Tall Heiress Divorces Short Hubby

1920

Objects to Mate Because of His Low Altitude

LOS ANGELES, Cal., Jan. 1. — Mrs. Ellen Van Trees, heiress, is alleged to have objected to Eugene M. Van Trees, her husband and likewise heir to a fortune, because her 5 feet 9 inches of slender beauty did not "match well" With 5 feet 4 inches of dapperness.

They quarreled over Van Trees' lack of height until he left, and she sued for divorce, claiming desertion.

Attorney Wilder, for Van Trees, produced a letter which the wife had received from her mother. The letter reads in part:

"Don't let his size worry you. My mother was a beautiful woman and taller than my father. It made no difference. Live with him and be happy. Help him. It is your duty. Put his estate in both your names and don't let others meddle in your affairs. Every one will be nice to you when you have money, but without it the world is cold. You know that, dear."

Judge Crail granted the divorce, remarking:

"They appear to be fairly nice folks. But it's evident they can't live together, so I'll give her a decree of divorce and an allowance of $1,200 a year."

Hotel Clerks' "Kittie"

1910

Box Into Which Excess Change Is Dropped to Make Up Possible Shortages

"The 'kittie' is the latest thing for the protection of hotel clerks," said John Rohman, chief clerk at the Old Inn.

"The 'kittie,'" he continued, "is a strong box with a slit in the lid in which we drop any excess change that comes along.

"For instance, if a guest overpays his bill and gets away before the mistake is discovered, we drop the extra money into the 'kittie,' which is never opened until some of the clerks find themselves short. The other day one of our boys came up two dollars ahead in his accounts. One of the guests had evidently paid two dollars more than he should in settling his bill. There was no way to locate the guest, and the two dollars went into the 'kittie.' A day or two later I came up two dollars short, so I went into the 'kittie' and got out the two dollars.

"The management of every hotel makes the clerk or cashier stand for any shortage of the cash drawer that occurs on the particular clerk's watch. The 'kittie' is an invention of the clerks at the French Lick hotel, but many hotels have adopted the plan." — Louisville Times.

A Pickerel Thought His Nose Was Bait

1911

Editorial Briefs

Winsted, Conn., has a fisherman who claims to have caught a pickerel because the latter mistook his nose for bait and jumped at it. It strikes us that said fisherman must have consumed a vast amount of bait to acquire a nose so brilliant that a pickerel would jump at it.

A New York physician promises to make bad boys good by proper breathing. It is a far cry from a strap in the woodshed to a breathing exercise.

Under the new law it costs $10 to carry a pistol in New York instead of only $2.50. But those who expect to see the difference reflected in a decrease of shooting affrays will probably be disappointed. If the fee was a million, and it was not enforced more strictly than the $2.50 one, it would be just as ineffectual.

A New York office boy made $50,000 speculating on Wall street, but they got $20,000 of it away from him the next day — and he is still fooling around in Wall street.

In New York a woman is trying to prove that she loved a man and she offers in evidence letters in which she called him her "ugly monkey" and her "curly bear." It must be splendid to be loved like that.

Short Shorts

1900

Conventional Wisdom

The duelist's aim is at the point of honor.

Some business men only win financial success through failures.

The fresh young man is generally not worth his salt.

If a lazy man is comfortable he is happy.

The woman who is fond of home isn't necessarily homely.

A vain woman is like a street piano — she is full of airs.

Never judge a man by his relatives — they are not of his own selection.

Every man who isn't prominent imagines he will be some day.

The boy who works in a bowling alley earns his pin money.

The aristocratic dentist should be a man of excellent extraction.

There are few people who think they are worse than they really are.

Wit is a diamond in the rough that is polished by adversity.

The only step from the sublime to the ridiculous is usually a short one.

The flustrated bride usually has all sorts of presence except presence of mind.

He who lacks time to make also lacks time to mend.

A woman who probably speaks from experience says a husband who can be led isn't worth leading.

You will observe that men who post as fancy whistlers seldom amount to much.

Return good for evil. If your enemy heaps coals of fire on your head, pile chunks of ice on his.

Lauds The Bantam Soldier

1915

British Medical Journal Says the Little Fellows Are Good for Trench Work

London. — That little men have many advantages in war time over their bigger brothers is an argument advanced in the British Medical Journal.

After expressing the view that 30,000 have been lost to the army in the last few weeks owing to the present high standard, the journal says:

"Not a little is to be said in favor of short infantry. Short men occupy less room in transport. They find cover more easily and offer a smaller mark to bullets and shrapnel. They are better sheltered in trenches and require to dig less deep trenches to protect themselves.

"It takes less khaki to clothe them and less leather to boot them. The army blanket covers them more amply and they need much less food than tall, thin men to keep up their body heat and maintain their marching energy.

"Those who stand the rigors of cold climates are not always big men and the sailor, like the wind-swept tree on the coast, may be a short man. Warmth and easy conditions of life rather tend to the development of tall men.

"The cavalry and artillerymen require to be big and powerful, but as to those who burrow in the trenches, how can it matter whether they are four feet nine or five feet six? We are not out for a show and a parade, but to win a war of sieges and attrition."


Germans Advised To Save

Commerce Minister Warns People to Be Sparing With Their Grain

Paris. — The Amsterdam Handelsblad says the Prussian minister of commerce has issued a proclamation which says that although Germany is well provided with grain the people should not waste it.

"The enemy," the minister says, "are trying to starve Germany as if it were a fortress. Therefore be sparing of your bread. Remember that the soldiers would be glad to have on the field of battle the bread you waste."

Life in Dreary Iceland; Romance in America

1878

Life in Dreary Iceland

Men and women, masters and servants, all inhabit the same room, while the cleanliness is not much attended to; but poor as they are, and accustomed to great privations, they set an example of cheerful contentment. The beauty of the young girls is remarkable; their fair hair falls in long plaits, partially covered by a black cloth coil, daintily worn on one side of the head, and finished at the top with a tassel of colored silk run through a silver or steel buckle, which floats on the shoulder. It reminds the traveler of the Greek head-dress, but the blue eyes, with their sweet, benevolent expression, soon recall to his mind their Danish origin. The dress is made of the cloth woven in the country, and on festive days the bodice is gaily adorned with silver braid and velvet, while the belt and sleeves are ornamented with silver devices, beautifully chased and often of great value. On wet and cold days the shawl becomes a useful mantilla, completely enveloping the head, and defending the wearer from the effects of the frequent storms. — Chambers' Journal.


Condensed Romance

1878

Who says that there is no romance in practical America? Who says that the days of chivalry and love-making are gone, and that this is a world of ledgers and blue stockings?

Why, the exchange table shows:

(a) that romance begins early: for a Chicago lad of fourteen eloped, last week, with a sweet little miss of thirteen;

(b) that it gets on fast: for a dashing naval officer proposed to a Washington belle last Tuesday, was accepted on Wednesday and married on Saturday;

(c) that it is numerous: for a woman in Coventry, Conn., swears that, like the good wife in Chaucer's tale, she has had seven husbands, and that they have annoyed her all her life by turning up after she had every reason to suppose that they had been hanged as pirates, or carried off by small-pox;

(d) that it is exceedingly uncertain: for "Clara," of Westfield, Mass., broke the engagement the moment she heard that her betrothed had been bitten by a mad dog, on the ground that it would be unsafe to marry a man who might have the hydrophobia;

(e) that it is never too late for it: for a farmer in Massachusetts, who confessed his seventy-third year, hired his neighbor's son to find a wife for him, insisting that she must be young and pretty, and the agent brought to the venerable widower an engaging lass of seventeen, who, rather than work out for a living, professed her willingness to marry him, and to inherit his money in the sweet by-and-by; but the marriage has cost the old man dear, for, besides the commissions charged by the neighbor's son, he has had to give his daughter, who was the bride's senior by eight years, $10,000 outright before she would consent to leave his roof and allow him to enjoy his honeymoon. — New York Tribune.

Cow's Tail Wedged Between Ice Cakes

1920

Farmer Has to Chop Animal Out With an Ax.

WANDSVILLE, Maine — Twice a day Samuel Fatts, a dairyman of this village, lets h is cows out of the barn so that they can go to the creek and drink.

The other afternoon Fatts' cows were at the creek. A few minutes later they all returned to the barn except one cow. Fatts paid no attention to the lone cow, believing that she would return when she got ready. An hour later he went to the barnyard. The cow was still at the creek. He called to her but she did not move. He went to the creek and found bossy's tail wedged between two cakes of ice which were at the water's edge and she could not release herself.

Fatts returned to the barn, secured an ax, went to the creek, cut the ice away and the cow ran to the barn.


State's Shortest Man is Dead

Was 55 Inches in Height and Weighed 150 Pounds

MACOMB, Ill. — John Kelley, 50 years old, said to be the shortest man in Illinois, is dead of apoplexy at his home. Kelley was forty-four inches in height and weighed 150 pounds. In his younger days his legs were double-jointed, enabling him to move as rapidly backward as forward. Kelley used a stepladder when harnessing his horses.