Pats and Slaps

1909

People are sometimes "killed by kindness" — in books.

Charity is a cloak sometimes used to cover an amateur concert.

How did poor Eve manage to get along without complexion lotions?

Some women use a gallon of words to express a teaspoonful of thought.

When it comes to being charitable, most of us have wonderful self-control.

The income tax is popular with the majority because it only hits the minority.

And many a man does his growling at home because he is afraid to growl anywhere else.

Some people would be able to acquire a lot of knowledge if they didn't think they knew it all.

Nothing annoys the average woman more than to have a clerk try to hurry her along when she is shopping.

The dictionary doesn't say anything about the mother of ten children being a heroine, but that's just what she is.

"Old Moneybags is afraid that prince he bought for his daughter is a bogus one."
"Why so?"
"When it came to settling up he asked for the prince's debts, and the fellow told him he hadn't any."

Sapleigh — The doctor says there's something the matter with my head.
Sharp — You surely didn't pay a doctor, to tell you that!

"In places of trust women are said to be more honest than men."
"Why?"
"Oh, they have no women to steal for."

"Man was made to mourn," quoted the moralizer.
"Yes," rejoined the demoralizer, "and woman was made to see that he does it."

Oxpropylendlisoamylamine is the name of a new heart stimulant. The dose is one syllable three times a day after meals.

Every Town Has

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EVERY TOWN HAS

A liar.
A sponger.
A blatherskite.
A smart Alec.
Its richest man.
Some pretty girls.
A weather prophet.
A girl who giggles.
Half a dozen lunatics.
A woman who tattles.
One Lincoln Republican.
A man who knows it all.
One Jacksonian Democrat.
More loafers than it needs.
Men who see every dog fight.
A boy who acts up in church.
A few meddlesome old women.
A "thing" who stares at women.
A mutton head who tries to run everything.
A few who try to run the affairs of the country.
A girl who goes to the post office every time the mail comes in.
A legion of smart fellows who can tell the editor how to run his paper.
Scores of men with the caboose of their trousers worn smooth as glass. --Exchange.

--The Deming Headlight, Deming, New Mexico, May 7, 1920, page 4.