Husbands Thrive on Spanking (Some Wives, Too)

1916, Click graphic for bigger version
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HUSBANDS THRIVE ON SPANKING

According to Recent Testimony of Their Wives

AND HABIT PROMISES TO SPREAD

Lemon Squeezers and Bread Boards Favorite Substitutes for Birch of Boyhood – Policeman Fears Wife May Attack Him on His Beat – Piano Tuner Finds It Hard to Keep Ear for Harmony.

Victims Hold Various Views as to Efficacy of Household Treatment, but May Unite in Alumni Club. Weaker Vessel Also Tanned and Cheerfully Admits She Likes It.

BY NIXOLA GREELY-SMITH.

Herewith the silly season is formally declared open. From this day on till the hot weather is over wise New Yorkers will not burden their sizzling brains with the Mexican problem, the presidential election or the success of the new offensive of the Allies. To spank or not to spank is the question of the hour. It's much too warm to think. If you don t believe it, read the letters which have been written in the last few days by husbands and wives who favor or oppose spanking as a first aid to conjugal concord.

Grown-Ups Need Birch.

The controversy was started by an innocent little document from a wife, who declared frankly that grown persons as well as children are the better for an occasional whipping, adding that her own husband had been changed from a drinker and smoker into a model man, with a good job, money saved and a fine home by the judicious application of these wifely principles.

Spare the rod and spoil the husband was this matron's recipe for domestic happiness. Many husbands, doubtless, would rather be spanked than nagged. Spanking, like war is only one form of the force argument, in many cases not so objectionable and not nearly so efficacious as hysterics or tears. The pacifists of the home, like those of the larger world, don't seem to realize that to put an end to physical warfare won't put an end to war.

Money as Weapon.

War can be and is made with money all the time, though every sword is sheathed and every bayonet sleeps in its scabbard. And war is made, pressure amounting to tyranny is exerted in many homes wherein the word spank is so discredited that it would not be let in the back door. Persons who decry the rod and the slipper as corrective agents may use meaner weapons. It has been proved that small boys when given a choice between a licking and a milder but longer and more boresome penance elect always to take the licking.

Boys Prefer Licking.

After all when you're licked for going fishing you can take the licking and go fishing again. So husbands given their choice between being lectured or spanked for staying out late at the club might choose the shorter and more merciful punishment.

Still, the husbands who have written their views do not seem to be as philosophical about their spankings as they should be. They do not take the broad, impersonal view of the wife, for instance, who writes that her husband has spanked her frequently and that she feels that her home is happier and she herself a better woman for the spankings.

The letter which started the spanking controversy and those written in answer to it are printed below.

Origin of Controversy.

"On the needs of spanking which were discussed in the world. I would say that grown people should be spanked, as well as children. Whipping has reformed my husband from a drinker and smoker into a model man.

"After a few months of misery I decided to take matters in my own way. So one night when he was half drunk and his pay half gone I lost my temper, took him over my knee and gave him a sound thrashing. I have spanked him often since when I took notion. Now he has a good position, money saved and a fine home. MRS. N. McC."

Likes Being Tanned.

"I would say that while I have never had occasion to even think of punishing my husband, he has frequently spanked me, and I freely admit the result has made our home life happier. I had been careless in many things and caused my husband much worry until he took the advice of my mother and soundly spanked me. Since then I have realized that there are many things I should not do and I refrain from doing them, knowing that if I am caught doing them my husband will not hesitate to place me over his lap and spank me. While he is never brutal in punishing me, he has tanned me many times, and I feel I am the better for it.

"I think there would be more happy couples if more husbands would do the same thing. I freely admit that my life has been made happier since I have been called to an accounting for my misdoings. MRS. A."

Spanked Twice Daily.

"Those very energetic wives who spank their husbands should keep that fact to themselves. My wife read their letters and was very much interested -- too much so for me. Last night I stayed out rather late at my club, and when I returned home received the surprise of my married life when my wife handed me the first spanking I received since my boyhood days.

"This morning at breakfast I remonstrated with her and attempted to stick up for my rights, whereupon I was taken from my meal and given another introduction to my wife's riding crop. A spanking at night is bad enough, but to start the day with one is simply indescribable. Aside from the humiliating fact of a man's discussing war at his club and then going home to be spanked by his wife, it will make husbands invent lies to tell their wives rather than take the spanking. My wife will in future get more fibs from me than truths. INDIGNANT HUSBAND."

Sees Trouble Ahead.

"Honest and truly I hate to write this letter, but the letters you've been printing about wives spanking their husbands makes me want to write this, because I'm always getting spanked by my wife. Honest, Mr. Editor, you don't know how ashamed I feel to tell this to the public but I'm just so full of it I can't help it.

"None of our relatives or friends dreams of the way she works off her tantrums on me. And the funny part of it is I'm a good husband. Well, you can see for yourself -- I don't gamble, drink or chew or smoke (save once in a while I smoke a cornsilk cigarette for fun, but as corn ain't ripe now I haven't smoked any this season.) Don't that sound like I am a good husband?

"I'm a piano tuner and work steady and give her my envelope every week, but a man ain't in much humor to tune pianos when his wife's spanking him all the time, is he? Outside of that one fault, though, she's a fine wife. Sometimes I think she's crazy on the subject because right in the middle of a quiet talk she'll grab me and lay me across her knee and let me have it. One thing about her she don't use no board or nothing, but gee, how she can hit! She's almost twice as big as I am. It's all right to say I made a mistake in marrying a big woman, but I thought the world of her. I do yet, and that fact makes me sore at her treatment. I stole down to the Polo grounds Fourth morning to see the Giants and Brooklyn play, telling her I had to work. I came home with a score card in my pocket and she choked the truth out of me. Then she took me on her knee upside down, Glorious Fourth for me! I don't think, I know I'll be sorry. I wrote this because she'll see it and when she does -- me for the arnica. The only hope I see is that she's getting rhoomatism. BELOW THE BELT."

Victims May Unite.

"And me grieving all these years in the belief that I was the only boob husband who was getting spanked! From the letters you've been getting I'm sure there are enough of us to organize an alumni. What a chance to swap experiences and exchange alleviation ideas! You can see from the letter I write I'm not a mushhead. Furthermore, I'm that much bigger than my wife that it might be fatal if I ever sought to retaliate. That and the fear of our domestic battles becoming public is what makes me put up with it. Then there is a financial reason.

"First along in our married life of nine years, when I tried to curb her furious attacks she used to smash the household articles. I found it was cheaper to let her strike me. I got to bending over and covering my head to save my face, and her spanking developed as a matter of course. While I'm at it I might as well tell the whole humiliating truth. She uses a wooden lemon squeezer. I'm a railroad clerk. We have two children and a Ford, but she never lays a hand on the youngsters. Anyhow, I feel better now to think I'm not the only husband who's getting walloped. OUCH."

Policeman Henpecked.

"Think of a policeman who permits his wife to spank him. Yes, I'm the policeman, I'm sorry to say, and I'm a member of a West Side precinct. Not only that, but I've got a medal for bravery. That's a laugh, ain't it. Those spanking letters you've been running hit me in the same place as they hit the other fellows.

"Here's my case: I've got only a few years to go to get on the pension list, and as I've got a good rep with the members of the force I don't like to spoil everything by dragging my family troubles into print. My wife knows she has me in a hole and that I dare not squeal. She even dares me to arrest her. Ain't that a fine fix? I'm sure some of the neighbors know she spanks me, although I try to stall by laughing out loud when she spanks me. It's hard to laugh, though, when you're getting soaked with a bread board. I got a terrible spanking the night of the last police parade because I didn't wave my hand at her when the parade was passing the library. Several times she's come to my post and threatened to attack me. Some night I'm afraid she will. I wonder how many policemen are getting spanked. PATIENT COP."

--The Washington Post, Sunday, August 20, 1916, Magazine Section, page 1. [Page 37 in microfilm archive.]