"Sissy" of Chicago

1908

"Sissy" of Chicago.

[Copyright, 1908, by T. C. McClure.]

"Sissy" Floss was at Chicago. His father had left him $1,000,000, and he had been through college and traveled. He was called "Sissy" because he was short and slight and effeminate.

The young man had accompanied a friend to New York to see him off for Europe. The steamer sailed in the afternoon, and soon after her departure "Sissy" fell in with a couple of college chums. A dinner and a trip to Chinatown were planned and came off. The effeminate was only five feet tall, and his weight was only 110 pounds, and his voice was like that of a girl, but when he cut loose to have a good time he was all there. The trio were slumming the slums in the most approved fashion when a row took place, and "Sissy" was separated from his companions. He had imbibed too much to know whether he was in Baltimore or Boston or to make much of a defense, and at the end of five minutes he was very much in the hands of the Philistines. The gang floored him and went through him up to his collar button. They dragged him into a cellar, stripped off his clothes and gave him an old Bowery suit in exchange and left him to come to or pass in his checks. He was in an undecided state when the keeper of a Cherry street boarding house came along and took in the situation. He also took "Sissy" in. He wanted one more hand to make up a crew for a bark sailing for Bristol next day, and it made very little difference whether he got a live or a dead man.

When "Sissy" Floss awoke next morning he was lying in a bunk in the deck house of the White Wings, which craft was at anchor off Liberty island and making ready to begin her voyage. He didn't awake until he was being pulled out of his bunk by the second mate, who was also damning his eyes, his ears, his nose and other portions of his anatomy in the language of the deep blue sea. After being landed on the floor with a bump the young man was kicked out on deck and then up and down the decks. This was to arouse his enthusiasm for a life on the ocean wave. "Sissy" realized almost at once that he was being booted, but it took him some time to figure out why he wasn't in his room at the Waldorf. While he was puzzling over it he was booted some more, and the bark got under way. She was off Fire island before the victim got it through his head that he had been shanghaied and was being carried to sea. A protest was in order, and "Sissy" went aft to the captain to make it.

"What are you doing here?" roared that officer.

"I want to state my case."

"Case? You miserable little skulker, what have you got to say for yourself? Out with it!"

The story was told. The captain listened to it, with a grin and a sneer on his face, and then exclaimed:

"You are a blankety-blank liar! You signed articles of your own free will. You are a pickpocket or a green goods man that wants to get away from the police for awhile. Turn to and don't let me hear another word. If you keep this thing up there won't be as much as an eyebrow left of you by the time we reach the other side."

"Sissy" started to protest and was kicked off the poop. In going forward he was cuffed by the chief mate and kicked by the second, and, although more fit for the hospital than the decks of a ship, he was turned to and set to work. From that time on his days were anything but joyous. He was a protesting sailor. In the eyes of captain and mates he could not be a worse villain. He was made ship's boy. Nothing was too dirty to set him at. The cook stood in with the after guard and gave him many a kick and cuff, and the nearer the bark got to England's shores the worse the mates hazed him.

After the first interview with the captain "Sissy" made no more protests. He began to rise to the occasion. He recorded the kicks and cuffs in a diary. The last entry was made when three days from port. He neglected to add "sir" when answering the second mate and was knocked down and given a pair of black eyes. Then as soon as the bark had made fast to a wharf he was kicked ashore and told not to return under penalty of death.

Two hours after the last kick the young man had satisfied the American consul of his identity. A cablegram to Chicago brought him several thousand dollars within the next twenty-four hours. Two days later, when he had properly clothed himself, he brought about another emergency. This time it was for the captain, mates and cook of the bark to rise to it. Warrants were served on the four men — warrants for several things. The bark was overloaded by a foot. Her provisions were totally unfit. She was undermanned, and she carried no medicine chest. Not only the officers, but the owners, were haled into court. There were fines, and certificates were suspended, and as a last satisfaction "Sissy" stood by, with a joyous smile on his face, while his two hired prizefighters caught the two mates at the dock and gave them such a walloping that there are sailors in Bristol who remember it yet. As a local daily put it the next week:

"Hon. Barkendale Flossy, the American millionaire of honorable mention, sailed for home on the Celtic yesterday. The gentleman is slight and effeminate, but, in the language of our American cousins — oh, my!" — M. QUAD.

—The Star and Sentinel, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, January 6, 1909, page 4.