Pats and Slaps

1909

People are sometimes "killed by kindness" — in books.

Charity is a cloak sometimes used to cover an amateur concert.

How did poor Eve manage to get along without complexion lotions?

Some women use a gallon of words to express a teaspoonful of thought.

When it comes to being charitable, most of us have wonderful self-control.

The income tax is popular with the majority because it only hits the minority.

And many a man does his growling at home because he is afraid to growl anywhere else.

Some people would be able to acquire a lot of knowledge if they didn't think they knew it all.

Nothing annoys the average woman more than to have a clerk try to hurry her along when she is shopping.

The dictionary doesn't say anything about the mother of ten children being a heroine, but that's just what she is.

"Old Moneybags is afraid that prince he bought for his daughter is a bogus one."
"Why so?"
"When it came to settling up he asked for the prince's debts, and the fellow told him he hadn't any."

Sapleigh — The doctor says there's something the matter with my head.
Sharp — You surely didn't pay a doctor, to tell you that!

"In places of trust women are said to be more honest than men."
"Why?"
"Oh, they have no women to steal for."

"Man was made to mourn," quoted the moralizer.
"Yes," rejoined the demoralizer, "and woman was made to see that he does it."

Oxpropylendlisoamylamine is the name of a new heart stimulant. The dose is one syllable three times a day after meals.