The Husband of One Wife

He Quoted St. Paul

A Bishop's Blunder and the Clever Way It Was Corrected

A certain bishop of one of the middle states is described as a man who possessed great learning, but had not the saving sense of humor. In "Reminiscences of Bishops and Archbishops" Bishop Potter gives an instance of the absence of this quality.

It happened on one occasion that an episcopal election had come up for review in the house of bishops, and questions as to the bishop elect were being asked and answered with considerable freedom. A bishop who knew the bishop elect in a very intimate way was on his feet and was being catechised, when a bishop called out, "What kind of wife has our brother elect?"

"His present wife"— began the bishop thus challenged, when the middle state delegate sprang to his feet.

"One moment!" he cried. "Do I understand my brother aright? Did he say 'his present wife,' and am I to understand that by that phrase he means to imply that the brother elect has had a previous wife? Because, if so, I cannot vote for his confirmation. St. Paul says, 'A bishop must be the husband of one wife.'"

For a moment the house in which were a number of bishops who, having been bereaved of their earthly partners, had supplied their places, sat still in stunned silence, until a prelate, whose sense of humor was as keen as the last speaker's was feeble, rose in his place and said, "Do I understand that the bishop regards the language of the apostle which he has just quoted as mandatory?"

"Certainly!" exclaimed the man who had objected.

"Very well, then, Mr. Chairman," said the interrogating bishop blandly, "if the bishop regards the language of St. Paul, when be says that a bishop must be the husband of one wife, as mandatory, I should like to ask him what he proposes to do with the bishop of" — naming a bachelor bishop — "who hasn't any?"

There was a shout of laughter, amid which the bishop who had objected took his seat, hushed and angry. The humor of his blunder was wholly unperceived by him.

--The Indiana Weekly Messenger, Indiana, Pennsylvania, September 18, 1907, page 3.

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Pointed Paragraphs

Every good farmer has three or four jobs laid up for a rainy day.

The man who is old enough to know better is usually old enough to die.

People talk about "different temperaments," when they really mean different tempers.

Some men are so mean they like to take their wives' advice so they can tell them later how worthless it was.

There is this important difference between a friend and kin: Every time you see the friend you don't have to explain something.

How "set" old people are in their ways! If an elderly person should be asked to change his seat at the table, how it would rattle him!

People are not devoted to your interests. You must have noticed it. Therefore you should give your interests a lot of intelligent attention. For if you don't do it no one will. -- Atchison Globe.

The Indiana Weekly Messenger, Indiana, Pennsylvania, September 18, 1907, page 3.

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"Please" To Be Omitted

Hereafter the 450 girl operators of the Keystone Telephone company of Philadelphia will not say "please" to the subscriber and the subscribers have been requested not to say "please" to the operator. A. J. Ulrich, traffic manager of the company, has issued the order and both the girls and the subscribers are happy with the new arrangement. According to Mr. Ulrich the girls, in answering calls and the patrons in making them, use the word "please" 900,000 times every 24 hours. Estimating that it requires half a second to say the word 7,500 minutes are consumed every 24 hours, which is equal to 125 hours that are lost every day by the use of the word.

The above would be a good ruling in any telephone company. It would save nerve exhaustion and telephone girls would not break down so soon in their onerous duties.

--The Indiana Weekly Messenger, Indiana, Pennsylvania, September 18, 1907, page 5.