She Rustled

1901

A London paper says that C. T. Yerkes, the American street railway magnate, now in London, recently received the following letter from a young woman:

"Dear Mr. Yerkes — I have seen by the papers how rich you are, and also I have seen your picture, which looks kind. So I thought I would tell you that my parents are poor and depriving themselves of many comforts in order to give me a good education. Among my school friends there is a gymnastic club, of which I am a member, and all the girls wear silk skirts, and it gives me the horrors to feel I can't have one when I hear the fascinating rustle of their petticoats. Would you send me $5 to buy one? Yours," etc.

Mr. Yerkes received the unique epistle from his secretary and, to the latter's astonishment, exclaimed: "Send her the money. It will give more pleasure than if invested in any other way." The money was sent, and the acknowledgment was as follows: "Dear Mr. Yerkes — Thanks so much for the money. I invested it and can now rustle with the others."

Too Extravagant By Half

1901

The manner in which one defaulting cashier was detected was rather peculiar. It was all due to the curiosity of the women of his neighborhood. He went to no expense in the way of dressing, they never heard of his gambling or drinking to any extent, he was a model husband, but he loved a good table. There was nothing unusual in this, but one day when the ladies of the vicinity were discussing the best method of cooking meats the wife of the cashier declared very innocently that her husband doted on ham, but he would not eat it unless it had been boiled in champagne. "Boiled in champagne!" exclaimed the listeners. "Heavens, how expensive! We couldn't afford to have ham on our table often if we cooked it that way."

It was soon noised all around the neighborhood that Cashier Blank was a high liver indeed, and the men began telling of his uplifted ideas of cookery. This soon reached the ears of the directors of the bank, and they concluded it might be wise to investigate the accounts of such an epicure. Plain water was all they could afford for their hams, so the champagne lover was called up and subsequently relegated to the pen, where he had to forgo his pet dish for many, many weary days. — Louisville Times.


Human Nature

It is human nature to deride what we cannot possess, to deny what we cannot understand and to insult those we envy. — Chicago News.

Funeral is Held For Cat

1919

$6,000 Animal Is Buried on Estate in Metal Casket.

LENOX, Massachusetts — Funeral rites over a cat here were attended by all the employes on the Summer estate of Mrs. Carlos de Herodias of New York, and the feline's "remains" were buried on the estate in a metal casket. Hyacinth, a Persian cat, said to have cost $6,000, was greatly treasured by Mrs. de Herodias, and when it died at her home in New York the owner had the body borne here in a special automobile truck.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Jan. 3, 1920, p. 7.

Little Waldo Suffers

1910

"It's disgusting," said Mrs. Waldo Beaconhill of Boston; "the makers of children's blocks never think of putting Greek letters on them; and there is my poor little Emerson simply dying of ennui for the want of a good fairy tale in words of moderately extensive syllabification."



Slap on the Wrist

Tightwad — Did you ever notice, my dear, that nearly all these misers reported in the papers are single men?
Mrs. Tightwad — Yes; but that's only natural. Married misers are too common to be worth mentioning.

Women as Fortune Builders

1917

I observe and you will notice that notwithstanding the great incursion of women of late years into one or another department of business they are not of much account as fortune builders.

Some of them earn or make a good deal of money, but they seldom get rich by their own exertions, and nearly all the rich women have inherited fortunes from men. Moreover, the women who are most successful as money makers are not, as a rule, the most successful as women.

The women seem to be a consecrated sex, too valuable to be employed in mere money getting. Vast numbers of them earn a living, sometimes a good one, and have to, but few of them get rich.

It is common for a young man to start out deliberately to accumulate a fortune. It is very uncommon for a young woman to do so. She is much more likely to accumulate a young man. — E. S. Martin in Atlantic.

Man Made $100,000 on 44-Cent Start

1920

Now Charged With Theft of $500

Arrest Reveals Career of Poor Texas Youth Who Made Fortune in New York

NEW YORK, N. Y., March 25. — Abraham White, known variously as the "Speculator King," the "Postage Stamp Bidder," the "Wireless Chief" and the "Texas Grocer," was held in $1,000 bail by Magistrate Charles N. Haris in the Yorkville court on a charge of grand larceny.

While acting as a plain "financier" at his offices, White is charged with accepting $500 from Julius Reibert, a builder, of Hartford, Conn., last Oct. 15, for investment in stock of the Freezproof Corporation.

Reibert, in his complaint against White, who fifteen years ago made a fortune on a "shoestring" in Wall street, says the stock was to have been delivered to him on Dec. 1. Neither was the stock delivered up to the time of White's arrest in the Hotel Pennsylvania, nor the $500 returned to Reibert, after repeated demands, it was stated.

Made $100,000 From 44 Cents

White started life in Corsicana, Texas, under the name of Abraham Schwartz, fifty-five years ago, the son of the owner of a chain of small grocery stores thruout the Lone Star State. In 1896 the future bond wizard went to St. Louis and changed his name to White.

Later in the year White came to New York and conceived the idea of making $100,000 by investing 44 cents in stamps, plus native shrewdness. At that time President Cleveland and Congress authorized a Government bond issue, and the Secretary of the Treasury forgot to ask for checks to cover the amounts of the bid. White saw his chance. He sent in bids aggregating $1,500,000, at a cost of 44 cents in stamps. He told the late Russell Sage what a smart thing he had pulled off, and the financier was so pleased that he advanced the large sum necessary to tide White over. The former Texas grocer cleaned up $100,000 and that started him on a meteoric career.

Formed Securities Company

While president of a wireless company, White formed the Greater New York Securities Company, a bank located in his office. In September, 1907, he outbid J. P. Morgan & Co. and a syndicate for $18,000,000 worth of city bonds and deposited with his bid a certified check for $800,000. Comptroller Metz tried to collect on the check, but as there were no funds, White's bid was thrown out.

Later, in the name of a Massachusetts corporation, White got $4,000,000 of another issue of city bonds and made $500,000 on the transaction.

While at the height of his career, White bought Shadow Lawn, the palatial residence of the late John A. McCall, at Long Branch, against the bidding of several millionaires. After occupying the house for the summer of 1906, and entertaining lavishly, White disappeared for a few months, leaving a trail of unpaid bills.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, March 27, 1950, p. 5.

Keeping His Word

1904

Sandy is the resident janitor of one of the smaller colleges. He is a bit of a character in his way, and makes an effort not to be outdone by the students. The success is sometimes on one side, sometimes on the other. Sandy owned a little mean-looking dog, of which he was fond. He was treated to much good-humored chaff about the dog, but always replied in kind, frequently asserting, "I widna tak twinty dulthers for ma wee doggy."

A few of the more waggish freshmen made up their minds to test Sandy's assertion. Between them they made up twenty dollars, and one of their number was authorized on the first favorable opportunity to make Sandy an offer.

As was quite common with him, Sandy happened into the cloak-room between lectures. The dog soon became a subject of debate, and out came Sandy's statement, "I widna tak twinty dulthers for ma wee doggy."

"Well, Sandy," said a young freshman, "I would like to have that dog, and here's twenty dollars if you'll sell him," He counted the money out on the table near Sandy.

Without a smile Sandy gravely put his hand in his pocket, drew out a fifty-cent piece, and laid it on the table, at the same time pocketing the twenty dollars. "I didna say I widna tak nineteen fufty. The wee doggy's yourn."


The Test
By John B. Tabb

The dead there are, who live;
The living, who are dead:
The poor, who still can give;
The rich, who lack for bread:
By Love it is, and Love alone,
That Life or Luxury is known.

Jazz Music Not a Nuisance

Feb. 1920

Los Angeles County Judge Refuses to Give Relief to Disturbed Nerves

Los Angeles, Cal. — Jazz music is not a nuisance, according to a decision by Judge Lewis R. Works, in the Los Angeles county superior court. The city of Pasadena had brought suit against a social club, whose neighbors complained its jazz music "jarred on their nerves."

"Once jazz music might have been construed as a nuisance," Judge Works said. "It is no longer so construed. If the music disturbed the residents of the neighborhood, I am sorry, but this court cannot give them relief."


Wealthy Pauper

In a cheap lodging house in William street, New York, an aged man died, leaving a will showing that he was wealthy enough to live in a brownstone mansion in Fifth avenue. He was Edward Campion, aged sixty-five. Why he chose the habitat of the "down-and-outer" may remain a mystery. The house is one of those where the unfortunate can get "bath and bed" for 15 or 25 cents.

In his will, Campion disposes of several valuable parcels of Manhattan property, as well as real estate in other sections, in addition to considerable cash, to two daughters and three sons.

Pearls of Thought — "Telling a Woman You Love Her"

1906

The most fun that people have is in planning it.

Music lessons for a girl make more noise, but cooking lessons keep the peace.

If you tell a woman you love her she believes you even when she knows you don't.

People can afford to wear plenty of mourning for a relative if they were remembered in the will.

People seem to think nowadays that a man's son is a wonder to be able to make his own living.

A nice thing about being poor is you don't make enemies for refusing to found public institutions.

When a man kisses a girl on a dark piazza, she would scream if she weren't afraid of scaring her mother.

A girl knows an awful lot to be able to make men think that her knowing nothing is better than if she did.

Once in a while a man doesn't have to lie about what kept him out so late, but it's because his wife isn't home to ask him.

If a man ever got up early enough to eat his breakfast without swallowing it all at once, he might think the cook earned her wages.

No woman is ever so sympathetic with a widow over her loss as to forget to examine carefully the kind of mourning she is wearing.

There's hardly anything makes a humorist madder than to read a joke somewhere and have you get it off on him before he can on you.

A man never seems to think he is doing his duty to his country unless he goes around before election yelling his views into everybody's ears.

When a girl is so anxious for a man to ask her to marry him that she can't wait for him to finish before saying yes, she will pretend she doesn't understand him. — From "Reflections of a Bachelor," in the New York Press.

The Growing Passion for Music

1906

By Rupert Hughes

Whatever the percentage of American musical illiteracy may have been a few years ago, it is beyond denial that there is a tremendous change at work. The whole nation is feeling a musical uplift like a sea that swells above a submarine earthquake.

The trouble hitherto has not been that Americans were of a fibre that was dead to musical thrill. Our hearts are not of flannel, and we are not a nation of soft pedals. We have simply been too busy hacking down trees and making bricks without straw, to go to music school. But now, the sewing machine, the telephone, the typewriter and the trolley car are sufficiently installed to give us leisure to take up music and see what there is in it.

We are beginning to learn that, while The Arkansas Traveler, Money Musk, and Nellie Was a Lady are all very well in their way, there are higher and more interesting things in music. There is an expression which musicians hear every day: "I am passionately fond of music but I don't understand it. I know what I like, but I can't tell why."

This speech has become a byword among trained musicians, but it indicates a widespread condition that is at once full of pathos and of hope. America as a nation is "passionately fond of music." It needs only an education in the means of expression. — Good Housekeeping.



Much Against Being Rich

1906

Bishop Gore was the preacher at the opening of the English Church Congress. "The late master of Balliol," he told the great congregation, "used often to say, in his detached way, that he was afraid there was much more in the New Testament against being rich and in favor of being poor than we liked to recognize."