Where Grammar Came From

1917

Barbarous Macedonian Held Responsible for Invention

The world reached its highest known stage of intelligence before grammar was even invented, much less studied, Ernest C. Moore writes in the Yale Review.

I have had some curiosity to find out where and how so great a blight upon young life first came into being, and why it ever became a school study, and I find that the Greeks knew it not; that their triumphant literature and their matchless oratory came to flower before grammar was dreamed of; that it was not in any sense one of the great arts which they wrought out and with which they armed the human race; that after Greece had declined, a barbarous Macedonian made himself owner of all Egypt, and in order to surround himself with the most spectacular form of ostentation of which his vain mind could conceive, he set to collecting not only all the rare and precious objects and books and manuscripts there were in the world, but he capped it all by making a collection of the living men of the world who had any reputation anywhere for knowing and thinking.

Taking them from their homes where they had some relation to the daily necessities of human beings, and had really been of some use, he shut them up for life in one of his palaces at Alexandria, which the folks were in the habit of calling "the hencoop of the muses;" and out of sheer desperation, since they could do nothing better to amuse themselves, they counted the words in the books which real men had written, and prepared tables of the forms and endings which the users of words employed. The lifeless dregs of books which their distilling left we now call grammar, and study instead of books and even speech itself. In their lowest depth of indifference to the moving, pulsing life of man, not even the Alexandrians sank so low as that.

Most Men Write Poor English

1905

An observant student of daily history as recorded in the newspapers takes now a kindlier view of errors in "newspaper English" than before the recent excitement concerning the vice crusade had arisen.

"I have heard all sorts of excuses about the occasional bad English one sees in newspapers, the hurry with which it is written, and that kind of thing," he says; "but I never gave the arguments much thought until I read the correspondence brought forth from men not hurried and of undoubted education, by the recent discussion. Some of the notes which have thus passed have been practically unintelligible in just these spots where a clear and ambiguous meaning was most vital to the point involved. These epistles must certainly have been studied by their writers — at least there must have been time for such study — but they read as though they were dashed off in a moment. In addition to actual errors, some of them fail utterly to establish their arguments because of the forceful way in which they are expressed."


Eat Meatless Meals

A prosperous physician was lunching at his club the other day at a table adjoining that at which sat one of his patients, says the Chicago Inter Ocean. He ordered English plum pudding as a finish to his meal, and remarked as he attacked it, that he would not eat it except at a noon meal, when he knew he would get no bad results from its richness.

The lady thought it a good time to secure information without the customary fee, and asked a few questions on food. "The habit of placing the heaviest meal of the day at its close is responsible for a deal of digestive trouble, with its train of disease," he said. "It may be old fashioned to dine at noon, but it is healthful, and that counts for everything. It is a practice among many physicians to have a midday dinner and a supper in which no meat figures, but stewed fruit is a feature."

Mrs. Humphrey's Strong Feelings About Fashion

1911

Editorial Zingers

The truth is that the love of dress is, next after drink and gambling, one of the curses of our country. -- Mrs. Humphrey.

The Boston young woman who worked eight years on her trousseau must have had unusual, though not well founded, faith in the stability of the styles.

A Montreal doctor recently contributed a pint of his own blood to save the life of a patient. Some doctors seem to be actuated by a sincere desire to cure.

The autocrats of fashion may succeed in making women wear the ugly Turkish "harem" stress, but no autocrat now living will ever succeed in shutting women up.

"I know not where I am," cried a poetess in one of the magazines. English critics of American literature will wonder why she did not say: "I know not where I am at."

An English paper announces that Americans lack the sense of humor. That sounds like the argument of the man who satisfies himself by exclaiming: "You're another!"

A Canadian highbrow tells us that the temperature seven and a half miles above the earth is 90 degrees below zero. Let this be a warning to builders of skyscrapers.

Right Words and Their Uses

1914

It is said there are three ways in which one's personality is revealed to the world. The first is by one's appearance, face, manner, carriage and dress. These things appear to the eye. The second is the revelation in notes, letters, handwriting and spelling. The third and most important is in one's speech, that is, in the way of saying what one has to say. This is a test of one's education and good breeding.

Cultured people are keenly critical of those who make mistakes in pronunciation or grammar. A well-trained ear for music is very sensitive to false notes. A well-trained ear for correct sounds in language is sensitive in the same way.

Good advice was given by Lord Chesterfield in one of his letters to his son: "Never use favorite words, nor hard words, but take great care to speak correctly and grammatically and to pronounce properly."

Everyone realizes the necessity of practicing music, drawing, or any other art in order to become proficient, yet there in great neglect of the effort to practice the correct use of the English language.

Observation and memory should help one to correct bad habits in speech. Whenever an unfamiliar word or pronunciation is heard it is well to refer to a good dictionary, discover the meaning and proper pronunciation. This will stamp it indelibly in the mind. No study is more fascinating that that of words. The habit of spending time over a dictionary is to be encouraged.

It is incorrect to say donate for give, transpire for happen, loan for lend, preventative for preventive.

Care should be taken to pronounce address with the accent on the last syllable, and to pronounce catch to rhyme with match, not to say ketch.

Tuesday, new, duty and avenue are pronounced with the broad, clear "u," not Toosday, noo, dooty, avenoo.

It is illiterate to add letters where they do not belong and to say heighth for height, acrost for across.

A careless fault, as well as a breach of good form in expression, is to say "I am going to quit work," or "quit this place," instead of "stop work," or "leave this place."

Often we find careless speakers using the expression, "The two first houses." It is correct to say, "first two." There cannot be "two first." A moment's thought makes this clear in the mind.

An erroneous expression is "Between you and I." The rule that prepositions govern the objective case should be familiar to everyone.

A common error is in such sentences as "These kind of things." "Those sort of entertainment." The form should be: "Things of this kind." "Entertainments of that sort."

French derivatives should be avoided and good Anglo-Saxon words used. Therefore it is best to say station not depot; begin not commence.

Spelling vs. Other Things

1901

The Labors of Teachers Being Added to Daily

Anna Stuart Wroe writes to the Baltimore Sun: "It seems to me if I were a public school teacher — which, thank the fates, I am not — the present vacation would be peculiarly blessed and blissful, inasmuch as it succeeds such weary, harassing and anxious terms as was never known in the history of our public schools. At least, the poor teachers have a short respite from the eternal prod, and their first waking thought in the morning need not be 'What next?' — until September.

"Every day something new is introduced to add to the labors of teachers and scholars, and, it appears to me, so much that could be dispensed with. Of course it is right and proper for children to learn all they can, but surely the line must be drawn somewhere, as it is manifestly impossible to learn everything. Why not cut out a few of the 'isms and ologies' and abstruse studies that are all right in a college course, but needless for the average public school pupil, and pay more attention to such common subjects as spelling, punctuation, grammar and plain English composition?

"I am a typewriter, and during the past 11 years have had in my office 51 girls from the public schools, most of them from the eighth grade, and some having attended the high school one year or more, and I speak whereof know when I say that 49 of the above could not write a letter from dictation correctly to save their lives — correctly so far as spelling, punctuation, capitalization and paragraphing are concerned. Not three of the 49 had the remotest idea of dividing a word according to its syllables, and only today an eighth grade girl wrote the word 'transpose' with 'tr' on one line and the balance of the word on the next. I am told that each teacher is a law unto herself in this matter. What else the 49 girls knew it is not my province to ascertain, but I think everybody will admit that the aforesaid 'common branches' are of more practical value, especially where girls are compelled to support themselves, than so many things now taught, and of which they may at best get but a smattering; so, if there is not time for all, for goodness' sake let them at least be taught enough grammar, spelling and punctuation to enable them to write a decent English letter."

Wives Going Through Their Husbands' Pockets and Other Humor

Humor, 1908
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One Woman's Wrongs.
Mrs. Smallpurse (who found only a few dimes in her husband's pockets that morning)—I am just sick of this plodding along year after year. Why don't you do something to make money?
Mr. Smallpurse—I can't make any more than a living at my business, no matter how hard I work.
Mrs. Smallpurse—Then do something else. Invent something. Any American can invent.
Mr. Smallpurse (some months after) —My dear, I've hit it, and I've got a patent. My fortune is made.
Mrs. Smallpurse (delighted)—Isn't that grand! What did you invent?
Mr. Smallpurse—I have invented a barbed-wire safety pocket for husbands. — New York Weekly.

Wiser.
"He's been in Paris for a year, I believe. He must be very wealthy."
"Well, he used to have more money than he knew what to do with."
"You mean he isn't as wealthy as he was?"
"Oh, no; I mean he has been in Paris long enough to acquire more knowledge."

Documentary Evidence.
Her Mother—I should rather you would not go sailing with that young man, Clara; I don't believe he knows a thing about a sailboat.
Clara—Oh, but he does, mamma; he showed me a letter of recommendation from a New York firm he used to work for, and they speak very highly of his salesmanship.—The Circle.

A New Excuse.
"I suppose your husband is proud to contribute his share toward the support of our beautiful library?" "Yes," answered the woman with the slightly acid expression; "only John was none too industrious in the first place and now he's tempted to put in most of his time reading novels and trying to get his money's worth." —Washington Star.

The Telephone Girl's Amendment.
Said the business man with a grouch against the telephone central:
"One day I was calling a number and said, 'Get me on four hundred so and so.' The girl said, 'Fourteen-hundred so-and-so?' So the next time I called the number I thought I'd be forehanded.
"I said, 'Get me fourteen-hundred so-and-so.' And the girl asked, 'One four- oh-oh so-and-so'."

Didn't Need It.
Agent—Here's a book that will be welcome in every family. It contains all the rules of etiquette and directions for avoiding slips in grammar.
Hiram Grasscutt—Don't need nothin' of that kind. Got a daughter hum from boardin' school, a son goin' to high school an' a hired man who's a college feller workin' fer his health. But, by jing, partner, it's a relief to talk once in a while to a common, ordinary person. I don't need the book, but I'm darned glad you called.

It's All Right, Then.
She—You have kissed other girls, haven't you?
He—Yes; but no one that you know. — Harper's Weekly.

Many a man is buried in oblivion long before he is dead.

After calling a prisoner down the judge is apt to send him up.

--The Bayard Advocate, Bayard, Iowa, March 26, 1908.