Wives Going Through Their Husbands' Pockets and Other Humor

Humor, 1908
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One Woman's Wrongs.
Mrs. Smallpurse (who found only a few dimes in her husband's pockets that morning)—I am just sick of this plodding along year after year. Why don't you do something to make money?
Mr. Smallpurse—I can't make any more than a living at my business, no matter how hard I work.
Mrs. Smallpurse—Then do something else. Invent something. Any American can invent.
Mr. Smallpurse (some months after) —My dear, I've hit it, and I've got a patent. My fortune is made.
Mrs. Smallpurse (delighted)—Isn't that grand! What did you invent?
Mr. Smallpurse—I have invented a barbed-wire safety pocket for husbands. — New York Weekly.

Wiser.
"He's been in Paris for a year, I believe. He must be very wealthy."
"Well, he used to have more money than he knew what to do with."
"You mean he isn't as wealthy as he was?"
"Oh, no; I mean he has been in Paris long enough to acquire more knowledge."

Documentary Evidence.
Her Mother—I should rather you would not go sailing with that young man, Clara; I don't believe he knows a thing about a sailboat.
Clara—Oh, but he does, mamma; he showed me a letter of recommendation from a New York firm he used to work for, and they speak very highly of his salesmanship.—The Circle.

A New Excuse.
"I suppose your husband is proud to contribute his share toward the support of our beautiful library?" "Yes," answered the woman with the slightly acid expression; "only John was none too industrious in the first place and now he's tempted to put in most of his time reading novels and trying to get his money's worth." —Washington Star.

The Telephone Girl's Amendment.
Said the business man with a grouch against the telephone central:
"One day I was calling a number and said, 'Get me on four hundred so and so.' The girl said, 'Fourteen-hundred so-and-so?' So the next time I called the number I thought I'd be forehanded.
"I said, 'Get me fourteen-hundred so-and-so.' And the girl asked, 'One four- oh-oh so-and-so'."

Didn't Need It.
Agent—Here's a book that will be welcome in every family. It contains all the rules of etiquette and directions for avoiding slips in grammar.
Hiram Grasscutt—Don't need nothin' of that kind. Got a daughter hum from boardin' school, a son goin' to high school an' a hired man who's a college feller workin' fer his health. But, by jing, partner, it's a relief to talk once in a while to a common, ordinary person. I don't need the book, but I'm darned glad you called.

It's All Right, Then.
She—You have kissed other girls, haven't you?
He—Yes; but no one that you know. — Harper's Weekly.

Many a man is buried in oblivion long before he is dead.

After calling a prisoner down the judge is apt to send him up.

--The Bayard Advocate, Bayard, Iowa, March 26, 1908.