Merely Homely

1916

Shortsighted Officer — It's all right, my man, you can take off your mask now; the gas has passed.
Private — Beggin' your pardon, Sir, I ain't got no mask on! — Passing Show.


He Understood

"I don't see why horses are afraid of automobiles," said Dick.
"Well, I do," replied his ten-year-old companion. "They look like buggies a-going without horses."
"What if they do? That is no reason," replied Dick.
"Now look here, Dick! You know you'd get scared if you saw my suit a-walking down the street and me not along to make it go."


Something Like It

Bobby was rehearsing the patriotic lines he was to speak at the Sunday school Fourth of July celebration.
"'It—it—oh, yes—it gimleted well for our great and glorious—'"
"'Gimleted? Gimleted?' Why, Bobby!" the teacher interrupted. 'Augured,' Bobby. 'Augured.'"
"Oh, yes; augured! I knew it was something they bored with."