Words of Wisdom for Bachelors

1906

Candy catches more girls than poetry.

Half the time a girl gets engaged just for practice.

A man could be very fond of his sister if she were somebody else's.

There is money in most any occupation except the one you are in.

A man can keep a fair share of his popularity by not running for office.

It's very improper to do an improper thing you are going to get caught at.

A very rich widow can get very stout without any one daring to call her fat.

If a man did the things he tells his sons to do he would think he was a milk-sop.

What a woman likes about spooning in the moonlight is the way it doesn't hurt her complexion.

It takes a widow an awful long time to learn what she knew before her husband died.

You will always find that when a girl will admit her shoe pinches her it's over the instep.

A woman would be much crosser than she is if she weren't so busy trying to keep her husband from getting cross.

When a man tries to build a chicken house himself to save money it's a sign he is going to be broke for the next three years.

If a woman can't think of anything else to be miserable about she will go away from home so as to worry over the children.

Babies have very strong constitutions not to have spasms over every new language the women folk discover to talk to them.

A girl seems to have an awful easy time making a man think he wants to marry her, when she is the one that is doing the wanting.

There is hardly anything that tickles a woman so much as to have you remember her boy's name when you just happened to guess it. — From "Reflections of a Bachelor," in the New York Press.