Why Lawyers Escape Going To Hell (poetry)

1902

WHY LAWYERS ESCAPE.

The devil came up to the earth one day,
And into a court house he wended his way.
Just then one attorney, with very grave face,
Was proceeding to argue a point in a case.

Now a lawyer his devilship never had seen,
For to his dominion none ever had been.
And he felt very curious the reason to know
Why none had been sent to the region below.

'Twas the fault of his agents his majesty thought,
That none of these sharpers had never been caught.
And for his own pleasure he had a desire
To come to the earth and the reason inquire.

Well, the lawyer who rose with a visage so grave
Made out his opponent a consummate knave,
And the devil was certainly greatly amused
To hear the attorney so roundly abused.

As soon as the speaker had come to a close,
The counsel opposing him fiercely arose,
And heaped such abuse on the head of the first
That he made him a villain of all men the worst.

Thus they quarreled, contended and argued so strong,
'Twas hard to determine the one that was wrong,
And concluding he'd heard quite enough of this fuss,
Old Nick turned away and soliloquized thus:

"If all they have said of each other be true,
The devil has surely been robbed of his due;
But I'm satisfied now that it's all very well
For these lawyers would ruin the morals of h—l.

"They've puzzled the court with their villainous cavil,
And I'm free to confess they have muddled the devil.
My agents are right to let lawyers alone.
If I had them they'd swindle me out of my throne."

—AARON LISCHY.

—Fort Wayne News, Fort Wayne, IN, June 23, 1902, p. 4.

Evil Spirits, "Imps" Scaring People of Nova Scotia

1922

FARMER FLEES FROM "IMPS"

Tale of Tricks of Evil Spirits Excites People of Nova Scotian Community.

Halifax, N. S. — While no broomstick riding hags of the traditional witch features have been seen hurtling across the face of the moon, there are any number of people in Nova Scotia who will take an oath that imps of no good intent are peopling the fair hills of Antigonish county.

Alexander MacDonald, a farmer, has boarded up his valley home and fled with his family and chattels in the dead of winter. His neighbors say they have seen with their own eyes, and without the assistance of potable spirits, the manifestations of the Evil One.

So much credence is being given to the tales of witches and imps that a Halifax newspaper has assigned a member of its staff to break his way through the inland snows until he reaches the MacDonald house and live there for two weeks.

MacDonald and his family awoke one morning three weeks ago to find that their horses had been driven into a lather and returned to their stalls before dawn. The cattle had been turned out of the barns in a driving snowstorm. The tails of the heifers had been braided.

This was repeated the next morning and the next. The third night, MacDonald says, the fire imps appeared. In unexpected places jets of flame would break out for no apparent reason. The following nights he called neighbors to see for themselves. They swore that they saw fires leap from bare floors and subside, or flare up from a fireless stove and disappear.

In each case a bit of absorbent cotton or highly inflammable calico was found near the source of the fire, but that only deepened the mystery. Where had the cotton and calico come from? After a week McDonald and his family fled, taking up their home in Caledonia Mills.

—Oneonta Daily Star, Oneonta, New York, April 1, 1922, page 8.