Why Lawyers Escape Going To Hell (poetry)

1902

WHY LAWYERS ESCAPE.

The devil came up to the earth one day,
And into a court house he wended his way.
Just then one attorney, with very grave face,
Was proceeding to argue a point in a case.

Now a lawyer his devilship never had seen,
For to his dominion none ever had been.
And he felt very curious the reason to know
Why none had been sent to the region below.

'Twas the fault of his agents his majesty thought,
That none of these sharpers had never been caught.
And for his own pleasure he had a desire
To come to the earth and the reason inquire.

Well, the lawyer who rose with a visage so grave
Made out his opponent a consummate knave,
And the devil was certainly greatly amused
To hear the attorney so roundly abused.

As soon as the speaker had come to a close,
The counsel opposing him fiercely arose,
And heaped such abuse on the head of the first
That he made him a villain of all men the worst.

Thus they quarreled, contended and argued so strong,
'Twas hard to determine the one that was wrong,
And concluding he'd heard quite enough of this fuss,
Old Nick turned away and soliloquized thus:

"If all they have said of each other be true,
The devil has surely been robbed of his due;
But I'm satisfied now that it's all very well
For these lawyers would ruin the morals of h—l.

"They've puzzled the court with their villainous cavil,
And I'm free to confess they have muddled the devil.
My agents are right to let lawyers alone.
If I had them they'd swindle me out of my throne."

—AARON LISCHY.

—Fort Wayne News, Fort Wayne, IN, June 23, 1902, p. 4.