harrison, a farmer near here, is nursing some severe wounds as the result of an encounter with a mad horse on his premises and he barely escaped with his life by putting up a strong fight and because of the timely arrival of help.

Harrison had been to town with the horse, always regarded as the most gentle animal on the place, and while there he had the horse shod. He had reached the barn on his return and was preparing to unharness the animal when it suddenly became enraged and attacked him without apparent cause.

It bit and pawed him and knocked him to the ground. Harrison kept his presence of mind, defending himself as best he could and calling for help. The horse embedded its teeth in his face, legs and arms. As a result the muscles of his legs and arms were badly lacerated and torn. Attending physicians say that while the wounds are painful, Harrison will recover from them.

He has been unable to determine what caused the animal to attack him unless it was temporary "insanity."



Hotel Collects False Teeth

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind., May 20. – Departing hotel guests forget many things in their hurry, but when they forget their false teeth they never call for them, according to Capt. James J. Coyne, superintendent of service as a downtown hotel.

Captain Coyne has just added another set of "store teeth" to his collection.

"They will never be called for," he said. "People are too sensitive about wearing them."

--All from The Saturday Blade, Chicago, May 22, 1920, page 7.