Talk — The Manner of It

1916

The high schools and colleges of the day ought to do something more to teach students how to talk. The young men would be better off for some instruction of the kind, but in the case of the young women it is little less than a necessity. Their voices, to be candid, are by no means as pleasing as they might easily be were their possessors even reminded occasionally of the value of modulation, variation, softness and correct and fairly precise pronunciation.

As it is, however, the sweet girl graduate has anything but a voice and a manner of speaking consistent with the refreshing charms with which she is otherwise so generously blessed. In one university in the state — typical of others — a visitor recently observed that nearly every young woman in the senior class was woefully addicted to habits of mispronunciation. "And their voices," he added, "were most distressing. What they said was well enough, but the manner of their saying it was — agonizing."

The indictment, it must be admitted, is well founded. It is one, however, that should never be brought — for which there should be no support. And there would be none of it, either, if no more than casual attention were paid to the matter in our schools and colleges. Singing is taught — to be only rarely used. Why not teach talking? — Indianapolis News.

As to Conversational Parrots

1902

Do parrots understand what they say? A correspondent writes that a friend with a fine Brazilian parrot has been staying with her. The parrot a fluent and accomplished speaker. A gray parrot was introduced one day, but the Brazilian haughtily declined to have anything to say to the gray. Then another friend, who had just been given a newly imported green Brazilian, brought the newcomer to call.

The moment the parrots caught sight of each other they broke into a torrent of apparently articulate language, consisting, as it seemed, of questions and answers, but what the language was no one present could tell. The owner of the first parrot had never during the years it had lived with her heard it speak this strange tongue. The two parrots talked to each other without ceasing all the time they were together, and a few days later, when they met again, exactly the same thing happened. Was the first parrot — long exiled from its native forests — asking eagerly for news of its people? — London Chronicle.

Easy to Talk Too Much

1919

One Must Admit There Is Much Truth in These Sage Reflections

"It is my opinion," said Mr. Goslington, "that beggars talk too much. For instance, this morning I met a man who asked me for a nickel with which to buy a cup of coffee. As I was reaching for the nickel he kept right on talking, telling me among other things that he hadn't had anything to eat for three days, which I knew of course was false, and which detracted very much from my pleasure in giving.

"I am an easy mark. Perhaps as I grow older I shall grow harder, but as I fell about it now I would rather give to a dozen frauds than take a chance of missing one man who was hungry. Still I don't like the fraud to be too obvious; and I am sure there must be many prospective givers who, when the beggar keeps on with that surplus talk, rescind their original determination to give and keep their money in their pocket. Surely you would think the beggar would learn wisdom and talk less, wouldn't you?

"But the beggar is not the only man. How often do we hear it said of some banquet speaker that he is a good talker but he talks too much? This may seem a harsh way of putting it, but that's what people say. This speaker starts engagingly and talks for a time to the pleasure of everybody, wandering on then interminably to the complete obliteration of the first favorable impression. Here the only result is the tiring of the speaker's hearers; but talking too much might have a far more serious result in the case of, say, a man applying for a job.

"Many a man has talked himself out of a prospective job. He goes to the employer with what he wants to say clearly laid out in his mind, he says this clearly and simply, and the employer has practically made up his mind to take him; but then the applicant keeps on talking, to his own undoing. As he talks he reveals himself in a light less favorable; he discloses perhaps some peculiarity that may not really be a detriment but that strikes the employer not agreeably; and so this job that at first the applicant had felt perfectly sure of slips away from him entirely and without his realizing just how it all came about.

"The beggar is far from being alone in over-talking. There are many men in many walks who lack the fine gift of knowing when to stop."

Parrot Stories

1896

There was an old factotum in our family who used to sew for us, and who occasionally spent several weeks at a time at the house. She was somewhat of a character, had been married three times, and to distinguish her second dear departed was in the habit of calling him "my middle husband;" old maids she naturally did not approve of, remarking that they were the only things not prayed for in the Litany. The old woman was very deaf, and much shouting was needed to make her hear. One day many vain efforts were made to induce her to do a piece of work in a particular way, but she could not or would not see what was wanted, and at last, in despair, the lady of the house remarked to the nurse, "Oh, never mind; when she is gone, it must be altered." "Ah," remarked the parrot, in a loud, clear voice, "there's no fool like an old fool."

The parrot had on one morning been given a bath, or in other words, the garden watering can had been turned upon him, and he was placed in front of the fire to dry. There were two small kittens who also liked the warmth of the fire, and who were sitting one on each side of the cage. The bird walked first to one side, and looking down out of the corner of his eye, inquired, "Are you a good boy?" Then he sidled across to the other end of his perch and said to the other kitten, "And are you a good boy?"

One day two children of our family visited the house, and when alone amused themselves by mischievously pulling up some tulips, which grew in a pot in the room, by the roots, afterwards carefully replacing them. A little later Polly's master, to whom the plants belonged, came into the room, and immediately exclaimed, "Oh, look at my tulips; see how they are growing." Polly at once uttered two words, and only two; they were, "You ass!" I need hardly say that some time elapsed before the owner of the tulips was made acquainted with all the particulars of what had happened. — Chambers's Journal.

"Talking Hen" Is A Wonder

1908

Aristocratic Chicken Refuses to Drink from Ordinary Vessel

Atlantic City, New Jersey — A talking hen whose superintelligence puts to shame the wildest dreams of nature fakers is the pride of Mrs. John C. Ford of this city. Mrs. Ford vouches for the statements that the fowl possesses qualities high above ordinary instinct.

" 'Jo' — short for Josephine — seems to be afraid of visitors," said Mrs. Ford. "But the minute we are alone she talks to me plain enough for me to know exactly what she means. She calls me 'mommie' and she can say that as plain as any child. She has also learned to call for 'water' and if she gets thirsty during the night she will stand under our bedroom window and call out until we come down and give her a drink."

The hen drinks from a glass and absolutely refuses to notice the drinking dish used by less educated fowls in the same yard.

"If she doesn't get enough to eat she calls out: 'More, more,' " said Mrs. Ford. The hen immediately notifies the family of having laid an egg by scratching on the kitchen door and leading the way to the spot where the egg is hidden.

"Goodbye" to Doctor Costs Polly a Leg

1920

Door Nips It Off and Now Bird Must Wear a Peg

JEFFERSONVILLE, N.Y. — Dr. Cyril Mydole of this village has a parrot. The doctor bought the bird when she was a year old and gave her the real parrot name, Polly. Polly displayed much intelligence from the day he purchased her and in a few months developed startling vocabulary "cuss" words. Today the parrot is using her profanity freely and the doctor says she is justified.

Polly has been allowed the freedom of the physician's office. She would follow the doctor to his office door and bid him goodbye. On a recent afternoon the doctor started to leave his office. Just as he closed the door he heard a scream. He looked around and found Polly's leg had been caught in the door. Upon examination he found that the leg was so badly mangled that he amputated it at the second joint.

Polly is now forced to stand on her right leg. She says it is "damn hard luck," and hurls invectives at the doctor. As soon as Polly's injured leg heals the doctor will provide her with a peg leg.


Washboard Salary Halts Honeymoon

ST. LOUIS, Missouri — "On his salary she would have to use the washboard for a piano," said George W. Windmuller, in discussing the suit filed in the Circuit Court by his daughter, Mrs. Georgia Chembra, 16 years old, to annul her marriage to Albert L. Chembra.

She was married to Chembra by a justice of the peace in Clayton Jan. 28 last. He is 20 years old. After the ceremony she returned to her father's home, and he to that of his mother. When the girl's father learned of the marriage through the newspapers he refused to allow Chembra to see his bride.

Mrs. Chembra in her suit says her husband misrepresented his financial condition and his earning capacity.

Animals and Birds To Talk

1915

So Says Garner, Who Has Spent Years Studying Monkey Language

Los Angeles, Cal. — "There will come a day," says R. L. Garner, who tutored Maeterlinck in the ways of animals, "when all animal and bird life will become articulate. A dream? Cannot the bee teach us a higher communism — the quick, effective elimination of the unfit and shirker? Cannot the birds tell us their secret of flying? Would we not like to know why the oriole, the oven bird or castle building ant are so much better engineers than we?"

Garner says he thinks the gorilla and chimpanzee more civilized than man because they are more monogamous. He spent twenty-five years studying these animals in the Congo and after a vacation will return there. It is from the gorillas and chimpanzees, he says, that "will come the first twin cables from which scientists will hang a bridge on which man and his lesser brothers of the world will meet in oracular converse."


Scientist Whips Polecat

Then University Gives Professor Two Weeks' Leave

Berkeley, Cal. — T. C. Hine, professor of the chemistry department of the University of California, fought a hard battle with a polecat in the library of the university recently.

Victory perched on the crown of the savant after he had bombarded his antagonist with some of the choice volumes of the university library's modern literature and followed up this strategic move by tossing a hat box over the invader.

A quantity of chloroform poured through a tiny hole in the box stopped the polecat's activities.

The professor has been given a two weeks' leave of absence.

Teaching Parrots To Talk

1900

An Undertaking That Requires Good Judgment

The natural tendency of some species of parrots to learn to talk is well illustrated at the zoo, where a collection of parrots was recently added to the animals and birds on exhibition.

In the confusion of sounds — the roaring of lions, the trumpeting of the elephant, the chatter of the monkeys, the stentorian commands of the animal trainers, and the blaring of the band — may be heard the shrill screech of the parrots.

An intent listener will discover that the birds are imitating the sounds they hear and some of them are repeating words which they catch in the general jargon of the place. Even Lecturer Rollins is imitated in some of his sentences describing the animals or the feats about to be performed. Alexander Day, assistant superintendent of the zoo, says that, like the wild animals which are capable of being trained, the parrots will early give evidence of their aptitude to learn to talk.

The best way to train a parrot to talk is, he says, to keep it in a room away from other birds or animals, and with its cage covered when the lessons are given. This is to teach the bird to distinguish the sounds alone and not the individuality of the teacher. The gray parrots are said to be the best talkers, although the Amazonian or green parrot is a good talker and is the one most commonly seen. These come from South America and the West Indies. The rosellas and macaws, which also come from the West Indies, can rarely be taught to talk. — Baltimore Sun.

Thirty Girls Eat Ice Cream

Illinois, 1906

Drill Corps the Guests of General Pennypacker

As guests of General Galusha Pennypacker of Philadelphia, Pa., who is visiting with "Dad" Stearns at the Decatur hotel, the members of the Girls' Drill Corps ate ice cream and cake until they could eat no more Monday night.

Last Saturday General Pennypacker was invited by Commandant James M. Cowan to use the girls drill. He was so delighted with them and with their fine maneuvering that he asked how he could recompense them for his pleasure. He said he thought it was a notable thing to put "thirty young women together for thirty minutes, and have only one do the talking." He suggested ice cream, and the young girls gathered at the Decatur hotel Monday night at his invitation.

There was music during the evening, and "Dad" read some poems and sang, accompanied by his son, Charles Stearns, on the guitar. The general wrote his name and address on the paper napkin of each guest.

—The Daily Review, Decatur, IL, May 15, 1906, p. 7.

The Old Joke of The Ventriloquist and His "Talking Dog"

1903

An old but still droll story is narrated of a talking dog to which the power of speech was seemingly given by the art of a ventriloquist. The dog and his master arrived at a hotel, the latter with only a quarter of a dollar in his pocket.

"Well, what will you have?" asked the proprietor.

"I'll take a little whisky," said the ventriloquist, and then, turning to the dog, he asked: "What will you have?"

"I'll take a ham sandwich," was the dog's reply.

The hotel-keeper was breathless for a moment from astonishment. He stared at the dog in amazement.

"What did you say?" he asked it.

"I said a ham sandwich."

The proprietor was so impressed by the unheard-of phenomenon of a talking dog that in the end he offered to buy it.

"Oh," said the ventriloquist, "I wouldn't sell him at any price; but if you'll lend me $30 I'll leave him with you till I bring back the money!"

To this the hotel-keeper agreed, thinking he would have some fun with his friends and neighbors. Everything was settled and the money paid. As the ventriloquist went out he turned and waved his hand to the dog.

"Well, goodbye, Jack!," he said. "I'll come back soon."

"You mean brute, to sell me for $30, after all I've done for you!" answered the dog. "I'll never speak another word as long as I live!" And he didn't.