A Greater Scoundrel

1895

A famous master of Trinity college, Cambridge, had been a friend in earlier days of one Jemmy Gordon, a solicitor. But Jemmy went to the bad, was struck off the rolls and lived from what he could get from old acquaintances. One day he met the master and asked for a shilling. "Gordon," thundered the master, "If you could show me a greater scoundrel than yourself, I would give you half a crown," and he stalked stiffly away to his rooms. In half an hour's time the butler announced that Mr. Pompous, the esquire beadle, wished to see the master. Now, the master had a special detestation of the beadle, who, when admitted and curtly asked what he wanted, replied:

"Mr. Gordon informed me that you desired to see me."

Said the master, "Gordon has made an ass of you!"

In ten minutes more the butler came again, grinning, and said:

"Mr. Jemmy Gordon has called and says you owe him half a crown, sir." — Newcastle Chronicle.

Comment: I like that, the guy's actual name is Mr. Pompous, or maybe not, maybe just a shorthand way of characterizing a person who should not be named. And what a great line from the master, "Gordon has made an ass of you!" Exclamation point, end of story, pay me my half crown!

Boys "Catch" Peck of Gold

1920

Two Young Fishermen Bring Up Hidden Treasure From River.

PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island. — The Pawcatuck River gave up one peck of gold to Claude and Clinton Azarmarskie while fishing in the rear of the home of Tristram D. Babcock at Avondale.

The catch, made in a grain bag, consisted of watch chains and ornaments of 14-karat gold. The boys took bag and contents to their home and Patrolman Curtin was notified.

The police believe the chains and lavalieres were stolen and that the thief, fearing detection, threw the bag into the river. The boys are hoping for a reward, and if the owner of the valuables is not found they will ask that the bag of gold be returned to them.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Aug. 7, 1920, p. 5.

Why Roy Was Chosen

1916

By E. L. Andrews.

"I'm going to hire an office boy," said Mr. Russell to his wife, as they sat at the supper table.

"How would one of the Wade boys do?" suggested Mrs. Russell. "They are such manly, businesslike boys."

"I was considering them," replied Mr. Russell. "I think I shall hire one of them, but I don't know which to choose. I want a boy who will stick to a task until it is finished. I pay my boys well, and I expect their best." As he spoke Mr. Russell arose from his chair. "I think I'll go over and talk to the Wade boys," he said. "Perhaps I can decide then which one of them to hire."

A few moments later, Mr. Russell opened the front gate of the Wade home. The two boys, Jim and Roy, sat on the lawn with the hammer, nails and boxes before them.

"Hello," called Mr. Russell, "what are you making?"

"Hello," answered both the boys, and then Jim, who was a year older than Roy, added, "We are building a tool box to put in the barn."

"And I have pounded my thumb three times," volunteered Roy, holding up that bruised member.

"You'd better tie it up," counseled Mr. Russell, examining the thumb.

"Oh, it will soon be all right," returned Roy, with a shake of the head; "it doesn't hurt a bit."

While Roy spoke, Jim was quietly gathering boards and nails into the box. "Let's quit for tonight, Roy," he said in a whining tone. "We can finish this tomorrow."

But Roy continued to pound nails. "I'm going to finish this tool box tonight," he said quietly.

As Jim disappeared around the corner of the house, Mr. Russell's face glowed with excitement. "Roy," he said, "I'd like you to be my office boy this summer. Would you like the work?"

"Like it!" echoed Roy. "Oh, Mr. Russell, I'd be so glad to have the job!"

So the bargain was sealed. As Mr. Russell walked home through the dusk, he said to himself, "I've found the very boy I'm looking for." And Roy, finishing the tool box on the lawn, paused in his work thoughtfully, "I wonder how he came to choose me, when Jim could have done his work just as well as I can do it." — King's Treasuries.

Note: That's a nasty story, as there's no reason why it'd be wrong to finish the project tomorrow. But it obviously hinges on Jim's "whining tone," and Roy's diligent persistence as to why Mr. Russell chooses Roy.

Lost Four Days in Woods.

1916

Dixville Notch, N. H., Sept. 24. — Lost for nearly four days in the wilderness of the northern foothills of the White mountains, Joseph A. Dennison, former assistant district attorney of Suffolk county, Mass., and his wife, were found early today. They had suffered greatly from lack of food and sleep, but it was not thought their hardships would cause permanent injury to their health.

The Dennisons were found in an abandoned logging camp on the shores of Dead Diamond stream in the Dartmouth college grant, a wild section of country near the hotel from which they had set out Wednesday afternoon on a walk which they expected to finish before dinner.

In seeking to return they had lost their bearings in the almost trackless woods, and for two days had wandered in quest of a habitation. Not until Friday did they find shelter in an old lumber shack, where they remained, too tired to go further, and not knowing which way to turn. The discovery was made by Earl Gould and Scott Copp, employes of the hotel, who will divide a reward of $1500, of which $1000 was offered by Daniel H. Coakley of Boston, brother of Mrs. Dennison, and $500 by Thomas G. Washburn of that city, a close friend of the former district attorney.

It was early this morning that the young men, who had been tramping the vicinity of Dead Diamond stream through the night in a heavy rain, came on the abandoned logging camp in which the Dennisons had taken refuge. After giving such help as was possible under the circumstances, one of the young men went to a farm at Wentworth's Location, several miles away, and from there telephoned.

Although it was 10 miles from Dixville Notch to the shack where the Dennisons were found, it was necessary to send a team 25 miles over back country roads to bring them back.

Both the attorney and his wife were so overcome at the sight of their rescuers that they broke down and cried.

That the Dennisons were not found sooner was due to a series of coincidences. During their stay at the hotel they had occasionally gone away on trips that took one or two days, and their absence Wednesday night aroused no comment.

—The Fryeburg Post, Fryeburg, Maine, Sept. 26, 1916, p. 2.

"Thank You" Is All She Gets

1916

And Just Think, She Found and Restored $2,500 Cash.

NEW YORK. — Joseph Rorner of East Norwalk, Connecticut, recovered $2,500 he left in an elevated train in Brooklyn.

Just as Rorner was reporting his loss to the police a young woman purchased a ticket at the City Hall station of the Third avenue elevated line and pushed a bundle thru the ticket window.

"Here is a bundle which I picked up in a Brooklyn elevated train," she explained.

The package was found to contain a big roll of gold and silver certificates. It was sent to the lost and found department of the Interborough.

The following morning the general storekeeper of the Interborough read of Rorner's loss and wired him to call, which Rorner did at once. After identifying himself he received his bank roll. As he left he said, "I thank you."

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Sept. 16, 1916, p. 5.

Gets $500 for Finding Gems

1916

Woman Rewards Hotel Maid Who Returns Jewels.

PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania — The recovery of $50,000 worth of gems lost by Mrs. Lee Meriwether of St. Louis in the William Penn Hotel in this city increased the bank account of Miss Margaret Casey of Bloomfield by $500.

The girl, employed as a maid in the hotel, found the jewels in the bed occupied by Mrs. Meriwether. On turning them over to their owner she received the $500 as a reward for her honesty.

Mrs. Meriwether was speeding toward Cleveland when she discovered her jewels were missing. The train was stopped and she disembarked, hired an automobile and hurried back to the hotel. Much to her astonishment and relief, she found the jewels awaiting her in the hotel office.

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Sept. 16, 1916, p. 5.

$25 Reward for Missing Wife

1911

Editorial Quips

An Illinois husband has offered a reward of $25 for the return of his missing wife. "That's all she is worth," she says. That is love.

The Marquis of Landsdowne's Rembrandt, valued at $500,000, may go into the National gallery and then again it may be brought to America.

A Chicago professor says that lack of money is the bane of wedlock. In the matter of feeling this lack as a bane, wedlock has plenty of company.

Nearly 2,000,000 brook trout fry are ready for planting in Wisconsin's streams. They will probably develop into 2,000,000 fish stories later in the year.

Australians have perfected the milking machine so that it milks a hundred cows in two hours. But the milkmaid will continue to live in poetry.

Flat-wheeled trolley cars and all auto horns are to be regulated in New York.

The center of population, unlike most of the sons of Indiana, remains in that state.

Real Gratitude — Guilty Man Happy With Not-Guilty Verdict

1914

When Blaine was a young lawyer and cases were few, he was asked to defend a poverty-stricken tramp accused of stealing a watch. He pleaded with all the ardor at his command, drawing so pathetic a picture with such convincing energy that at the close of his argument the court was in tears and even the tramp wept. The jury deliberated a few minutes and returned the verdict "not guilty." Then the tramp drew himself up, tears streaming down his face as he looked at the future "plumed knight" and said: "Sir, I have never heard so grand a plea. I have not cried before since I was a child. I have no money with which to reward you, but (drawing a package from the depths of his ragged clothes), here's the watch; take it and welcome." — Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.


New Idea for Belting

Those who buy belting for machinery will not have to worry about the price of leather in the years to come if a certain sort of belting which is being manufactured by a firm in Connecticut proves to be a success. The new product is called flexible steel belting and is really a step further than the chain and sprocket idea. The belting is made in a complicated series of links and can be used on all pulleys of from two inches in diameter to the largest size. It has been designed especially for service where atmospheric conditions are bad for leather and rubber belts.