No Kissing, Please

A woman in Pennsylvania buried the wrong man in mistake for her husband, but, when the latter turned up alive and well, stuck to the dead man. She wisely declined to have a live issue made of her mistake.
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A New Jersey magistrate has a rabbit's foot on whose powers he sets great store. To be consistent, he ought to hold his court at midnight in a graveyard and so have all the proper influences in the caste at work.
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A Harvard professor tells us that we can live on ten cents' worth of food a day, but it is evident that he has overlooked the fact that lobster costs 80 cents a pound. Possibly he expects us to take a look at the outside of a lobster can for dessert.
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A man in St. Louis signed a contract with his wife by which he agreed not to kiss or annoy her in any other way. He must have been an excessively agreeable sort of a husband if it was necessary to exact this contract. Evidently, this particular wife did not agree with Shakespeare that kisses are women's wages. Perhaps, though, she disliked them because she got no other.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.