"Thank You" Is All She Gets

1916

And Just Think, She Found and Restored $2,500 Cash.

NEW YORK. — Joseph Rorner of East Norwalk, Connecticut, recovered $2,500 he left in an elevated train in Brooklyn.

Just as Rorner was reporting his loss to the police a young woman purchased a ticket at the City Hall station of the Third avenue elevated line and pushed a bundle thru the ticket window.

"Here is a bundle which I picked up in a Brooklyn elevated train," she explained.

The package was found to contain a big roll of gold and silver certificates. It was sent to the lost and found department of the Interborough.

The following morning the general storekeeper of the Interborough read of Rorner's loss and wired him to call, which Rorner did at once. After identifying himself he received his bank roll. As he left he said, "I thank you."

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Sept. 16, 1916, p. 5.

Shock of Near Beer Kills Inebriate Dog

1919

Booze-drinking Animal Succumbs After Losing Wet Rations.

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa — "Booze" was a bulldog, owned by Cal Harris of this city. Until July 1, last, his daily fare included a small quantity of beer. He was a visitor at several barrooms during the day, and as he came under the swinging doors during the summer or scratched and whined at the door in winter, the bartenders in the thirst emporiums which he frequented would "draw" a small beer, which would be consumed by their friend. With a wag of his tail as a silent "thank you," Booze would continue on his rounds.

When the saloons of Council Bluffs, Iowa, which was Booze's home, were closed, the owner of this famous canine laid away a supply of beer, but a few weeks ago, following nation-wide prohibition. the supply ran out. Booze was then forced to live on near beer. He could not stand it for many meals and the sudden shock from the sublime to the ridiculous was too much for him. He died a martyr to the cause of beer.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Jan. 3, 1920, p. 11.

Grave Little Questions of Being Happy

1910

By Maude Neal

People try to be happy on the wrong basis. They won't be happy on what they have; they dream of being happy on something that they don't possess or that belongs to somebody else.

You see a girl who is young, pretty and has nice clothes and a moderately pleasing "steady." You ask for the reason of the discontented expression she wears and she tells you that she has not been invited to a certain party or that if she has been her dressmaker has disappointed her.

Another woman who seems profoundly miserable you question thus: "How are the children?" "Oh," she replies, in a discouraged tone, "they are very well but they grow so fast I can't keep any clothes on them."

"And your new servant?" "Oh, she is a jewel, but you can never tell what moment she will pick up and leave."

"Did your new dress turn out all right?" "Yes, but it's so much trouble getting a dress I would almost prefer to do without."

"How is your husband? Did he get back from his trip all right?"

"Oh, yes. I can hardly realize he has been away."

"You seem to be worried. What is the main trouble?"

"Well, I caught cold in some way and I've been suffering with a stiff neck. I think that is one of the worst things a person can have in the way of ailments."

And there you are! A husband's safe return, children abundantly healthy, clothes made by another, a servant and the wherewithal to pay for her, and yet none of these things count for happiness when pitted against the inconvenience of a stiff neck.

If people would only say, "Oh, I am so happy because I have this. I am so thankful that this trouble which came to my neighbor wasn't allotted to me," instead of whining, "Oh, if I only had his luck," or "It is absolutely unheard of and terrible that I should be called upon to endure this," the world would be made up of a wonderfully cheerful population.