Had Forty Homes

1901

Vollon, the painter, was a unique personage even among the old characters of Paris. While he was essentially a Bohemian there were times when even his patience was taxed to the utmost, and to obviate the necessity of meeting unwelcome people he conceived the idea of multiplying his lodging places.

At the time of his death he owned no less than 40 homes, all in apartment houses, situated in all the out of the way corners of Paris, plainly furnished and with just enough accommodation for himself. He changed from one to the another all the time, in order to escape importunate acquaintances and to take refuge from his friends. It was in order to throw them all off the scent that he engaged rooms all over the city.

He finally died in the Rue de Dunkerque, where he had as many as three different apartments, all within a stone's throw of one another.

Eight Rules For Popularity

1902

First — Remember that a good voice is as essential to self-possession as good ideas are essential to fluent language, The voice should be carefully trained and developed. A full, clear, flexible voice is one of the surest indications of good breeding.

Second — Remember that one may be witty without being popular, voluble without being agreeable, a great talker and yet a great bore.

Third — Be sincere. One who habitually sneers at everything not only renders herself disagreeable to others but will soon cease to find pleasure in life.

Fourth — Be frank. A frank, open countenance and a clear, cheery laugh are worth far more oven socially than "pedantry in a stiff cravat."

Fifth — Be amiable. You may hide a vindictive nature under a polite exterior for a time, as a cat masks its sharp claws in velvet fur, but the least provocation brings out one as quickly as the other, and ill-natured people are always disliked.

Sixth — Be sensible. Society never lacks for fools, and what you consider very entertaining nonsense may soon be looked upon as very tiresome folly.

Seventh — Be cheerful. If you have no great trouble on your mind you have no right to render other people miserable by your long face and dolorous tones. If you do you will generally be avoided.

Eighth — Above all, be cordial and sympathetic. True cordiality and sympathy unite all the other qualities enumerated, and are certain to secure the popularity so dear to everyone. — New York World.

How to Keep Your Friends

1901

"The less you exact of your friends the more they will give you," writes Helen Watterson Moody of "The First Tragedy In a Girl's Life" in The Ladies' Home Journal.

"For yourself give as richly and as nobly as you want to of your love and your confidence and your loyalty. Live up to your highest ideal of what a friend should be (and the higher you make that ideal the finer woman you will be and the more friends will flock to you), but never exact of your friends that they shall give you more than they choose easily to give. If someone you love disappoints you — and as many, many more will do in days to come — do not hold up your ideal of what they should be and do as a mirror in which to count their imperfections. Let it pass, if you can, with a little smile that may be sad, but need not be at all satirical. And never be jealous of a friend if you want to keep one. If anybody you are fond of forms other friendships or seems to be engrossed with other friends, do not let it make you unhappy and, above all, never comment upon her all too evident neglect of her old friends for her new ones."

"Smile Club," the Latest in New York

1910

NEW YORK. — Miss Sara Carolyn Stright is the originator of the club which has just been started. In its few weeks of existence it has gained 75 members and they are widely scattered.

Florida is represented and California. There is a Wisconsin man who has joined and this is how his joining came about: A New York city man went to Buffalo on business and was asked by a stranger with whom he was talking: "What order are you?"

"Smile," returned the New Yorker, beaming on the questioner and pointing to the tiny gold pin with the words "The Smile Club" on it.

"I'd like to be a Smile myself," and so the Wisconsin man joined the ranks of the Smile club.

"There is a great demand for such a club and we are trying to fill it," said Miss Stright at her home, 241 Park place, Brooklyn, according to the New York Evening Telegram. "We appeal to the best in every one, and we appeal to all classes. The uneducated are seeking happiness as earnestly as the most highly developed persons. We are working out the ideal of innumerable people in the simplest way possible.

"It is somewhat misleading to call ourselves simply the Smile club. But if people would only realize the real meaning of 'smile' it wouldn't be misleading at all. We shall help people to forget themselves, to eliminate all destructive criticism and thoughts and to see good, and good only, in people. They must love life — animal life as well as human life — and God's out of doors above all things.

"One of the aims of the Smile club is to build a summer home for little city children who could not otherwise go to the country. The atmosphere will be entirely of sunshine, smiles and cheer on all sides. Nothing that is unhappy or unclean or unwholesome will be even mentioned."

Puss Sailed Away

1900

Went Aboard a Steamship and Made Herself Quite at Home

If there is anything in the popular superstition among sailors that "a cat brings good luck," the voyage of the British steamship Thalia will be a pleasant one, says the Savannah News.

A fine, large Maltese cat went aboard the day before she sailed, and composedly curled herself up on the heavily upholstered crimson sofa in the officers' saloon, and when the vessel sailed she was a contented passenger. "She is an old traveler," said the steward, as he stroked her soft fur "and this is not her first voyage. Cats like a change, and they will visit one vessel and then another in port until they find one that suits them; and they are knowing animals, and seem to have some intuition when a vessel is going to sail.

"Do I think a cat brings luck? Oh, yes. It's good luck to have a cat come to you. Why, that's not a superstition of sailors alone. Did you ever see a landlubber that didn't believe it? That cat will have the best treatment on board; besides, there's no end to the rats on board, and the cat will be useful as well as lucky for us."


Friends Are Discovered

Friends are discovered rather than made; there are people who are in their own nature friends, only they do not know each other; but certain things, like poetry, music and painting, are like the Freemasons' signs — they reveal the initiated to each other. — Mrs. Stowe.

Daughter Can Save Mother

1915

There Are Many Little Pleasures Girl Can Give Her Parents — Don't Talk Disrespectfully

There is so much a daughter can do for her mother that it is hard to know where to begin. Remember, girls, that all your lives your mothers have been sacrificing themselves for you. Now you have a chance to reverse things.

Your shoulders are young and strong; help lift the burden a little from the tired shoulders that have borne it so long. Let mother see that you appreciate all that she has done for you. Take the heaviest part of the housework off her hands. Make her stay in bed in the morning while you get the breakfast. Send her out to enjoy herself while you look after the children.

Of course you cannot do this every day, but you can do your share of it.

If you are a business girl you cannot do much of this sort of thing, but there are many little pleasures you can give her.

Something pretty to wear will please her. She likes pretty things as well as you do. Confide in her and tell her your hopes and ambitions. She is better than all the girl friends in the world and will never tell your secrets.

The trouble about mothers is, that we get so used to them that we don't half appreciate them until we lose them. Then quickly enough we realize what all that divine care and tenderness meant. No matter how much you do, you can't begin to return all they have done for you, but do the best you can. A little love and petting is always appreciated by mothers; try it with yours and see if she does not thrive under it.

As for the girls who talk and act disrespectfully toward their mothers, for them no criticism is too harsh. If only they knew what outsiders think of it I believe they would stop it.

The prettiest girl in the world is absolutely devoid of charm if she is impertinent to her mother.

Begin today, girls, and save your mothers all the worries you can; show them all the consideration you can, and give them all the love you can. — Selected.

Ways of the Popular Girl

1915

She Is Always Optimistic; Loyal to Her Friends and Finds World Good Place to Live In

She smiles when things go wrong, and does not consider every little disappointment a calamity.

She shares her pleasures with others and keeps her troubles to herself.

She never makes the faults of her friends a subject of conversation; is slow to criticize, and can always find something kind to say about everyone.

She accepts favors gracefully and returns them gladly.

She does not shift her responsibilities on to others, but cheerfully lends a hand to lighten her neighbor's load; strives to keep on the sunny side, but is ever ready with helpful sympathy for those who walk in the shade.

She is loyal to her friends, tender and devoted to those she loves, and generous to all; and she finds the world a good place to live in.


The Second Stage

"Young Gadson and Miss Doppel have reached the second stage of their courtship."
"What is that?"
"They have stopped playing the Victrola and have started to reading poetry together."

Practical Joke Lands Pair in County Jail

1920

Dance Promoters Get Free Dinner, but "Never Again!"

ST. JOSEPH, Mo., Feb. 26. — A little practical joke landed Frank Mahaney and his bosom friend, Toble Resnik, in the county jail, where they were kept for several hours before they could convince the officers that they were only joking. Now, when they are asked about practical jokes, they raise their hands and exclaim: "We're off that stuff!"

It all came about this way. Mahaney, who is a dancing master, was to give a grand ball in the opera house at Savannah. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon he and Resnik drove into Savannah and went to look over the hall and arrange the preliminaries for the evening's fun. But the fun came a long time before that.

When they came down half an hour later they found a great crowd congregated around their car examining a bottle of distilled water. When a fellow asked if it was their alcohol Mahaney answered in the affirmative, and added that "it's good stuff at that."

Then it was all over but the shouting, for the next act opened with Mahaney and Resnik in the county jail. Their only compensation was that they had a free dinner at the expense of the jailer. They were released from the bastile in time to "go on with the dance."


It Merely Saved Time

A rich old fellow refused a friend the loan of $50. "I did not expect that of you," said the friend bitterly, "and I will never forgive you for your refusal." "Of course, you won't, my dear fellow," said the other; "but if I lent you the $50 you wouldn't have repaid me, and we should have quarreled about that — so it's as well to get the row over at once. Good morning!"

Signature of the Cross, Signing with an "X"

1874

The mark which persons, who are unable to write are required to make instead of their signatures, is in the form of a cross; and this practice having been formerly followed by kings and nobles, is constantly referred to as an instance of the deplorable ignorance of ancient times.

This signature is not, however, invariably a proof of such ignorance. Anciently the use of the mark was not confined to illiterate persons; for among the Saxons the mark of the cross, as an attestation of the good faith of the person signing was required to be attached to the signature of those who could write, as well to stand in the place of the signature of those who could not write. In those times, if a man could write, even read, his knowledge was considered proof that he was in holy orders. The clericus, or clerk was synonymous with penman; and the laity, or people who were not clerks, did not feel any urgent necessity for the use of letters.

The ancient use of the cross was therefore universal, alike by those who could and those who could not write; it was indeed the symbol of an oath, from its sacred associations, as well as the mark generally adopted. Hence the origin of the expression, "God save the mark," as a form of ejaculation approaching the character of an oath.


The Friendship of Men

I know nothing which life has to offer so satisfying as the profound good understanding which can subsist, after much exchange of good offices, between two virtuous men, each of whom is sure of himself and of his friend. It is a happiness which postpones all other gratifications and makes politics and commerce and churches cheap. For, when men shall meet as they ought, each a benefactor, a shower of stars, clothed with thoughts, with deeds, with accomplishments, it would be the festival of nature which all things announce. — Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Words of Wisdom

1878

Go among great folks for great sinners.

Love drifts into hate more easily than indifference into animosity.

He is no true friend who has nothing, but compliments and praise for you.

Sharp and intelligent rascals are more respected by the world than virtuous fools.

Many people find their only happiness in forcing themselves to be unhappy.

Ennui is a malady for which the only remedy is work; pleasure is only a palliative.

He who has no desire to improve upon his present condition, is usually one who most needs improvement.

Adverse criticism is cheaper than noble attempts to improve upon existing models.

We could not endure solitude were it not for the powerful companionship of hope or of some unseen one.

It is not difficult to do good for the means are constantly clustering about every man's lips and hands.

Pride is like the beautiful acacia, that lifts its head proudly above its neighbor plants, forgetting that it too, like them, has its root in the dirt.

We shall never learn to feel and respect our real calling and destiny unless we have taught ourselves to consider everything as moonshine compared with the education of the heart.

The great blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach, but we shut our eyes and, like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for without finding it.

Evils in the journey of life are like the hills which alarm travelers upon their road; they both appear great at a distance, but when we approach them we find that they are far less insurmountable than when we had conceived them.

Manners are the shadows of virtues; the momentary display of those qualities which our fellow creatures love and respect. If we strive to become, then, what we strive to appear, manners may often be rendered useful guides to the performance of our duties.

Among the many arguments, while others have been refuted, this alone remains unshaken, that we ought to beware of committing injustice rather than of being injured, and that, above all, a man ought to study not to appear good, but to be so, both privately and publicly.

It is resignation and contentment that are best calculated to lead us safely through life. Whoever has not sufficient power to endure privations and even suffering can never feel that he is armor proof against painful emotion — nay, he must attribute to himself, or at least to the morbid sensitiveness of his nature, every disagreeable feeling he may suffer.

Flashlights and Humorous Observations

1917

Nobody ever made a real success of the other fellow's business.

It's human nature to go to some swell cafe to study human nature, where everything except what is real human nature can be found.

A virtue that is boasted of is usually a very new possession.

A man can live down a vicious past, but a fellow is a fool to handicap himself to that extent.

No man is strong enough to carry a grudge and do justice to himself, too.

Being a good fellow downtown is all right enough in its way, but save a little of your good nature for use when you get home.

A woman never understands why a lot of other women's husbands can make fortunes out of stocks and mines and real estate and her husband can't even get a raise in salary.

Little things trouble us and little things console us.

Only a fool will pay twice for the same experience.

When a man becomes thoroughly contented he has outlived his usefulness.

It is easier for the borrowed umbrella to keep lent than it is for the average man.

The hardest thing in this world for a dead game sport to do is not to tell you about it.

Many a fool, after putting his foot in it, isn't satisfied until he gets there with both feet.

Marriageable couples are fond of star gazing because they are properly equipped for it.

When a candidate places himself in the hands of his friends they massage his pocketbook freely.

Now and then you will find that the shyest girl gets tangled up in the boldest love affair.

If women were unable to see the fine clothes other women wear they would have fewer wrinkles.

When you pick up a pretty girl's handkerchief it is permissible to wonder how she came to drop it.

When a married man walks into a public place looking mad enough to bite a nail in two, and growls to those who speak to him, old maids who happen to be present shake hands with themselves. They have nothing like that coming home noon and evenings.

From The Pencil's Point: Wisdom and Quips

1916

Troubles, like babies, grow larger with nursing.

You can bank on finding a well-filled pocketbook interesting.

Men who don't enjoy good health ought to be physicians.

When you expect an opportunity it usually misses the train.

One word may make a new friendship or break an old one.

No man ever bought a horse that turned out to be just as represented.

Wise is he who selects an obedient daughter of a good mother for his wife.

Some people seem to think you should pay rent for the place you occupy in their thoughts.

Even if you have nothing to give the poor but a crust of bread, make it palatable by softening it with a little of the milk of human kindness.

It took Father Time thousands of years to make a man of a monkey, but a girl can make a monkey of a man in two minutes.

The modest friend who offers to lend you a couple of dollars when you are broke is far more worthy of your praise than the hero of a hundred battles.

"Sissy" of Chicago

1908

"Sissy" of Chicago.

[Copyright, 1908, by T. C. McClure.]

"Sissy" Floss was at Chicago. His father had left him $1,000,000, and he had been through college and traveled. He was called "Sissy" because he was short and slight and effeminate.

The young man had accompanied a friend to New York to see him off for Europe. The steamer sailed in the afternoon, and soon after her departure "Sissy" fell in with a couple of college chums. A dinner and a trip to Chinatown were planned and came off. The effeminate was only five feet tall, and his weight was only 110 pounds, and his voice was like that of a girl, but when he cut loose to have a good time he was all there. The trio were slumming the slums in the most approved fashion when a row took place, and "Sissy" was separated from his companions. He had imbibed too much to know whether he was in Baltimore or Boston or to make much of a defense, and at the end of five minutes he was very much in the hands of the Philistines. The gang floored him and went through him up to his collar button. They dragged him into a cellar, stripped off his clothes and gave him an old Bowery suit in exchange and left him to come to or pass in his checks. He was in an undecided state when the keeper of a Cherry street boarding house came along and took in the situation. He also took "Sissy" in. He wanted one more hand to make up a crew for a bark sailing for Bristol next day, and it made very little difference whether he got a live or a dead man.

When "Sissy" Floss awoke next morning he was lying in a bunk in the deck house of the White Wings, which craft was at anchor off Liberty island and making ready to begin her voyage. He didn't awake until he was being pulled out of his bunk by the second mate, who was also damning his eyes, his ears, his nose and other portions of his anatomy in the language of the deep blue sea. After being landed on the floor with a bump the young man was kicked out on deck and then up and down the decks. This was to arouse his enthusiasm for a life on the ocean wave. "Sissy" realized almost at once that he was being booted, but it took him some time to figure out why he wasn't in his room at the Waldorf. While he was puzzling over it he was booted some more, and the bark got under way. She was off Fire island before the victim got it through his head that he had been shanghaied and was being carried to sea. A protest was in order, and "Sissy" went aft to the captain to make it.

"What are you doing here?" roared that officer.

"I want to state my case."

"Case? You miserable little skulker, what have you got to say for yourself? Out with it!"

The story was told. The captain listened to it, with a grin and a sneer on his face, and then exclaimed:

"You are a blankety-blank liar! You signed articles of your own free will. You are a pickpocket or a green goods man that wants to get away from the police for awhile. Turn to and don't let me hear another word. If you keep this thing up there won't be as much as an eyebrow left of you by the time we reach the other side."

"Sissy" started to protest and was kicked off the poop. In going forward he was cuffed by the chief mate and kicked by the second, and, although more fit for the hospital than the decks of a ship, he was turned to and set to work. From that time on his days were anything but joyous. He was a protesting sailor. In the eyes of captain and mates he could not be a worse villain. He was made ship's boy. Nothing was too dirty to set him at. The cook stood in with the after guard and gave him many a kick and cuff, and the nearer the bark got to England's shores the worse the mates hazed him.

After the first interview with the captain "Sissy" made no more protests. He began to rise to the occasion. He recorded the kicks and cuffs in a diary. The last entry was made when three days from port. He neglected to add "sir" when answering the second mate and was knocked down and given a pair of black eyes. Then as soon as the bark had made fast to a wharf he was kicked ashore and told not to return under penalty of death.

Two hours after the last kick the young man had satisfied the American consul of his identity. A cablegram to Chicago brought him several thousand dollars within the next twenty-four hours. Two days later, when he had properly clothed himself, he brought about another emergency. This time it was for the captain, mates and cook of the bark to rise to it. Warrants were served on the four men — warrants for several things. The bark was overloaded by a foot. Her provisions were totally unfit. She was undermanned, and she carried no medicine chest. Not only the officers, but the owners, were haled into court. There were fines, and certificates were suspended, and as a last satisfaction "Sissy" stood by, with a joyous smile on his face, while his two hired prizefighters caught the two mates at the dock and gave them such a walloping that there are sailors in Bristol who remember it yet. As a local daily put it the next week:

"Hon. Barkendale Flossy, the American millionaire of honorable mention, sailed for home on the Celtic yesterday. The gentleman is slight and effeminate, but, in the language of our American cousins — oh, my!" — M. QUAD.

—The Star and Sentinel, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, January 6, 1909, page 4.

Our Faith in Human Nature

1913

Luke M'Luke Says

From the Cincinnati Enquirer

We hate to lose our faith in human nature, but we have noticed that the man who operates on the theory that all men are suckers usually has lots of change.

It is believed in lots of circles that the party who makes the most noise is the best singer.

What has become of the old-fashioned man who used to drink a big dipper of well water when he got up in the morning and tell you he was full of Adam's ale?

Most girls who paint are better than they are painted, but the world hasn't time to scrape off the enamel and make an investigation.

There isn't much fun in doing as you please unless you have a wife to object.

When temptation is pretty and shapely a man doesn't try very hard to dodge it.

Any man who marries a woman who has been divorced five times ought not to kick about stale beer and warmed-over hash.

The best way to keep friends is not to need them.

And what has become of the old-fashioned man who used safety pins for hose supporters?

Experience is valuable, but it is never worth one-tenth the price we have to pay for it.

A man practices economy by telling his wife how to get along without things she wants.

We all want to be fair. But if you will let us tell our side of the story we are bound to twist it around so it will favor us.

Why is it that mothers will dress up their little girls tastefully and rig out their little boys like trained monkeys?

Every time a pessimist sees a sunny June bride he has visions of a rainy November day in the divorce court.

When a man has been married about 10 years he isn't half as much worried about his socks wrinkling at the ankles as he is about the holes in the toes.

—The Anaconda Standard, Anaconda, Montana, June 20, 1913, page 6.

The Evil Eye

1912

It is probably that the "evil eye," for which many hapless old women were harried to their death on the suspicion of witchcraft in "the good old days," was no more than a common squint, a "cast" in the eye, or "bossing," as it is called in many parts of the country to this day, writes Dr. N. Bishop Harman in the British Journal of Children's Diseases. Not only was the squint though to be of evil significance, but the defect itself was considered to be the work of evil spirits. In "King Lear" we find the following in the scene on the heath at night:

"This is the foul fiend Flibbertigibbet. He begins at curfew and walks till the first cock; he gives the web and the pin, squints the eye and makes the harelip, mildews the white meat and hurts the poor creature of earth."


Knew His Man

George Bubb, better known as Bubb Doddington, one of the wits of the eighteenth century, always dined well and always liked to doze after the repast. Falling asleep one day after dinner with Sir Richard Temple and Lord Cobham, the latter reproached Doddington with his drowsiness. Doddington denied having been asleep and to prove he had not offered to repeat all Lord Cobham had been saying. Cobham challenged him to do so. Doddington repeated a story, and Lord Cobham owned he had been telling it. "Well," said Doddington, "and yet I did not hear a word of it, but I went to sleep because I knew that about this time of the day you would tell that story."

—The Kingston Daily Freeman, Kingston, New York, June 30, 1916, page 5.

Keeping Private Letters Private: Burn Them

1912

Wise Man

Once upon a time a wise man penned a letter full of confidential statements, and at the end he wrote a line, heavily underscored: "Burn this letter." Then, being a wise man, he took his own advice and burned the letter himself.


Gift That Is Divine

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we could cast the gift of a lovely thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels must give — George MacDonald.


Jane Austen Unpopular

It has been pointed out with some surprise that the late W. S. Gilbert had a strong dislike for Jane Austen, but a correspondent of the New York Evening Post reminds us that Mark Twain had a similar antipathy. He said once that "a library that does not contain Jane Austen's works is a good library, even if it hasn't another book in it."


Have Enjoyed Long Life

Living in the Isle of Wight is a family of three brothers and two sisters who are all in receipt of the old age pension, and whose combined ages total 387 years. The veteran of the family is Mrs. Ann Harris of Cowes, aged eighty-four; the "baby" of the family is Mr. Robert Butt of Niton, who has seen only seventy-two summers.

—The Daily Commonwealth, Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, December 17, 1912, page 11.

The Sun and the Father's Will

1905--

Back of the loaf is the snow flour,
Back of the flour, the mill;
And back of the mill is the wheat and the shower,
The sun and the Father's will. -- Anon

--Iowa State Register and Farmer, Des Moines, Iowa, October 13, 1905, page 2.


It is said that a gramaphone of twice the power of those now in use has been invented. This will make the ownership of one an indictable offense. The one owned in our neighborhood now has dried up all the cows and made the hens quit laying.

--Iowa State Register and Farmer, Des Moines, Iowa, October 13, 1905, page 3.


As To Preachers

"Show me ten preachers," said a woman, "who have even a suggestion of sympathy or pathos in their voices, or who read the services with any degree of impressiveness, to say nothing of common intelligence; and I will show you ten churches filled every Sunday to the doors and filled with no ephemeral crowd, but with congregations that are interested and in thorough accord with their respective ministers." Surely she is right. So much or just a bit of intelligence, just one touch of human sympathy.

--Iowa State Register and Farmer, Des Moines, Iowa, October 13, 1905, page 3.


By Bailey of Britt [Britt, Iowa]

We dissected a mosquito at Clear Lake the other night and this is what we found in the crop. One toad, thirteen pinchbugs, forty-eight grasshoppers, a baseball, three old socks, eighty black oak acorns and a rattail file. The darn thing was chasing editors trying to suck enough blood to soften up the sculch so the file could get hold.

--Iowa State Register and Farmer, Des Moines, Iowa, October 13, 1905, page 11.


1908--

Broad Furrows
by Geo. W. Franklin

The only honest quacks in the world are ducks.

Why spend any time worrying about troubles that have not yet come into plain sight?

There is more profit in attending to one's own business than in attending to the business of others.

If you keep a dog, keep a good one and then act humane by providing him a good place to sleep in cold weather.

A little girl said her fat uncle was good natured "because it takes him a long time to get mad clear through." That explains it.

It shortens a man's life to carry burdens not his own. When the alarm clock is set, don't lay awake all night "for fear." Let the clock do that.

Lay out the garden now—in your mind. Get busy when opportunity presents itself and don't let chickens, or "too busy to attend a garden" keep you from having a good one.

Pay as you go, friends; cease speculating and the currency business will adjust itself. Men who buy and sell blue sky will continue to be more or less "up in the air" all the time.

Sam says that judging by the present prices of beef an ox team is worth about twice as much per pound as a modern locomotive, thus making it the most expensive power in modern civilization.

Don't wait too long this time before testing the seed corn. Like the boy promised a thrashing, it is better to "have it done and over with." Give seed corn good winter care, then exercise care in testing and planting.

A friend recently told me that he did not believe in friendship. He said there was no such thing as friendship; that a man's first duty was for himself; that people pretended to be friends but arc not. That certainly is a gloomy way of looking at it. If I did not know plenty of people I could trust I would be a most unhappy creature. Don't look at the world through blue glasses. This world, after all, is just what we make it.

--The Iowa State Register and Farmer, Des Moines, Iowa, January 4, 1908, page 4.

The Best Breed of Chickens

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Both Had Good Points
A southerner asked an old colored man what breed of chickens he considered the best and he replied: "All kinds has merits. De white ones is de easiest to find, but the black ones is the easiest to hide after you gits 'em."
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Basis of Life
Even in the midst of great enterprises domestic affections prove the basis of life, and the most brilliant career has only incomplete and superficial enjoyments if it be a stranger to the happy bonds of family and friendship. - F. P. G. Guizot.
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Value of Waste Paper
It is an interesting fact that waste paper can be so important a commercial factor. In Toronto, Canada, there are 10,000 tons of waste paper collected annually. For these there is received about $100,000. For just the ordinary waste paper the sum of $10 a ton is paid. But for the better grade of waste papers the price has been known to run as high as $40 a ton.
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And Real Dead
Who so neglects learning in his youth loses the past and is dead for the future. -- Euripides.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

Kissing His Sister

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Only Sensible Course
A Chicago man has been arrested for kissing his sister. This ought to convince a good many men that the only sensible course is to kiss some other fellow's sister.
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Such Is Fame
A story is told of the Englishman who was presented to Mrs. Ole Bull and said, "I have heard of your husband's adventures in the 'Far West.'" He was thinking of Sitting Bull.
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The Child and the Telephone
A child should be taught as early as possible to call at least one telephone number, a neighbor, father's place of business, or physician. I taught our little boy, who is just three, to call a neighbor's number, and twice have found it useful, once when taken very ill, and again having burned my arm badly.he was able to call and receive immediate assistance. -- Harper's Bazar.
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Wild Justice
Revenge is a kind of wild justice which the more a man's nature runs to the more ought law to weed it out. -- Bacon.
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There Kinds of Friends
We have three kinds of friends: Those who love us, those who are indifferent to us, and those who hate us. -- Chamfort.
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Prometheus Outdone
Prometheus had just stolen the fire from heaven. "That's nothing; can you light a last match?" we cried. Thus he realized his feat was little.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

Big Money Before Marriage

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His Ruling Passion
The young man waited for the millionaire's reply.
"I don't blame you for wanting to marry my daughter," said the latter. "And now how much do you suppose you and she can worry along on?"
The youth brightened up.
"I--I think," he cheerfully stammered, "that $200,000 well invested, would produce a sufficient income."
The millionaire turned back to his papers.
"Very well," he said, "I will give you $100,000, providing you raise a similar amount."
And the young man went away sorrowing.
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Breaking It Gently
Callahan was stopped on the street by Father Clancy. The good priest's countenance took on a sad expression.
"What's this, I hear, Callahan," asked he, "about your breaking Hogan's head last night? And the two of you friends for years."
Callahan seemed somewhat taken aback. "Sure, I was compelled to do it, your riverance," he explained apologetically, "but out of consideration for that same friendliness I broke it gintly, your riverence." -- Lippincott's.
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The Cache
Knicker - We are told to do our shopping early.
Bocker - I know it; my wife has already concealed a 49-cent tie in the top bureau drawer.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.