Turn Your Attention to Bacon

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An eastern man says he will soon put lobsters on the market at three cents each. If he'd only turn his attention to bacon what a gay world this would become.
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Now we understand why certain things are as they are. During the present year the people of New York have eaten three million pounds of bad eggs in their pastry.
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Philadelphia society women protest against posing in bare feet on the plea that their underpinning is too unsightly to be exposed, unadorned, to the vulgar gaze. Thus are the women of Chicago deprived of their birthright.
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A man in New Jersey wrote a rebuke to the kaiser for riding a horse with a docked tail. It is not feared that international complications will result, or that a German phantom fleet will bombard our defenseless seacoast ports.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.