Pearls of Thought — "Telling a Woman You Love Her"

1906

The most fun that people have is in planning it.

Music lessons for a girl make more noise, but cooking lessons keep the peace.

If you tell a woman you love her she believes you even when she knows you don't.

People can afford to wear plenty of mourning for a relative if they were remembered in the will.

People seem to think nowadays that a man's son is a wonder to be able to make his own living.

A nice thing about being poor is you don't make enemies for refusing to found public institutions.

When a man kisses a girl on a dark piazza, she would scream if she weren't afraid of scaring her mother.

A girl knows an awful lot to be able to make men think that her knowing nothing is better than if she did.

Once in a while a man doesn't have to lie about what kept him out so late, but it's because his wife isn't home to ask him.

If a man ever got up early enough to eat his breakfast without swallowing it all at once, he might think the cook earned her wages.

No woman is ever so sympathetic with a widow over her loss as to forget to examine carefully the kind of mourning she is wearing.

There's hardly anything makes a humorist madder than to read a joke somewhere and have you get it off on him before he can on you.

A man never seems to think he is doing his duty to his country unless he goes around before election yelling his views into everybody's ears.

When a girl is so anxious for a man to ask her to marry him that she can't wait for him to finish before saying yes, she will pretend she doesn't understand him. — From "Reflections of a Bachelor," in the New York Press.