A Fat Woman's Dilemma

1895

Among the passengers on a Bryn Mawr accommodation train a few days ago was a very stout old lady. She occupied an entire seat, because there was no room beside her for any one else. She looked worried. Finally, when the train was nearing Haverford station, she leaned over and tapped the shoulder of a young man in front of her.

"Pardon me, young man," she said, "can you tell me what the next station is?"

"Haverford, ma'am."

"Well, young man," she continued, "when we get there, will you help me off the train?"

The young man expressed his willingness to do her that service, but he looked so surprised that the old lady made an explanation.

"I wouldn't ask your assistance, young man," she said, "but I tried to get off two stations back and couldn't. You see, I am so stout that I have to get down the platform steps backward. The conductor saw me unfortunately, and thinking from my position that I was just boarding the train he helped me on again." — Philadelphia Record.

The Fat Woman's Revenge

1895

Her Victim Did Not Get a Chance to Greet His Friends.

Apropos of the theater, I saw something one other night Within the last seven that filled me with a totally unholy glee. A woman sat in front of me. She was decidedly plump. In fact, she was what Illinois people call corn fed. She was bareheaded, too, by the way, and before the play began and after every act she had to stand up and let a man who sat near her pass out. It was a tight squeeze every time, and as the man did not say, "Pardon me!" or "Beg your leave!" or anything else to show the faith that was in him I could see the tide of that fat woman's wrath rise till its crimson edge made the straggling fringe below her back hair bristle indignantly.

At last the play was over, and the man wanted to rush out to join two women friends — undoubtedly he'd have called them "lady friends" — whom he had noticed near. But did he rush? Well, if he did, his rush wasn't visible to the naked eye. That fat woman sat down and put on her rubbers. Then she replaced her gloves, which she had taken off. Then she stood up, blocking the passage, while she put on her hat, adjusted her veil and buttoned her cloak. And all the while the man was dancing with impatience, unable to get out, and the "two lady friends" were passing out the door. At last the fat woman moved, and the man — well, inasmuch as nothing so much angers a man as a punishment he knows he deserves, you can imagine how he looked. For my part, I thought it was delightful, and if ever I meet that fat woman I mean to tell her so. — Washington Post.

Painful Results of Stoutness

1901

A stout man lifted himself into a Heights car the other morning and took the only vacant seat. Pretty soon a lady came aboard, and the stout man quickly arose to tender her his place. As he reached a standing position the car suddenly started, and he sat down with a sound like a broken slat. Blushing deeply, he once more struggled to his feet and was about to step out into the aisle when the motorman saw a wagon on the track and fiercely applied the brakes. The car stopped so suddenly that the stout man doubled over on a thin young man in the front seat and almost cracked his slender neck. The young man pushed the dents out of his derby hat and muttered some remarks that were not complimentary to fat people in general.

Then the fat man braced himself for the third time, and the lady sympathetically remarked, "Please don't trouble yourself." But the fat man's spirit was up. He crowded out into the aisle and filled it so full that the lady could not get by him; then, with a polite wave of his hand, he indicated the seat and backed out of the way.

"Thank you!" said the lady very sweetly. "But I get off at the next stop."

Then the fat man went out and filled up the back platform. — Cleveland Plain Dealer.

One Policeman Who Couldn't Get Fat

1910

ST. LOUIS. — Dismissed from the police force because he was too thin to present a formidable appearance to offending humanity, John Higgins, although not one whit larger in circumference and just as tall as he ever was, has been restored to his job.

It was merely a question of the police board coming around to Higgins' viewpoint.

In the Dayton street district Higgins had a record which his superior officers declared any policeman should be proud of. He never shirked; was always on his beat; was a terror to evildoers, and loved police work as few patrolmen of St. Louis love it.

But the police surgeons didn't see it that way when Higgins came before them for examination. They cast a withering eye upon him, looked at each other and shook their heads.

Higgins was fired.

Not enough weight to so great an altitude was the verdict of the surgeons.

Encouraged by the plaudits of his superior police officers, Higgins went away to get fat. He ate often and abundantly, planning in a short time to return to the exacting doctor, and present a girth which any St. Louis patrolman might carry with pride.

After weeks of experiment, Higgins, feeling puffy, weighed himself. The scales registered the same number of pounds the surgeons had frowned upon. There was nothing to do but eat more, and Higgins ate.

But Higgins couldn't get fat. He told the Dayton street officers he just couldn't. They shared his sorrows, but shook their heads ominously. The same doctors who fired him for being too thin and too tall for such thinness would, they declared, keep him off the force now that it seemed he would never get fatter.

Determined to make A last deliberate effort to regain his position and resume his beloved work, Higgins knocked again at the door of the police department, The door didn't have to open wide for him to get in, he was so thin. All he wanted was just a little crack to squeeze through.

The board took cognizance of Higgins' thinness and of his inability to get fat. They said they thought he had been punished enough for being lean, particularly as he couldn't help it. There was evidently no malice aforethought in his attitude, they said.

Higgins was restored to his job. They said any man who worked that hard eating to get fat, would work hard at his duties as a police officer.

General Grant Proved Poor Prophet

1915

General Grant showed himself a poor prophet in an autograph letter which was sold recently. He wrote the letter to his father from Camp Yates, near Springfield, Ill., where in May, 1861, he was drilling recruits.

"My opinion is that this war will be of short duration," he wrote. "A few decisive victories in some of the Southern ports will send the secession army howling and the leaders in the rebellion will flee the country."

The letter sold for $92.50.


Eating to Grow

A certain Columbus, Ohio, newspaper man is proud of the precocity of his 5-year-old niece. As typical of her mental agility as well as her capacity for humor, he tells the following:

"We were visiting recently at my brother's home. When dinner was called the child politely but firmly announced that she had no idea of dining and would remain away from the table.

" 'Why, Mildred, you must eat three full meals a day if you are ever to grow up and be a lady,' remarked my wife, who happens to be a woman of substantial proportions.

"Carefully surveying her gratuitous adviser, the little miss said: 'Auntie, do you eat four meals a day?' "

The Boy Who Tipped the Scales to a Generous 450 Pounds

Raised In Nebraska

Not long ago one of the most corpulent persons in the country died at Cedar Rapids, Neb. His name was C. Hemingson and his photograph was submitted to GRIT by Roy Meson, of Cedar Rapids. Hemingson was but 17 years old when he died. He weighed 450 pounds. In spite of his immense proportions he managed to move about quite actively. He was helping to extinguish a small fire when he succumbed to over-exertion. He was born and raised on a farm near Cedar Rapids.

—Grit

Leo Whitton Claims to Be the Fattest Man

1896

Weighs 715 Pounds

"The fattest man in America" is the way in which Leo Whitton announces himself. Up to a year ago Leo had been growing broader, rounder and more uncomfortable for the past thirty-seven years. He weighs 715 pounds. Daniel Lambert, the Norfolk giant, tipped the beam at 729 pounds, scoring the world's record.

Whitton's tremendous girth is not so apparent when he stands, but when he sits he is startling. His measurements are: height, 5 feet 10 inches; neck, 26 inches; biceps, 28 inches; chest, 6 feet; waist, 7 feet; thigh, 49 inches; calf, 26 inches. He comes of stock noted for fleshiness. He was born in Northumberland County, Ontario, Canada, of English parents. Up till the age of twenty-one years he worked on the farm at home. Then he went into the butcher business at Brighton, Ont., which he attended to up to three years ago, when his extraordinary girth rendered it impossible for him to handle the chopper.

When asked if he had endeavored to avoid growing so fat Mr. Whitton replied that he had tried all remedies. He has never tasted alcoholic drinks in his life. He loses from ten to fifteen pounds during the summer, but does not feel much relief from the loss. In winter he regains the amount that was missing. He is married to an average-sized woman, and has five children, the eldest of whom is seventeen years old. None of them shows any signs of abnormal stoutness. — New York Recorder.

Stout But Wanting To Look Thin? Work On Your Collar

1903

THE FACE AND THE COLLAR.

Easy Means by Which a Stout Man May Make Himself Look Thin.

Men who do not want to look any fatter in the face than they can help have an easy means of accomplishing their purpose. Not all of them are aware of the effect that may be created by the form of a collar or cravat.

"The stout man who wants to look as thin as he can," said the haberdasher's clerk, "ought to wear a tie of the kind known as the four-in-hand. Preferably it should be dark in color and drawn tight. That carries down the line of the face and lengthens it to a degree that tends to make the face look thinner.

"Another aid to making a man look thin is in the height of his collar. Stout men who want to look thin should wear high collars and close ones. Any collar that opens in front makes one look stout under nearly every circumstance. Such collars are becoming to the thin men.

"The fat man should avoid the kind of tie that has a horizontal effect. This will add pounds to his appearance — in his face, at least.

"On the contrary, this cross effect will make the thin man look stout. The broad plastron scarves, as they are called, have little effect on a man's looks one way or the other. When he wears them it is the collar that makes the difference.

"He should therefore see that he wears a high one that does not open if he wants to look as thin as possible, whereas, if he wants to seem stouter, an open collar will produce that effect for him. — New York Sun.

—Davenport Daily Republican, Davenport, Iowa, March 5, 1903, page 6.

The Death of the World's Largest Human

1912--

DEATH OF WORLD'S LARGEST HUMAN

"Baby" Bliss Is Found Dead in His Home -- Accidentally Asphyxiated.

BLOOMINGTON, Ill., Jan. 4 -- Leonard (Baby) Bliss, reputed the largest man in the world, was found dead in his home today. Neighbors found his frozen body seated in a chair with gas escaping from a gas stove. He had been dead several days.

It is believed he arose several nights ago to get warm and in some way accidentally opened the jet.

He was born here in 1865. His dimensions were:

Height, 6 feet, 4 inches; waist, 72 inches; hips, 88 inches; chest, 66 inches; thigh, 42 inches; calf, 27 Inches; collar, 21 inches; hat, 7 5-8; sox, 12½; shoes 13; weight, 540.

Bliss was well known in America and Europe, having toured both continents as a salesman for a bicycle factory.

He also was at various times with circuses. Last summer he spent several weeks on the road with a "fat man's baseball team."

--The Billings Gazette, Billings, Montana, January 5, 1912, page 5.

For Sanitary Reasons, No More Kissing

1915--

Substitute That Only The Flabby Will Accept

Health experts are advocating the substitution of a tap on the cheek with the palm of the hand for the kiss. But no red-blooded person would be content with such a substitute, sanitary though it may be. -- Long Beach Press.

--Woodland Daily Democrat, Woodland, California, July 2, 1915.

Comment: The headline with the article doesn't make a bit of sense to me.