Her Watch

1895

The Scornful Jeweler Expressed Surprise That It Had Stopped.

A young girl took her watch into the jeweler's recently and explained that something was the matter with it. While the watchmaker examined it the owner of the fractious watch remarked that she did not see what made it act so.

"It is always stopping or having something happen to it," she said.

"Possibly you do not take good care of it," ventured the jeweler, closely regarding the interior of the watch.

"Oh, yes, I do. I wind it nearly every night, and I nearly always remember to take it out of my pocket when I take off my dress. The pocket in my gray dress is too large, though, and sometimes it falls into the bowl when I am washing."

"Water would ruin it if it got inside," remarked the jeweler.

"That little bit wouldn't," said the girl, with a very wise shake of the head. "It's only falls that hurt them. Once it fell out of the up stairs window, but it landed in the rosebush, and it wasn't hurt much. The time Johnny squeezed it by shutting the bureau drawer on it the crystal was broken, though."

By that time the jeweler had discovered that the balance wheel was out of place and two cogs broken.

"I don't see how it happened," said the girl in surprise. "It flew out of my blouse pocket yesterday when I was swinging dumbbells, but I did not suppose that was what hurt it."

"Those things seldom do," said the man, with a touch of scorn. — Philadelphia Press.

Bagpipe Music Kills a Horse

1896

The important question of whether or not the bagpipes are musical instruments has been settled in the negative by a Milwaukee jury.

William Mattham brought suit against the Wisconsin Theatre Company for damages sustained by his horse taking fright at a procession headed by a Scottish piper in full Highland costume, who was waking the echoes with "The Campbells Are Coming." The sight caused the horse to rear and plunge and finally drop dead.

The foreman of the jury happened to be a German with decided opinions on the question of music. The prosecution sought to show that the bagpipe was not a musical instrument. In this the foreman agreed. He held that it had no place in a Wagnerian symphony, and was nothing but a "doodle-sack." In consequence of these views the jury returned the following unique verdict:

"State of Wisconsin, Milwaukee County. William Mattham vs. Wisconsin Theatre Company, ss. — We, the jury in the above entitled action, find:

"1. That the doodle-sack is not a musical instrument.

"2. That the said horse, being of a nervous temperament, was scared to death by an unearthly noise made by a friend with the aforesaid doodle-sack.

"3. That the plaintiff shall recover from the defendants for said horse the sum of $125." — Chicago Times-Herald.


Wouldn't Wind His Clock

A jeweler of Tuscola, Michigan, says that during the past year one clock has been brought to him seven times for repairs, and each time all that was wrong with it was that it needed winding. Each time he explained the cause to the owner, but after a few weeks, or sometimes months, the clock, being neglected, would stop, the owner would shake it, blow in it, and then take it to the jeweler, who would astonish him by winding it and handing it back. — New York Sun.

Man's Loud Snoring in Court Lands Him in Jail for Contempt

Phoenix, 1894

A RIOTOUS SLUMBER.

Victor Joyeau Snored Himself Into Contempt.

Rochefort, the Mercurial and Murderous Frenchman Held to the Grand Jury for $300.

Victor Joyeau, the Monroe street jeweler, yesterday treated Justice Kincaid's court with a contempt which might have been described as silent but for his unearthly snoring, which disturbed the proceedings as much as a riot would have done. Victor came to court under the impression that it was a lodging house and went to sleep. An officer remonstrated with him and pointed out to him the impossibility of transacting business while he slept. The reverberation of his snores destroyed the equal poise of the scales of justice into which the court was getting ready to throw the case of Eli Rochefort, charged with two varieties of deadly assault.

Victor promised to abate the disturbance and did so for two minutes when he relapsed into somnolence of an aggravated type. This time he was awakened somewhat roughly. The officer spoke bitterly to Monsieur Joyeau of his breach of faith and tired him out of the court room. Victor walked to the end of Wall street and thinking that he had thrown off the shackles of the tyrant Morpheus walked back and resumed his seat nap and uproar. This time be was roused by a cyclonic movement by the officer who conducted him before the court. A $5 fine was administered and Victor was taken to jail wide awake and profane. After his departure and as soon as the atmospheric waves set in motion by Monsieur Joyeau's snores had ceased their action against the window panes and other loose and rattling objects, the Rochefort case proceeded and attention which had been diverted from it by Joyeau's racket was riveted upon it. The evidence in the cases had fortunately all been submitted the day before so that the whole of yesterday could be taken up in the arguments.

The result was technically an even break for Rochefort, that is one charge assault with attempt to commit murder was dismissed and the other, assault with a deadly weapon was sustained. Rochefort was held to the grand jury in the sum of $300. The saintly Paul Laloo as the friend of Rochefort incidentally came in for an artistic skinning.

—The Arizona Republican, Phoenix, April 12, 1894, p. 3.

Man's Head For Sale, Twice Normal Size

1903

Personal and Otherwise

Arthur Jennings, aged 27, a resident of Florence, 0., has negotiated with an Eastern medical institute for the purchase of his head. Jenning's head is almost twice the normal size. According to the informant the price is $1,000 down and an additional $1,000 to be paid to his relatives at the time of his death. His head measures 36 inches in circumference.

After having been lost 33 years, Dr. J. H. Lenow, of Little Rock, is on the eve of recovering a medal which he won in his boyhood at the Kentucky Military institute. The doctor has received a letter from a jeweler in Brownsville, Tenn., Dr. Lenow's former home, saying that the medal had been brought to him by a negro who had plowed it up in a field near town.

—Davenport Daily Republican, Davenport, Iowa, March 4, 1903, page 4.