Life Worth Living

1895

An Original Mind That Was Great In Getting Rid of Rats.

John Kernell, the well known comedian, tells a story that might very well be true.

"I'll never forget," said John in the deep bass that is familiar to all fun loving playgoers, "a kind of dramatic situation in real life that occurred at Steve Brodie's place on the Bowery one night while I was in New York rehearsing.

"Well, while we were sitting in the little back room listening to the pianist a stout looking old man came in and began to be sociable with us. He said he was a milkman from Hoboken and the maddest man in America.

"'This is why I'm sore,' he said. 'I own a nice little house, which I left in charge of an Irish hired girl while my wife and I were in Chicago. One day a man came and asked the girl if there were any rats in the house. He said he was a rat killer by trade and would guarantee to rid the house of any number of rats. We'd never had any rats in the place, and the girl told him so. He loitered around awhile and then went away. In a week the house was alive with rats. The man called again and offered to remove them for $10. The girl wrote me simply that the place was full of rats, and that the rat killer would destroy them for $10. I sent her the ten, the man came with a dog and made a bluff at slaying the rats, and she gave him the money. She's never seen him since, and I've never seen him at all. Our house is now a hotel for rats. I tell you, gentlemen, if I could only lay my hands on that rat man!'

"The Hoboken man took a big drink of whisky, and we changed the subject.

"Presently in came as hard a looking bum as I ever saw. He ordered whisky and looked around at us. Brodie knew him and asked, 'What are you doing for a living now, Muggsy?'

"'Nawtin,' said the bum. 'I don't have to work. I'm rich. I played a new gag dis summer. I went over into New Jersey and stocked houses with rats and den went back and made a bluff to clean 'em out for $5. Some places I got ten. Der was one jay of a milkman in Hoboken' —

"He never got any further. The Hoboken man was at him with a wild yell, and the bum's whisky glass struck the ceiling. For three minutes we could see nothing of the milkman or the bum but a confused mass of clothes, legs and arms rolling on the floor. When the milkman was through, he dragged the bum to the door, dropped him out on the sidewalk, strutted up to the bar with his clothes in disorder and cried out:

"'Have one with me, gentlemen? Life's worth living after all. Make it wine, barkeep!'" — Philadelphia Times.

The Fat Woman's Revenge

1895

Her Victim Did Not Get a Chance to Greet His Friends.

Apropos of the theater, I saw something one other night Within the last seven that filled me with a totally unholy glee. A woman sat in front of me. She was decidedly plump. In fact, she was what Illinois people call corn fed. She was bareheaded, too, by the way, and before the play began and after every act she had to stand up and let a man who sat near her pass out. It was a tight squeeze every time, and as the man did not say, "Pardon me!" or "Beg your leave!" or anything else to show the faith that was in him I could see the tide of that fat woman's wrath rise till its crimson edge made the straggling fringe below her back hair bristle indignantly.

At last the play was over, and the man wanted to rush out to join two women friends — undoubtedly he'd have called them "lady friends" — whom he had noticed near. But did he rush? Well, if he did, his rush wasn't visible to the naked eye. That fat woman sat down and put on her rubbers. Then she replaced her gloves, which she had taken off. Then she stood up, blocking the passage, while she put on her hat, adjusted her veil and buttoned her cloak. And all the while the man was dancing with impatience, unable to get out, and the "two lady friends" were passing out the door. At last the fat woman moved, and the man — well, inasmuch as nothing so much angers a man as a punishment he knows he deserves, you can imagine how he looked. For my part, I thought it was delightful, and if ever I meet that fat woman I mean to tell her so. — Washington Post.

Cases of Queer Revenge

1901

In England, where men have more time for everything, including revenge, some queer methods of playing even have come into the courts.

Albert Bewdley of Leeds had a dog that howled at night. A naturalist next door did not like it, but had no legal recourse.

One day ants of the minute red variety began to overrun Bewdley's house. Nothing that could be done headed them off. They grew worse and worse. He had made up his mind to break his lease and move when one night he heard a noise in his dining room. Slipping down, he found the naturalist emptying a bag of ants on the floor. In court the naturalist paid damages, but he did it smilingly.

Rowley, the late English violinist, was hard to beat on his perseverance against one who had incurred his ill will.

Rowley had a quarrel with a horse dealer named Brant. It was a trivial matter, but Rowley took the next house to Brant, set up a piano, bought a cornet and proceeded to make insomnia for Brant.

After one or two assault cases in court Brant moved. Rowley bought out the next door neighbor and followed with piano and cornet. Brant went to law, but found he could do nothing. Failing, he took a detached house. Then Rowley hired brass bands and organs and assailed him. This was actionable, and Rowley paid £1,000 for his revenge. — Chicago Tribune.

The God of Murderers

1900

In a certain mountain village on the northwest frontier of Burma, is a sacred pool, in which is said to live a nat — i.e., a demon — called Shearpanial, who is the guardian spirit of murderers.

When a murder is committed anywhere in these hills, the water of this pool is reported to turn blood red.

Now, when this happens it is a warning sign to the villagers, who are the wardens of the pool, to be on their guard lest the murderer, whoever he may be and from whatever village he may come, unobserved, succeed in reaching the pool, for the Chin law or custom is that if a murderer manages to elude the "avengers of blood" (who are usually some near blood relations of the victim) and the vigilance of the guardians of the pool and succeeds in gaining it and washes his hands in its blood red water, which, as soon as this occurs, resumes its usual appearance, testifying that the god of murder is appeased, he is absolved from his blood guiltiness and is thereafter a free man, and no one may henceforth molest him.

On the other hand, if he were overtaken by his pursuers or were he prevented by the village guardians from reaching the well be would speedily pay the penalty of his crime with his life. — London Answers.

Bound and Robbed, Now Thought Insane

Kansas, 1911

Chester King, the young man was bound and robbed over in Graham county two weeks ago, has been placed in the county jail at Hill City charged with insanity. It is said he tried to purchase a gun with which he intended to hunt up the two strangers who tied and robbed him the week before.

This is the young man found tied in his own buggy at about one o'clock on the night of January 6th, near a country store known as Corrickville in Sheridan county. The fright and the cold which was intense that night was a terrible strain on the young man and his present condition may be the result of the awful experience.

He is seventeen years old and is the twin brother of Charlie King who was adjudged insane about two months ago for acting queerly on the streets of Hill City.


Got The Limit

Tuesday morning there were three cases before Police Judge Howell. One for selling intoxicating liquor and the other two were for vagrancy.

Oliver Penny was the guilty person in the case of selling "booze" and plead guilty to the charge. He was arrested Tuesday night for selling the "dope" to the soldiers that were going through here, by Marshall Davis and put in the lockup over night. He was fined $100 and thirty days in the county jail, where he was taken Wednesday.

The best thing that can be done with these unlawful people is to give them the limit every time they violate the law.

—Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas.

Flu Victim Sleeps 26 Days

1920

Strange Illness Sets in Whole Year After Epidemic Attack

OXFORD, Pennsylvania — Influenza is blamed for a stupor that has afflicted a youth of this place for twenty-six days. The lad is Chester Williams, 19-year-old son of William Williams, a farmer.

In good health the lad bade his father "good night" several weeks ago and retired in a lively mood. Next morning he could not be aroused. He has now slept twenty-six days, but at times he appears to be semi-conscious and then he is fed. He understands at these times what is said to him, but cannot talk. Once he did speak to his father in a very weak voice.

Dr. Wilson, who is attending the lad, thinks his condition might have been caused by an attack of influenza that he suffered over a year ago. He eats heartily when in the state of semi-wakefulness and drinks much water.


Burglars Build Wooden Platform

CHESTER, Pennsylvania — Burglars took time to build a wooden platform in front of a window at the store of Benjamin Bischof, in Essington. After destroying a lot of stock they took goods valued at several hundred dollars. The proprietor thinks it was done partly as an act of revenge, as he was threatened several weeks ago.

Hair Cut Off As She Slept

Printed Jan. 1915

Girl Awakes to Find Her Tresses, the Family's Pride, Gone — Act of Revenge

Orange, N. J. — When Mary Carnova, the thirteen-year-old daughter of Antonio Carnova of 12 Forest street, Orange, awoke one morning recently she found that her long black hair, which was of exceptional beauty and the pride of the family, had been cut off. She did not know how or when she had been despoiled.

The police arrested Polo Cripsy, aged fifty-one, a boarder at the Carnova home, but Carnova would not believe Cripsy was guilty, and the charge against him was dismissed. Chief of Police Drabell believes that the hair was cut off for revenge by some enemy of the girl's father.


To Mend Celluloid

Any article made of celluloid may be mended with collodion. Scratch the broken edges to be mended with a sharp knife until a smooth surface is secured. Apply the collodion and press tightly together for several minutes. Let stand for at least twenty-four hours. Liquid court plaster will answer as well, since the main ingredient is collodion.

Son Accuses Father of Eloping with Wife

1914

La Crosse, Wis., Jan. 2. — That Albert Rockwell, Nelson, Wis., eloped with his young daughter-in-law, deserting his own wife, is the assertion of his son, Bert Rockwell, who caused his arrest.

Rockwell was brought back from Spirit Lake, Idaho. Arraigned in the county court on a statutory charge he pleaded not guilty and was held to the circuit court for trial. His wife and son testified against him. The eloping father was traced to Idaho by a post card sent to Wisconsin relatives by his son's wife.

The son asserts that a year ago he decided to move to Nelson, Wis., from Minnesota. He went ahead to prepare the home, his father offering to help his young wife with the moving.

Young Rockwell telegraphed his wife and little girl to "come." They did not, neither did they answer. Then Rockwell received word from his mother that his father, wife and child had disappeared with $8,000 the elder Rockwells had saved.

Mrs. Rockwell, wife of the son, was not brought back from Idaho, her husband saying all he is after is revenge upon the father for breaking up two homes.

"Sissy" of Chicago

1908

"Sissy" of Chicago.

[Copyright, 1908, by T. C. McClure.]

"Sissy" Floss was at Chicago. His father had left him $1,000,000, and he had been through college and traveled. He was called "Sissy" because he was short and slight and effeminate.

The young man had accompanied a friend to New York to see him off for Europe. The steamer sailed in the afternoon, and soon after her departure "Sissy" fell in with a couple of college chums. A dinner and a trip to Chinatown were planned and came off. The effeminate was only five feet tall, and his weight was only 110 pounds, and his voice was like that of a girl, but when he cut loose to have a good time he was all there. The trio were slumming the slums in the most approved fashion when a row took place, and "Sissy" was separated from his companions. He had imbibed too much to know whether he was in Baltimore or Boston or to make much of a defense, and at the end of five minutes he was very much in the hands of the Philistines. The gang floored him and went through him up to his collar button. They dragged him into a cellar, stripped off his clothes and gave him an old Bowery suit in exchange and left him to come to or pass in his checks. He was in an undecided state when the keeper of a Cherry street boarding house came along and took in the situation. He also took "Sissy" in. He wanted one more hand to make up a crew for a bark sailing for Bristol next day, and it made very little difference whether he got a live or a dead man.

When "Sissy" Floss awoke next morning he was lying in a bunk in the deck house of the White Wings, which craft was at anchor off Liberty island and making ready to begin her voyage. He didn't awake until he was being pulled out of his bunk by the second mate, who was also damning his eyes, his ears, his nose and other portions of his anatomy in the language of the deep blue sea. After being landed on the floor with a bump the young man was kicked out on deck and then up and down the decks. This was to arouse his enthusiasm for a life on the ocean wave. "Sissy" realized almost at once that he was being booted, but it took him some time to figure out why he wasn't in his room at the Waldorf. While he was puzzling over it he was booted some more, and the bark got under way. She was off Fire island before the victim got it through his head that he had been shanghaied and was being carried to sea. A protest was in order, and "Sissy" went aft to the captain to make it.

"What are you doing here?" roared that officer.

"I want to state my case."

"Case? You miserable little skulker, what have you got to say for yourself? Out with it!"

The story was told. The captain listened to it, with a grin and a sneer on his face, and then exclaimed:

"You are a blankety-blank liar! You signed articles of your own free will. You are a pickpocket or a green goods man that wants to get away from the police for awhile. Turn to and don't let me hear another word. If you keep this thing up there won't be as much as an eyebrow left of you by the time we reach the other side."

"Sissy" started to protest and was kicked off the poop. In going forward he was cuffed by the chief mate and kicked by the second, and, although more fit for the hospital than the decks of a ship, he was turned to and set to work. From that time on his days were anything but joyous. He was a protesting sailor. In the eyes of captain and mates he could not be a worse villain. He was made ship's boy. Nothing was too dirty to set him at. The cook stood in with the after guard and gave him many a kick and cuff, and the nearer the bark got to England's shores the worse the mates hazed him.

After the first interview with the captain "Sissy" made no more protests. He began to rise to the occasion. He recorded the kicks and cuffs in a diary. The last entry was made when three days from port. He neglected to add "sir" when answering the second mate and was knocked down and given a pair of black eyes. Then as soon as the bark had made fast to a wharf he was kicked ashore and told not to return under penalty of death.

Two hours after the last kick the young man had satisfied the American consul of his identity. A cablegram to Chicago brought him several thousand dollars within the next twenty-four hours. Two days later, when he had properly clothed himself, he brought about another emergency. This time it was for the captain, mates and cook of the bark to rise to it. Warrants were served on the four men — warrants for several things. The bark was overloaded by a foot. Her provisions were totally unfit. She was undermanned, and she carried no medicine chest. Not only the officers, but the owners, were haled into court. There were fines, and certificates were suspended, and as a last satisfaction "Sissy" stood by, with a joyous smile on his face, while his two hired prizefighters caught the two mates at the dock and gave them such a walloping that there are sailors in Bristol who remember it yet. As a local daily put it the next week:

"Hon. Barkendale Flossy, the American millionaire of honorable mention, sailed for home on the Celtic yesterday. The gentleman is slight and effeminate, but, in the language of our American cousins — oh, my!" — M. QUAD.

—The Star and Sentinel, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, January 6, 1909, page 4.

Whole Family Arrested for Horsewhipping Youth

Richmond, Indiana, 1909
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LASHED BOY WITH BAD TONGUE.

Whole Family Arrested for Horsewhipping Youth.

Richmond, Ind., Sept. 6.—The entire family of William C. Bass will appear in the city court today to answer to charges of assault and battery on Arthur Englebert. The family includes Mr. and Mrs. Bass, Miss Isabelle Bass and Ellsworth Bass.

The charge of assault and battery grows out of a horsewhipping that Miss Bass administered to young Englebert when she says she learned that he was circulating stories detrimental to her.

The Bass and Englebert families reside close together and Englebert was caught in passing the Bass home and was lashed with a blackshake whip until he was scarcely able to walk.

It is said Englebert apologized before he was allowed to leave the Bass home. He meant to let the matter drop, but the affair became public and he then swore out warrants against the Bass family. At first he tried to obtain a revolver and revisit the Bass home for revenge, but he was dissuaded from this.

--Fort Wayne Weekly Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 8, 1909, page 2.


DIES REJOICING IN CRIME

New York Woman Who Slew Faithless Lover Expires Happily.

New York, Sept. 6.—Still unrepentant for her act, Elizabeth Clara Becker, the young woman who on Saturday killed John A. Gunther, Jr., the garage proprietor, with whom she lived, and then shot herself, died today at a Brooklyn hospital. Her last words expressed satisfaction that Gunther was dead. The woman said she shot him because he was untrue to her.

--Fort Wayne Weekly Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 8, 1909, page 2.



Chocolate quinine proved so toothsome to the five-year-old daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Byron Emley, of Huntington, that the little tot drank eight tablespoonsful of the medicine during the absence of her mother. The child will recover, but may be deaf as a result of the dose.

--Fort Wayne Weekly Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 8, 1909, page 2.