Scotch Is Greek to Her

1900

An exchange quotes the following conversation between husband and wife. She suddenly addresses him: "What are you reading so absorbingly?"

"It's a new Scotch novel."

"Oh!" cries the wife, with enthusiasm. "I'm so fond of those dear dialect things! Do read me a little!"

"Can you understand it?"

"Can I understand it?" she repeats, loftily. "Well, I should hope anything you are reading need not be Greek to me!"

"No, but it might be Scotch."

"Well, go on, read just where you are."

"'Ye see, Elspie,' said Duncan, doucely, 'I might hae mair the matter wi' me than ye wad be spierin'. Aiblins ma een is a bit dazzlit, an' I'm hearin' the poolses thuddin' in ma ears, an' ma toongue is clavin' when it sud be gaein'; an' div ye no hear the dirlin' o' ma hairt, an' feel the shakin' o' ma hond this day gin I gat a glimpse o' ye, sair hirplin' like an auld mon? Div ye nae guess what's a' the steer, hinney, wi'out me gaein' it mair words?'"

"Stop! Stop! For goodness' sake! What in the world is the creature trying to say?"

-He's making a declaration of love."

"A declaration of love! I thought he was telling a lot of symptoms to his doctor!" — Youth's Companion.