Farmer Henryer Meant Well, but He Didn't Deserve a Good Wife

1895

Old Ripley Henryer is a well to do farmer with skinflint tendencies whose life has been passed without an emotion except what may have been engendered in getting money together and holding fast to it.

When his father died a quarter of a century ago, his mother concluded she could not get along without him, so she quickly followed the same way, and Ripley, coming into possession of the homestead, felt the necessity for a good cook and washerwoman. Then he prevailed upon Hetty Mercer, an affectionate and pretty girl of the neighborhood, to assume those duties, first making her his wife.

It is possible he said nothing to her of the obligations attendant upon the wifely relations, but that made no difference as to results. Ripley was strong as an ox, and, a hard worker himself, he had no use for lazy people and no excuses for those who were weaker than himself.

As time passed little Henryers, one, two, three, five in all, came into the family fold, each one adding to the wife's cares, and meantime Ripley added to his acres.

The number of hired men increased, but in all the years it never occurred to him that the mother of his children might need help in her department. Hired girls were "scarce and awful high," as he put it when one of the neighbors reminded him of his remissness.

Hetty bore her yoke in silence and might have been contented even but for the man's utter lack of sentiment or affection. She had never felt the gentle pressure of his hand in soft caress, and he had never kissed her in his life. She grew old fast, faded and drooped, and finally even the stolid, sordid husband saw the necessity of calling in a doctor.

When the latter was leaving the house, he called Ripley aside and said:

"Suppose you show your wife a little kindness. I think a bit of affection will do her more good than medicine. She's in a bad way and may die."

The selfish fellow was frightened at the prospect of losing his cook and faithful housekeeper, and after some deliberation he entered her bedchamber and awkwardly approached her side, then stooped over and kissed her pale, cold brow.

The poor woman, who for 25 years had been dying for sympathy and love, was so startled at this exhibition of feeling on the part of her husband that tears of thankfulness gathered in her eyes and then rolled down her cheeks.

The lubberly fellow started back at sight of this evidence of weakness and blurted out:

"Gosh! Hetty, you needn't mind it. I didn't mean nothing by it. Doc, he said it mebbe'd make you feel better."

Then the tears dried quickly enough, and the woman turned her pallid face toward the wall.

When Ripley came back an hour later, all the kisses in the world could not have brought moisture to her eyes. The office of cook and laundress was vacant in his house. — Chicago Tribune.

Duties of Brides Taught In College

1920

CLASS NOW LEARNING "HOW TO STAY MARRIED."

Engaged Girls Strive Hard for Immunity Against Grouchy Mates and Alluring Vamps.

DENTON, Texas, Jan. 1. — A school, unique in its purpose and unprecedented in the Southwest, is being conducted under the auspices of the College of Industrial Arts, a school for women here. "How to stay married" is what it teaches, and eighteen young ladies, from various towns in Texas, whose engagements have been announced, are the pupils.

For the purpose of giving these and other young ladies who expect to make homes for some good men, proper instructions in the art of housekeeping and home making, two cottages have been rented by the college. The members of the "How to Stay Married" class are actually keeping house in these cottages, and under the tutorage of a very successful married woman, are wrestling with the various problems which confront the housewife from the altar to the grave.

Right Down to Brass Tacks.

Those young ladies are making up the beds, mopping the floors, preparing sample meals for the prospective husbands, sweeping, ironing, dusting, arranging pictures on the walls, setting the table, washing dishes, polishing stoves and brushing the ceilings. Also they are preparing for receptions, entertaining guests, giving dinners, presiding at social functions and doing a little of any and everything which may fall their lot in after life.

But the mere drudgery of housework does not compose the entire course of "How to Stay Married." There are courses in the business of housekeeping. The students keep accurate sets of books showing imaginary expenses their "house" involves. They do the buying of groceries, complain about the prices, battle for reduction and full weight. They wrangle with the ice man and argue with the butcher. They skimp here and there and deposit their "earned" savings in the bank. They make old gowns over, Johnny's pants from father's old ones, convert worn out dresses into aprons for the girls or themselves and even make dishrags from old flour sacks.

Find Delight In Their Work.

They have their meals for "husband and the family" on the dot and they are all prim when the time for "hubby" to come home from work or the office arrives. It's a strenuous life, but the students declare they like it and are learning things which will be useful to them.

The matron in charge of the class and the president of the college have told the girls "that if they complete the course arranged for them and carry out the practices inculcated therein they will have husbands when they have grandchildren." The teacher said "girls who complete and follow this course of instruction need never fear any vamps, late nights, grouches or divorces."

The college expects to increase its activities along these lines during the next term of school. It is said already a number of young ladies have applied for the course next year. Those who graduate are given special diplomas.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Jan. 3, 1920, p. 8.

He Gets No Pie or Custard

1919

Such Is Hubby's Plea in Cross-bill for Divorce.

FINDLAY, Ohio — It was all right for the wife of Larson L. Brown to take hubby's pay envelope every Saturday and out of the contents pay a premium on the life insurance of her former husband, but when Mrs. Brown fed Larson side meat and boiled potatoes about 365 meals each year then he balked. This was learned when Brown's cross petition to his wife's petition for a divorce was filed. Brown intimated that a little pie and cup custard would have appeased things.

Gypsy Sells Docile Husband To Woman For $5,000 In Gold

1920

Wife Says She's Selling Mate at a Bargain as She Had Paid Same Sum for Him Herself — Declares It Is Tribal Custom and Perfectly Proper

DES MOINES, Iowa, Jan. 1. — Peter Guy, gypsy, formerly the husband of Mary Guy, another of the wandering tribe of Romany, is now the property of another woman.

Peter was sold by his wife for $5,000 in gold, in addition to the property the two had collected in their wanderings.

The bill of sale was drawn up in the office of a local attorney, and at the same time an agreement on the division of property was also made a matter of record.

The three parties to the eternal triangle appeared in the lawyer's office and stated their wants. After he had recovered from the shock, the attorney asked for explanations.

"Oh, not necessary," Mrs. Guy said. "This woman, she want to buy my husband. She have enough money, I don't want him any more, so I sell him."

Says It Is Tribal Custom

She went on to explain that it was the tribal custom, and all of them seemed to think that the proceedings were perfectly legal. The wife asked if her husband could now marry the woman who had bought him.

When told by the attorney that he would have to obtain a divorce, she merely smiled and nodded.

The sale was not the first one in which Guy had figured as human chattel, his former owner told the lawyer.

"Oh, I paid $5,000 for him myself, and I am selling him cheap," she is said to have remarked.

Besides deeding his property to the party of the first part of the sale, Guy gave her the custody of their three children, naming as the only condition that they shall not be taken out of the United States.

Are Dressed in Splendor

All three of the parties to the out-of-the-ordinary sale were dressed in barbaric splendor, with Mrs. Guy the most ornate, the attorney says.

Besides the usual trappings of her tribe, which included a vivid pink headdress, the wife wore a string of gold coins as a necklace which must have been worth at least $500, according to the attorney. In addition, an Austrian kronen hung at the end of each of her tightly-woven braids.

The gypsies live "all over the United States," they told their legal adviser.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Jan. 3, 1920, p. 3.

Hit by Five Bullets; Hurt? Certainly Not

1915

Leaden Pellets From Revolver Strike His Breast, but Leave Only Slight Bruises

ATLANTA, Ga., Dec. 16. — A. W. Villard, 33 years old, signal operator of engine house No. 1, is apparently bulletproof. This was most convincingly demonstrated when S. W. Bacon, Jr., 36 years old, want ad manager of an Atlanta paper, fired five .32-caliber bullets "into" Villard from a revolver held a few inches from his body.

The shooting occurred in the Empire Life building, where Villard said he found Bacon in an office with Mrs. Villard, his wife, from whom the fireman has been separated for some time.

When Bacon started shooting at Villard, the latter was very close to the gun. Bacon fired at Villard's chest; the latter, said Bacon, instead of dropping to the floor, cursed him; Bacon fired again, and, he said, Villard cursed him again. This performance was repeated five times.

Then Bacon stood with the smoking, empty revolver in his hand, while Villard, somewhat dazed and confused from loud noise of the gun and the thumping shock of the five leaden pellets striking against his chest, reached down and picked up two of the bullets which hit him.

Later Villard picked out the other three bullets from against his skin, where they lodged harmlessly, leaving nothing more serious than blue bruises.

The police could not assign any reason for the bullets not taking fatal effect upon Villard, except that at the time Villard was wearing a heavy coat and overcoat.

Mrs. Villard, her husband declared, formerly worked for Bacon as a stenographer, and for about a year had been "going with" Bacon. For a long time Villard and wife have been living apart. He said he began to suspect recently that she was still going with Bacon. So, on the afternoon of the shooting he followed Bacon to the Empire Life building, and then up into the building and to an office of a friend of Bacon's, where the shooting occurred.

Gett Came So Often, Gaigg Just Got Out

Chicago, 1920

Now He's Getting a Divorce While the Getting Is Good

Ludwig Gaigg married Nora Gaigg Dec. 15, 1912.

Last year "Mr. Gett" got between them.

"Forget me, as I shall forget you," wrote Mrs. Gaigg to Mr. Gaigg.

Gaigg took the letter to Judge Sullivan of the Chicago Superior Court and got a divorce.

"We separated Sept. 1, 1919," Gaigg testified. "A man was there whenever I came home."

"Who was he?" asked his attorney, John V. McCormick.

"Mr. Gett," replied Mr. Gaigg. "When I objected, she told me to take my suitcase and get out."

Following is the "forget me" letter that Gaigg said he got from Nora Gaigg, his wife, Nov. 28, 1919:

"Mr. L. Gaigg: You will do me a great favor if you will stay away from me entirely, as I do not wish to see you or have anything to do with you any more. I am thru with you forever and would never think of living with you again. All the love I ever had for you has gone, and I hope you will forget me as I shall forget you."

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Feb. 28, 1920, p. 3.

Has "Postal Cardomania"

1909

Cincinnati Man Gives Reason for Slapping Wife; Court Releases Him

Cincinnati — William Schenck of Elwood place offered a novel excuse for slapping his wife when he faced Judge Hoffman in the police court Wednesday. He claimed that he was a victim of "postal cardomania," and charged his wife with sending them. He presented several cards to the court.

On one was written, "All in and down and out;" another showed a handsome young woman with outstretched arms, yawning. Underneath the picture was printed the words, "I do not care if he never comes back." Another had written on it, "Come in, the water is fine."

The wife claimed that Schenck had slapped and then punched her in the face while he was talking with her Sunday night. He was released.


1900

Sounded Like Age Hint

Mary Anderson Navarro attended a bazaar in England the other day in aid of a religious community and was told by the father rector that she was a mother to them. "Our Mary" is, of course, no longer in the full blush of youthful beauty, but this remark rather startled her for a moment. In the course of a short reply she good-humoredly said that the reverend gentleman might at least have called her a sister.

Managing a Husband

1910

Men are like children; they want managing, although you must never let them dream that you think so. No child likes to be ordered about, no man will endure coercion. But managing! It is an art so subtle, so elusive, that few women understand even the rudiments of it.

Sisters mine, let us reason together, says Woman's Life. In every human being there is a spark of the divine; it is yours to fan that spark into a flame — that is managing a man — it is to get the very best out of him there is to have, and not two women in ten can do it. Do not think that there is anything unworthy in managing a man — to bring out the best is a high vocation.

Only let us see to it that we are worthy of it. There are women who have made angels of men, but at the cost of their own divinity. There is room for more than one unselfish person in a family.


His Bad Break

"Will you love me when I am old?" she whispered. "Didn't I tell you that I love you now?" he responded. And she didn't speak to him again for a whole week.


Not Risking a Quarrel

Heiress-Tell me truly, Arthur, is it your love or your reason prompts you to marry me? Arthur—Just as you like, dearest.


To Credit's Discredit

Business will have its periodical reverses so long as a man who couldn't pay cash for a wheelbarrow is able to buy an automobile on credit.

When a Man Marries He Marries Her Family

1915

Is He Supposed to Espouse Entire Family?

"Does a man marry his wife's family?" He claims he doesn't. But a prominent society woman declared not long ago that he does, no matter what he thinks about it, and more recently a prominent college professor made the same statement.

Looking around among one's acquaintances for evidence, it is a pretty general fact that the wife's family is more in evidence than the husband's. One hears more of the wife's kin, and the children seem to be better acquainted with relatives on the maternal side.

When mother's relatives come a-visiting they are made much of and given the run of the house. If any of father's relatives have the temerity to invite themselves for an extended visit there is a chill in the home atmosphere and nobody acts natural — least of all father, who is made to feel that he is imposing upon the good nature of his overworked spouse.

The wife's relatives feel that it is not only their right but their bounden duty to butt in, no matter what the circumstances. And usually the butt-in is accepted meekly and endured more or less amiably by the entire family. Any husband who is a gentleman will do his kicking away from home, or, if he cannot contain himself at the moment, go down and poke the furnace and commune with the cat.

And yet, on the whole, the wife's relatives seldom do the amount of damage that a husband's relatives can do, once they determine to make themselves felt.

When a husband's mother decides that his children are not being brought up right, or that his wife is extravagant or a poor housekeeper, etc., and that her interference is necessary, real trouble starts, not only for the man's wife but even more so for the man himself. His mother-in-law would never dare to attempt what his own mother will do to him.

The wife may have a ne'er-do-well brother who occasionally comes and camps upon her hospitality. But if the husband has such a brother, nine times in ten the brother has married and expects his more prosperous relatives to support a wife and numerous progeny.

As for fathers-in-law on both sides — they don't count appreciably. By the time a man becomes a father-in-law he has been so well-trained into his proper sphere that he wisely refuses to mix in any kind of family affairs that do not concern his finances. Anyway, there is usually a chord of sympathetic understanding between a man and his father-in-law, while every wife knows the wiles that will bind her father-in-law to her for ever and aye. — Philadelphia Bulletin.

No Soda Fountain on U.P. Trains

1911

Recently a story was printed in a number of newspapers to the effect that the Union Pacific would install soda fountains on its passenger trains this summer. Gerrit Fort, Passenger Traffic Manager, has sent out the following slip to all agents denying the story:

"Dear Sir: In response to your inquiry concerning the alleged arrangement to place soda fountains on our trains:

"The story in question is absolutely without foundation, and had its origin in the fertile brain of an Omaha reporter who was short of news on the day in which the story was printed. Yours truly, Gerrit Fort."


Important Things of Life

Holiness is an infinite compassion for others. Greatness is to take the common things of life and walk truly among them. Happiness is a great love and much serving. — Olive Schreiner.


Wifely Devotion

"A man must have so much on his mind," is the belief by which a wife often supports a cheerful face under rough answers and unfeeling words. — George Elliot.


A Cracker Dainty

A friend in the Walton News tells of a visit to Wilkes county, where he was treated to a new dish, "rabbit sausage," which he declared was "simply fine." — Macon Telegraph.

She Shot Him Just for Fun

1911

The Editor Muses

A St. Louis woman, asked why she shot her husband, said she did it "just for fun." And yet they say women have no sense of humor.

The agitation to make the upper berth lower continues; but no matter at what figure they fix the price it will still be high.

A St. Louis man made his wife cut his hair. Barbering, however, will never be included in any domestic science course.

There is a woman wireless operator. The old saw must be amended to read: "What man has done, a woman can and will do."

Fashionable women in the national capital climb the Washington monument to reduce their flesh. Thus does the uplift reach society.

A woman of ninety-one in Massachusetts wants to go up in a balloon. Another example of how people are as young in times as they want to be.

If a girl has a grown up brother she acquires a pretty fair knowledge of men without having to pass through the agonies of matrimony.

Whoso neglects learning in his youth, loses the past and is dead for the future. — Euripides.

Happy Marriages Through Compromise

1907

Value of the Spirit of Compromise In Wedded Life

If marriage meant the wedding of a saint and an angel there would be no problems to solve, no perfections to attain, no progress to make. This may be why there are no marriages in heaven.

On earth it is different. Husband and wife are strongly human. No matter how lovingly united or how sweet their accord, they never have the same temperaments, tendencies or tastes.

Their needs are different, their manner of looking at things is not identical and in varying ways their individualities assert themselves. At any critical moment if both express at the same time a desire to defer to the other's taste the result is foreordained — happiness. This makes matrimony not merely union, but unison and unity.

The spirit of compromise does not mean a continuous performance in the way of self surrender and self sacrifice; it does not mean ceasing to be a voice and becoming an echo; it does not imply or justify the loss of individuality. It means simply the instinctive recognition of the best way out of a difficulty, the quickest tacking to avoid a collision, the kindly view of tolerance in the presence of weakness and errors of another, the courage to meet an explanation half way, the generosity to be first to apologize for a discord, the largeness of mind that does not fear a sacrifice of dignity in surrendering in the interests of the highest harmony of the two rather than the personal vanity. — Delineator.

Brutality Better Than Ardent Love, Asserts Wife

1920

Smothered by Kisses

SAN FRANCISCO, Cal. — How much should you love your wife?

This is the absorbing question brought up here by the divorce action of Mrs. Leigh M. Stewart, who sues her husband, Commander Stewart, because he loved her too much.

The divorce courts are cluttered with actions because "love has died." Now there comes the reverse — the newer and absorbing question for a judge to determine: Just how much should a man love his wife?

A modern cave man was Commander Stewart, according to his wife. A cave man with gentle human kindness, but overpowering in his love.

"His love for me was so overpowering, so terrible in its intensity, that it killed my own love for him. As I look back over the period of five years of our married life something tells me if he had loved me less I could have loved him more.

"He was never satisfied unless he had me in his arms, kissing me. He never seemed to be able to caress me enough.

"Then we married. It is easily imagined how he won me by this love, but later, incessant as it became, it tired me. I was never free from the very awfulness of his love.

"Life became hateful. Can you imagine sitting at a breakfast table with a man who wouldn't permit you to eat because of the time it took from kissing? At luncheon he would have thought up a new love poem, the kind he always returned with from a sea voyage, and I would have to listen to it. Then at dinner it was more kissing, kisses, kisses, kisses.

"Not so very long ago I tired so utterly of his kisses that I asked him to leave me alone for a moment. He flew into a rage and choked me. I thought then that he was going to kill me, and I can nearer at that moment to loving him than in any of the long years of our married life.

"His caresses were so tiring that brutality was welcome."

Mayor of Racine, Wis., Disclaims Wife's Baby

1920

Attacks Mate's Character in Reply to Her Divorce Action

RACINE, Wis. — William H. Armstrong, mayor of Racine, testified, in answering an action for divorce brought by Mrs. Armstrong, that he is not the father of a child born to her in September of last year.

He asserted he had denied the child from the day of its birth and that when a birth certificate had been sent to him he had crossed his name from it and sent it to Mrs. Armstrong by his 11-year-old daughter, Evelyn.

Denying cruelty charges brought by his wife, the mayor insisted she had never taken care of his home or properly prepared his meals and that the children were frequently ignored during a time when Mrs. Armstrong was out late at night day after day.

He said he had been made ridiculous by his wife's conduct in attending a masquerade party in tights, and that her constant falsehoods had made his home life unbearable.

Hubby's Knees Too Sharp

Pennsylvania, 1914

Woman Tells Court That as a Sleeper He Is a Bunch of Corners and a Menace

Pittsburgh, Pa. Feb. 7. — Culbert A. Killingsworth, apparently as well rounded a husband as ever crowded into a suit of pajamas, sat in a court room here and heard himself referred to as the equivalent of a bedful of stilettos. His wife, Evelyn, after suffering for years the stings and arrows of outrageous elbows, asked a divorce on the grounds that as a sleeper her husband is a menace.

"His knees were like sabers, your honor," said Mrs. Killingsworth, "and I can show that I am covered with bruises that are almost as bad as knife wounds. My husband is a sharp, keen business man in many ways, but as a sleeper he is nothing but a succession of corners. I would rather sleep with a buzz saw."

Judge Moore remarked that there was no necessity of exhibiting the bruises. Mrs. Killingsworth said that she might make other charges, but she felt faint.

Couple, 109 and 104, Join "Shimmy" Class

1920

Both Are Still Able to "Shake a Lively Foot"

BARLEY MILLS, N.Y., Feb. 26. — It may or it may not have been a coincidence that the first piece struck up by the jazz band when Lon Tiller, 109, and his wife, 104, joined the dancing class at the town hall here was, "He may be old, but he's got young ideas!"

Tiller and his wife have taken several lessons and are now as proficient at the new steps as the younger couples. Mrs. Tiller was especially interested in learning the "shimmy" and danced it with youths of this village, among whom was her great grandson, Franklyn K. Tiller.

"It would be hard to find a girl in her teens who can shake a livelier foot than my grandmother," declares young Tiller.

The elder Tiller asserts that he owes his longevity to keeping abreast of the times as far as the modern dances are concerned. He declares that he has been dancing since he was a youth of 16 and expects to live at least another decade.

Wife Rifles Her Husband's Pockets

Indiana, 1905

Discovers Compromising Letters and Files Suit for Divorce — The Courts

Mrs. Leonora D. Butler's testimony was heard this morning in her divorce case against William D. Butler and at the conclusion Judge Heaton took the matter under advisement.

She stated that she found in her husband's pockets two letters and two notes signed by a woman named Angel and while she could not remember just what was in them she knew enough to state that the terms of all the epistles were very endearing. She didn't know the woman until she had made an investigation.

Butler's love grew cold. He went to the fair at St. Louis last fall and upon his return told his wife that he did not have any regard for her and refused to perform the duties of a husband. He is employed by the Wabash Valley Traction company and she asks $1,500.

—The Fort Wayne Sentinel, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Aug. 17, 1905, p. 2.

Six Kisses Are His Limit

1908

Too Much "Lovey Dovey" Business Drove Away a Husband

Chicago, March 10. — Six kisses a day are the limit for Ora M. Leedon. He promised detectives who arrested him for deserting his affectionate wife that he would live with her on that basis. They found him in Springfield, Ill., where he went seven weeks ago.

"It's a case of too much 'lovey dovey' business," said Leedon on the way back from Springfield. "My wife — she was married once or twice before — is a good woman and a fine housekeeper, but she's too strong on the love business to suit me.

"Now, I'm not a chilly guy or anything like that, but I don't want a woman kissing me all the time. When I come home from work in the evening I like to sit down and read the paper. My wife would want me to hold hands with her and say foolish things.

"The only fault I had to find with Annie was her loving nature. I'll agree to go back and live with her if she'll only cut the kissing business out. I don't mind a little kiss now and then, but I draw the line at more than six a day."

Woman's Humor — "Looking For a Maid"

1905

Mrs. Mary E. Wilkins-Freeman was discussing, at her home in Metuchen the popular fallacy that woman has no sense of humor.

"Woman," said this powerful writer, "has a keen sense of humor, and of this fact I am continually hearing excellent proofs. Often it is a sad and bitter humor. But I do not like it less on that account. "From a friend in Exeter I heard a good specimen of woman's humor the other day.

"An old bachelor of Exeter had advertised for a maid of all work. A robust woman of middle age answered his advertisement. The bachelor told her that her appearance, her look of strength, pleased him, and then he proceeded to enumerate the duties that would be required of a maid of all work in his house.

" 'To suit me,' he said, 'a maid will have to do the cooking, the washing and ironing, the sweeping, the cleaning and the marketing. She will have to tend to the garden. She will have to look after my clothes, pressing my trousers once a week, sewing on my buttons, mending my shirts, darning my stockings and so on. She must pay all the bills, and she must keep an account book to show where the money goes. She must—'

"But the woman of middle age held up her hand to interrupt the old bachelor, and his flow of talk ceased.

" 'Well?' he asked.

" 'You,' said the woman, 'don't want hired girl. You want a wife.'

"And with a grim smile — the smile, maybe, of a widow who knew whereof she spoke — she walked away."

Girl Bride Takes Poison with a Smile

1901

Girl Bride Drains Cup in Presence of Husband

CHICAGO - Mrs. Belle Foran, a girl bride, kissed her husband, and sent him off smiling and happy to his work. Then she sent a neighbor's child after him, and when he returned she confronted him with a cup in her hand.

Her cheeks were flushed as if with pleasure and she smiled as she said: "Tom, I'm going take poison." The boy husband did not try to check her, because he thought she was jesting and held only a cup of water in her hand. Then she swallowed a draught of carbolic acid and sank to the ground in an agony of pain.

In two hours the bride was dead. Foran knelt at the side of the body and cried; then resolutely folded his arms and denied admittance to the relatives who had opposed his marriage. It is supposed the girl was despondent because her marriage had resulted in the estrangement of her husband from his family.

—Dubuque Daily Telegraph, Dubuque, IA, Sept. 6, 1901, p. 3.