Thursday, December 20, 2007

Little Visits with "Uncle By"

The Globe, Cedar Falls, Iowa, Aug. 16, 1906, p. 3.

Many a dollar necktie covers a 30-cent shirt.

The baseball season is for summer only, but the moth ball is for all the year round.

"I lie in the fragrant meadows," sings a pastoral poetess. She could come into the city and make money by it. Others do.

"The House of a Thousand Candles" is to be dramatized. That many candles in the theater ought to put the footlights out of business.

The girl who is proposed to and says, "This is so sudden," should remember that the young man will always give her time to turn down the gas before answering.

It is said that smoking at great heights gives no pleasure. Presumably that is why smoking in the haymow usually turns Little Willie's stomach inside out.

Adam invented the hammer, the slangist utilized it in his infinitive "to knock," but the man who hit his finger instead of the nail, was the first man on record with a swear word.

A railway authority says one of the probabilities is the establishing of through railroad service between North and South America. Wonder what it will cost in tips to make the trip.

It is predicted that Chicago will some day be destroyed by an earthquake. In which case, if it destroyed the cable lines and the stockyards smell, the game might be worth the candle.

A Nebraska man undressed in his berth on board a sleeping car and threw his trousers out of the window instead of into the hammock as he supposed. He went to the hotel in a sheet and a sickish smile.

"Have you ever driven along a country road by moonlight?" asks Craig Law in Four-Track News. You bet, and she was the prettiest, daintiest, sweetest bunch of taffeta and frizzes that ever made a fellow's heart go pit-i-pat.

When a street car fare is paid in Copenhagen, Denmark, the conductor thanks the passenger and gives him a receipt. When a street car fare is paid in Chicago, the conductor growls because you give him a two-dollar bill and you fight for a transfer.

"The heart of a woman who has lived to be 70 has beaten 260,000,000 times," says an exchange. Does this allow for the loss of beats when the baby fell into the soapsuds or the mother swallowed a safety pin, and the heart stood still? Shouldn't there be a considerable rebate for the times "my heart just stopped beating"?

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