Parisian Lawyers

1901

Their Life Very Different From That of American Attorneys

Lawyers in France, according to a Rochester gentleman, who has just returned from a three years' sojourn in Paris, do not have such an easy time as they do in this country, says the Rochester Union and Advertiser.

There, far from encouraging the bright young men of the land to enter into the legal profession, it would seem that that they are discouraged and every obstacle thrown in their path, the result generally being that it is only a rich man who can be a lawyer.

"Under the regulations at present in force," says this Rochester gentleman, "barristers, after they have kept their terms, and passed a sort of three years' novitiate, during which they have the title of advocate, but have no voice in the deliberations of the council of discipline, and are not inscribed on the rolls, can plead during the three years' probation, but it is a sort of empty privilege in nine cases out of ten."

When an eminent barrister in France employs a junior it is generally some one inscribed on the rolls; should he employ the probationer, the honor thus accorded him must suffice. He does not pay him. But he must live, and here is where the problem comes in, which is usually more easily solved by the American or English young lawyer than it is by his Parisian brother.

In the first place, there is the outlay for his gown, or beretta, which comes close to 80 francs, unless he prefers to hire it at the rate of 10 cents per day. Then he must engage some one to teach him deportment, for this is an essential qualification in this land, where King Etiquette rules with an iron hand. The services of a professor of the conservatory must also be called in to train his voice, unless nature has been kind to him in that respect. But these expenses are mere incidents. He must, above all, not live in small chambers and rent dingy offices. Poverty is a poor key to open the pockets of his clients.

"Mrs. Grundy Says" – Comments and Asides

1895

That some are confident Hades will have to be enlarged.

That as a reckless talker the girl of the period rivals the parrot.

That unbridled, malicious tongues do as much harm as unloaded guns.

That too many lawyers labor more for their fees than for their clients.

That the sycophant finds himself entirely at home in fashionable society.

That the "fine Italian hand" is seen in some late international engagements.

That women who never went near Worth are loudest deploring his death.

That the social ascendancy of the obscure does not interest the astronomer.

That women who compromise themselves are as lost as those who hesitate.

That society women who have special means of livelihood are numerous.

That he is a foolish fellow who thinks taking the Keeley cure is a distinction.

That it would be a good thing if some of the clubs went out of existence.

That some of the "lectures" under fashionable auspices are akin to twaddle.

That "how d'do" is the only thing that does not cost money in a court of law.

That fashionable sympathy is the kind extended to get further particulars.

That with so many comic papers it is to be expected that old jokes will reappear.

That high collars are the only thing that makes some men hold up their head.

That women interviewed about their divorce are not in need of any nerve tonic.

That the commercial feature of international marriages is not given publicity.

That a power of removal bill for operation in society would be a good thing.

That everybody who is anybody appears to have arranged to "go to Europe."

That amateur poets are sometimes as much a nuisance as dogs in Constantinople.

That it is a precarious thing to change one's religion for the sake of a marriage.

Big Word for Baldness Impressed the Jury

1914

Clever Use of Scientific Term Resulted in Acquittal of Lawyer's Client

The case was one of assault and battery, and one of the witnesses was a local doctor whom the prosecuting lawyer proceeded to bully, suggesting that he was prejudiced in favor of the defendant, and had willfully distorted his evidence in his favor.

The doctor denied this, and went on to say that the defendant was suffering from "phalacrosis." The word caused a sensation in court, and, asked to define the disease, the doctor described it as "a sort of chronic disease of an inflammatory nature which affects certain cranial tissues." Asked if it affected the mind, the doctor said he was not posing as an expert, but he had known some persons when suffering from the disease become raving maniacs, and others merely foolish. Some showed destructive and pugilistic tendencies, while many others had suffered for years and had never shown any mental abnormalities.

He refused to say anything further, and the jury promptly acquitted the accused, because, as the foreman explained, "Doc said there was something the matter with his head."

When the case was over the prosecutor sought enlightenment as to the mysterious disease, and found that "phalacrosis" meant — baldness.

Real Gratitude — Guilty Man Happy With Not-Guilty Verdict

1914

When Blaine was a young lawyer and cases were few, he was asked to defend a poverty-stricken tramp accused of stealing a watch. He pleaded with all the ardor at his command, drawing so pathetic a picture with such convincing energy that at the close of his argument the court was in tears and even the tramp wept. The jury deliberated a few minutes and returned the verdict "not guilty." Then the tramp drew himself up, tears streaming down his face as he looked at the future "plumed knight" and said: "Sir, I have never heard so grand a plea. I have not cried before since I was a child. I have no money with which to reward you, but (drawing a package from the depths of his ragged clothes), here's the watch; take it and welcome." — Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.


New Idea for Belting

Those who buy belting for machinery will not have to worry about the price of leather in the years to come if a certain sort of belting which is being manufactured by a firm in Connecticut proves to be a success. The new product is called flexible steel belting and is really a step further than the chain and sprocket idea. The belting is made in a complicated series of links and can be used on all pulleys of from two inches in diameter to the largest size. It has been designed especially for service where atmospheric conditions are bad for leather and rubber belts.

A Dozen Carloads of Callers Give Newlyweds A "Belling"

Ohio, 1918

WERE TENDERED AN OLD-TIME BELLING

A dozen machine loads of Elks called at the home of Attorney and Mrs. F. S. Scott, in the Mt. Vernon road, last evening, and gave them an old-fashioned "belling."

Judge Scott had retired when his wife aroused him by informing him that several machines must have missed the road as they were coming up their driveway. The din made by the visitors was terrific, and later they were invited into the home by Mr. Scott, who introduced his wife and refreshments were served.

Congratulations were extended the newlyweds, and a speech of felicitation was made by Dr. H. H. Baker. Attorney Scott responding, stating that he was sorry they had not called earlier as he would like to have shown them all his war garden, consisting of everything in the vegetable line; his poultry and his livestock, consisting of two cows, five Belgian hares, and an English bulldog.

The visitors left after spending a pleasant evening and were all given a cordial invitation to return.

—The Newark Advocate, Newark, Ohio, June 12, 1918, p. 4.

Why Lawyers Escape Going To Hell (poetry)

1902

WHY LAWYERS ESCAPE.

The devil came up to the earth one day,
And into a court house he wended his way.
Just then one attorney, with very grave face,
Was proceeding to argue a point in a case.

Now a lawyer his devilship never had seen,
For to his dominion none ever had been.
And he felt very curious the reason to know
Why none had been sent to the region below.

'Twas the fault of his agents his majesty thought,
That none of these sharpers had never been caught.
And for his own pleasure he had a desire
To come to the earth and the reason inquire.

Well, the lawyer who rose with a visage so grave
Made out his opponent a consummate knave,
And the devil was certainly greatly amused
To hear the attorney so roundly abused.

As soon as the speaker had come to a close,
The counsel opposing him fiercely arose,
And heaped such abuse on the head of the first
That he made him a villain of all men the worst.

Thus they quarreled, contended and argued so strong,
'Twas hard to determine the one that was wrong,
And concluding he'd heard quite enough of this fuss,
Old Nick turned away and soliloquized thus:

"If all they have said of each other be true,
The devil has surely been robbed of his due;
But I'm satisfied now that it's all very well
For these lawyers would ruin the morals of h—l.

"They've puzzled the court with their villainous cavil,
And I'm free to confess they have muddled the devil.
My agents are right to let lawyers alone.
If I had them they'd swindle me out of my throne."

—AARON LISCHY.

—Fort Wayne News, Fort Wayne, IN, June 23, 1902, p. 4.