Saved by a Cat

1900

Sir Edward Osborne, Lord Mayor of London in his time, bought an ancient house in Yorkshire, and sent his wife and children thither. There were two boys among them. The Pall Mall Gazette tells of a tragedy which occurred at the house soon after.

One of the boys, the elder, dutifully obeyed when summoned to his lessons one morning in a turret, but the younger, loitering, "happened to light upon a cat which he delighted to play with, and crept after her to catch her under a table in the room which was covered over with a carpet hanging down to the floor."

Thus he disappeared, and the next instant a terrible rush of wind overthrew the turret, in which his brother and the tutor sat at work, crushing them to death.

Supposing that both her sons were there, the mother fell into convulsions. One of the maids, running in a distracted manner from room to room, caught sight of the small boy peeping from under the table, with the cat in his arms, snatched him up and bore him in ecstasy to his mother, he only crying:

"I pray thee, I pray thee, do not whip me!" — Youth's Companion.

Taught Daughters To Rob, Is Charge

1920

Mother of Girls, 8 and 10, Is Alleged "Fagin"

Children Arrested for Shoplifting

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana — Indianapolis' most unusual shoplifting case came to light with the arrest of Mrs. Bella Goldfarb, 38, and the detention of her two oldest children, Minnie, 10, and Lillie, 8.

Mrs. Goldfarb is charged with child neglect, while the two little girls are confined in the juvenile home.

The woman was taken into custody after Minnie and Lillie were arrested in Pettis Dry Goods store. When questioned by woman Police Sergeant Clara Burnside and operatives of the Quigley-Hyland detective bureau, it is claimed they said their mother whipped them if they failed to bring home loot after a visit to the stores.

Police Find Stolen Goods

Investigation of the Goldfarb home, the detectives and Sergeant Burnside claim, reveals many articles supposed to have been taken from downtown stores.

Operatives of the Quigley-Hyland bureau picked up the two little girls in the Pettis store. After questioning, their case proved so interesting that Detective Martin Hyland visited the Goldfarb home with his operatives. The children then denied that their mother whipped them when they failed to bring home articles.

When they were found each child carried a bag. The children were taken in charge when Minnie, it is alleged, placed in her bag a piece of ribbon she had taken from a counter. In the bag were other articles. Lillie's bag contained a cap valued at $4,75 which, it is charged, was taken from the Pettis store, and a number of small dresses said to have come from another store.

At the home it is claimed there were many articles said to have been taken from different establishments. A number of pieces of silverware and boudoir caps were among these articles.

Mother Made Girls Thieves

Mrs. Goldfarb was not arrested at that time because she has three other small children. She was ordered to appear at police headquarters. When Sergeant Burnside brought the two children before her they again admitted that they were instructed to steal.

"Mamma whips us if we don't bring home something," one of them is alleged to have said.

Mrs. Goldfarb will appear in juvenile court soon. No charges have been preferred against the children, Sergeant Burnside being loath to arrest them because of their tender years.

Mrs. Goldfarb said her husband works as a shoemaker in Dayton, Ohio. She said he sent her from $20 to $30 weekly.

Advantages of the Spanking Machine

1905

"I see," said the mother of five, "that out in Peoria, Ill., they've invented a machine for spanking children. She cast a meaning glance at her son Willie, who shifted uneasily in his chair, but said nothing.

"I was thinking," she went on, speaking to no one in particular, "that I would send on to the inventor and get one of the machines. It would come in handy for me, and I could rent it out among some neighbors I know and make money on it. That is, of course, if I didn't use it all the time, which I might." Willie squirmed again, and thanked his stars the machine wasn't there yet. His mother went on.

"I s'pose they have various sized hands for the machine, to be used in accordance with the gravity of the spankee's offense and the spanking area presented to the spanker. For instance, for such offenses as hanging to the tall end of ice carts, about a No. 2 hand, with spikes in it would do. For riding up in the dumbwaiter and scaring the life out of the cook so that she gives notice, a No. 9 hand, with explosive torpedoes in the palm, wouldn't be any too big or heavy. If the machine works with a crank, as I imagine it does, the rapidity of the stroke could be regulated, too, and the severity of the punishment thus graded according to what the young man ought to have coming to him. "Of course, I'm merely talking from hearsay, now, but I think one of those machines on every street corner would be a good thing. They could build a little booth around it and charge admission. Then when a small boy, out with his mother, insisted on running across a crowded street ahead of her, and giving her heart disease by nearly getting run over by cars and automobiles, she could just lead him into the corner spankorium and attend to him good and plentiful. I think the city ought to know about this and provide such places.

"It would be a great machine to act as a deterrent. If a boy was bad you could say to him: 'Be good, now, or I will put papa's hand with the cast-iron fingers on it into the spanker and turn it loose on you.' That would do some good, and I don't think the small boy would think it a bluff either."

—Oakland Tribune, Oakland, CA, Dec. 2, 1905, p. 7.

Bridegroom of 13 Spanked by Dad

March 1914

KINGSTON, Ontario. — "Well, father, permit me to introduce my bride," said Eugene Lovelace, a romantic youth of thirteen, as he presented a blushing eighteen-year-old girl, who was Miss Laura Richardson.

"Your what?" gasped the astonished parent, as he looked from one to the other.

"My bride, pop. We've come for the paternal blessing."

The bridegroom has a hazy recollection of what followed. He has a distinct remembrance of father's No. 9 shoe, still containing father's foot connecting with remarkable force somewhere amidships. He remembers getting a fleeting glimpse of a big flat hand coming in his general direction. He is in too much pain to try to recollect other incidents.

The bridegroom does not look any older than his age, and at the time of his decision to embark upon the gale-swept seas of matrimony he purchased with the bulk of his available funds the first pair of long trousers he had ever worn.

Mrs. Lovelace looks and acts much younger than most young women of eighteen do, and was won quickly by the romantic Eugene when he decided to settle down in a home of his own.

First Money Mark Twain Earned

1906

Marshall P. Wilder, in his book entitled The Sunny Side of the Street, says that he once asked Mark Twain if he could remember the first money he had ever earned.

"Yes," replied the famous humorist, "it was at school. There was a rule in our school that any boy marring his desk either with pencil or knife, would he chastised publicly before the whole school or pay a fine of $5.

"One day I had to tell my father that I had broken the rule, and had to pay a fine or take a public whipping, and he said:

" 'Sam, it would be too bad to have the name of Clemens disgraced before the whole school, so I'll pay the fine. But I don't want you to lose anything, so come upstairs.'

"I went upstairs with father and came down again feeling a tender spot with one hand and $5 in the other, and decided that as I had been punished once and got used to it, I wouldn't mind taking the other licking at school. So I did, and I kept the $5."

Dingbats — Where Did This Word Come From?

1895

The Boston Journal gives various theories as to the meaning of the word "dingbats."

One writer who spent his boyhood in Maine thinks it means to spank, because his mother when getting ready to use the slipper threatened to put the "dingbats" on him. From Wilbarham academy comes the explanation that it means the breakfast biscuit, which the students dispose of by sticking it to the under side of the table, throwing it at the heads of other students or eating it.

A Connecticut pupil states that to receive punishment at the hands of the teacher is known as "getting the dingbats." Two Philadelphians agreed that it means money, as in the sentence, "I've got the dingbats for it." But New Hampshire agrees with Maine that it means spanking, and so the majority appears to side with the maternal slipper.

It is from such "little acorns" that the tall tree of our almost cosmopolitan language has grown. We got "blizzard" from the west, "kuklux" from the south, "boom" from the ambitious cities, "crank" from the eccentric minds in every port of the country, "pantata" from Italy, "chalitza" from Russia. Dingbats is going to be a great convenience.

Walter, Aged Seven, Downs Hun Aeroplane

Indiana, 1918

If Papa Would Only Let Him Keep Up the Work, He'd Soon Be An Ace

"There's a German aeroplane!"

Little Walter St. John, seven-year-old son of Mr. and Mrs. George St. John of Indiana avenue, aimed his father's rifle at one of the border designs on the wallpaper in his bedroom.

Bang! The bullet pierced the imaginary aeroplane and left a hole in the wall.

Walter was sprawled out on the door, where the "kick" of the gun had sent him. John Lichtley, his little cousin, ran to him crying, "Walter, are you dying?"

"Naw," said Walter, "I just shot down a German aeroplane. Ain't you got no 'magination?"

It all happened while Mrs. St. John was working in her precinct as a Liberty loan solicitor and the father was at his work.

Of course, they couldn't spank Walter for being so patriotic, although the gun has been placed out of his reach.

--The Lake County Times, Hammond, Indiana, September 30, 1918, page 7.

'Spanking Machine' Reforms a Village

1920

Both Adults and Youngsters "Undergo Treatment" -- and They Don't Come Back!

BRIDGETON, N. J. -- "Schoolboys here don't know that the 'spanking machine' in the back room of the city hall is a barrel stave with a handle carved on it," says Mayor Arthur C. Whitaker.

"It has been very successful since I established it about six years ago. I should say that between fifty and eighty boys and several adults have successfully undergone treatment. And I have never noticed anybody who has tried it once hurrying back for more."

He explained that he had laid in the staves with the idea that many boys might be propelled by them along the path of rectitude who might otherwise go to the State reformatory and from there to a life of crime.

Is Satisfied With Results

"I am entirely satisfied with the results," he said recently. "I personally know of several boys who have been started on the road to useful careers largely through its use. As a preventive of truancy, petty stealing -- that might lead to more serious offenses -- I can recommend it highly.

"Teachers in school obtain order immediately when they ask bad boys if they want to go over to the back room of the city hall and meet the 'spanking machine.' Parents have come to us and asked us to use it on their children."

The mayor said he never worked the "machine" himself, but that either Romaine Kincaid, truant officer, or one of the "husky" policemen did it.

First "Spanker" Proud of Job

"Our first 'spanker' was old Captain Woodruff," the mayor said. "He was mighty proud of the job, too, until he retired from the police force.

"Of course, no boy -- no minor -- ever is spanked without the consent of parent or guardian. Sometimes permission is hard to get, but when it is made clear that the alternative will be worse for the culprit, the difficulty ends."

--The Saturday Blade, Chicago, March 27, 1920, page 2.

Old Home Week Gets Ugly Thanks to Italians with Spanker

Middletown, New York, 1908

DISORDERLY ITALIANS

Abuse the License of Old Home Week and Arrested Despite Resistance

Chief of Police J. D. McCoach had some trouble with two disorderly Italians, at the corner of King and James streets, Friday evening, shortly before 8 o'clock. The men had spankers made out of wood, and one of them struck a woman who was passing, a hard blow on the breast.

Chief McCoach took the fellow to account for it, and the Italian attempted to strike the officer, but the blow went wild, and the foreigner was placed under arrest. The other man, who was a brother of the one taken into custody, interfered, and punched at Chief McCoach, who necked him and hurled him to the ground, where he was caught by Chief Charles Higham, who happened along.

The two prisoners were locked up, but were released about 10:30 o'clock, when a friend deposited $20 for their appearance in court this morning. As Recorder Corwin and Acting Recorder Powelson were both absent from town, the case was put over until 2 o'clock Saturday afternoon, when they were arraigned before Acting Recorder Elmer E. Johnson.

The men pleaded guilty and were each fined $5.

--Orange County Times-Press, Middletown, New York, September 29, 1908, page 2.

Humor Out of the Mouths of Babes

1910

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Margie's mother was sowing some seeds and explaining how they would come up plants.
"Oh, yes!" exclaimed Margie, "they go to bed babes and get up grown people."

Teacher -- "In this sentence, 'The sick boy loves his medicine,' what part of speech is 'loves'?"
Small Boy -- "Please, ma'am, it's the part that ain't so."

Little Fred had been reading about Darwin and one day he said: "Grandpa, I want to ask you something."
"Well, what is it, Fred," queried the old gentleman.
"When you were a monkey," said the small student, "did you have a tail?"

Stern Parent (bringing out the strap) -- "Now, Tommy, I suppose you know why I am going to whip you, don't you?"
Little Tommy -- "Yes, sir. You are going to whip me because I am so small. If I was as big as the man next door you wouldn't dare lay a finger on me."

-The Des Moines News, Des Moines, Iowa, February 13, 1910, page 11.

Husbands Thrive on Spanking (Some Wives, Too)

1916, Click graphic for bigger version
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HUSBANDS THRIVE ON SPANKING

According to Recent Testimony of Their Wives

AND HABIT PROMISES TO SPREAD

Lemon Squeezers and Bread Boards Favorite Substitutes for Birch of Boyhood – Policeman Fears Wife May Attack Him on His Beat – Piano Tuner Finds It Hard to Keep Ear for Harmony.

Victims Hold Various Views as to Efficacy of Household Treatment, but May Unite in Alumni Club. Weaker Vessel Also Tanned and Cheerfully Admits She Likes It.

BY NIXOLA GREELY-SMITH.

Herewith the silly season is formally declared open. From this day on till the hot weather is over wise New Yorkers will not burden their sizzling brains with the Mexican problem, the presidential election or the success of the new offensive of the Allies. To spank or not to spank is the question of the hour. It's much too warm to think. If you don t believe it, read the letters which have been written in the last few days by husbands and wives who favor or oppose spanking as a first aid to conjugal concord.

Grown-Ups Need Birch.

The controversy was started by an innocent little document from a wife, who declared frankly that grown persons as well as children are the better for an occasional whipping, adding that her own husband had been changed from a drinker and smoker into a model man, with a good job, money saved and a fine home by the judicious application of these wifely principles.

Spare the rod and spoil the husband was this matron's recipe for domestic happiness. Many husbands, doubtless, would rather be spanked than nagged. Spanking, like war is only one form of the force argument, in many cases not so objectionable and not nearly so efficacious as hysterics or tears. The pacifists of the home, like those of the larger world, don't seem to realize that to put an end to physical warfare won't put an end to war.

Money as Weapon.

War can be and is made with money all the time, though every sword is sheathed and every bayonet sleeps in its scabbard. And war is made, pressure amounting to tyranny is exerted in many homes wherein the word spank is so discredited that it would not be let in the back door. Persons who decry the rod and the slipper as corrective agents may use meaner weapons. It has been proved that small boys when given a choice between a licking and a milder but longer and more boresome penance elect always to take the licking.

Boys Prefer Licking.

After all when you're licked for going fishing you can take the licking and go fishing again. So husbands given their choice between being lectured or spanked for staying out late at the club might choose the shorter and more merciful punishment.

Still, the husbands who have written their views do not seem to be as philosophical about their spankings as they should be. They do not take the broad, impersonal view of the wife, for instance, who writes that her husband has spanked her frequently and that she feels that her home is happier and she herself a better woman for the spankings.

The letter which started the spanking controversy and those written in answer to it are printed below.

Origin of Controversy.

"On the needs of spanking which were discussed in the world. I would say that grown people should be spanked, as well as children. Whipping has reformed my husband from a drinker and smoker into a model man.

"After a few months of misery I decided to take matters in my own way. So one night when he was half drunk and his pay half gone I lost my temper, took him over my knee and gave him a sound thrashing. I have spanked him often since when I took notion. Now he has a good position, money saved and a fine home. MRS. N. McC."

Likes Being Tanned.

"I would say that while I have never had occasion to even think of punishing my husband, he has frequently spanked me, and I freely admit the result has made our home life happier. I had been careless in many things and caused my husband much worry until he took the advice of my mother and soundly spanked me. Since then I have realized that there are many things I should not do and I refrain from doing them, knowing that if I am caught doing them my husband will not hesitate to place me over his lap and spank me. While he is never brutal in punishing me, he has tanned me many times, and I feel I am the better for it.

"I think there would be more happy couples if more husbands would do the same thing. I freely admit that my life has been made happier since I have been called to an accounting for my misdoings. MRS. A."

Spanked Twice Daily.

"Those very energetic wives who spank their husbands should keep that fact to themselves. My wife read their letters and was very much interested -- too much so for me. Last night I stayed out rather late at my club, and when I returned home received the surprise of my married life when my wife handed me the first spanking I received since my boyhood days.

"This morning at breakfast I remonstrated with her and attempted to stick up for my rights, whereupon I was taken from my meal and given another introduction to my wife's riding crop. A spanking at night is bad enough, but to start the day with one is simply indescribable. Aside from the humiliating fact of a man's discussing war at his club and then going home to be spanked by his wife, it will make husbands invent lies to tell their wives rather than take the spanking. My wife will in future get more fibs from me than truths. INDIGNANT HUSBAND."

Sees Trouble Ahead.

"Honest and truly I hate to write this letter, but the letters you've been printing about wives spanking their husbands makes me want to write this, because I'm always getting spanked by my wife. Honest, Mr. Editor, you don't know how ashamed I feel to tell this to the public but I'm just so full of it I can't help it.

"None of our relatives or friends dreams of the way she works off her tantrums on me. And the funny part of it is I'm a good husband. Well, you can see for yourself -- I don't gamble, drink or chew or smoke (save once in a while I smoke a cornsilk cigarette for fun, but as corn ain't ripe now I haven't smoked any this season.) Don't that sound like I am a good husband?

"I'm a piano tuner and work steady and give her my envelope every week, but a man ain't in much humor to tune pianos when his wife's spanking him all the time, is he? Outside of that one fault, though, she's a fine wife. Sometimes I think she's crazy on the subject because right in the middle of a quiet talk she'll grab me and lay me across her knee and let me have it. One thing about her she don't use no board or nothing, but gee, how she can hit! She's almost twice as big as I am. It's all right to say I made a mistake in marrying a big woman, but I thought the world of her. I do yet, and that fact makes me sore at her treatment. I stole down to the Polo grounds Fourth morning to see the Giants and Brooklyn play, telling her I had to work. I came home with a score card in my pocket and she choked the truth out of me. Then she took me on her knee upside down, Glorious Fourth for me! I don't think, I know I'll be sorry. I wrote this because she'll see it and when she does -- me for the arnica. The only hope I see is that she's getting rhoomatism. BELOW THE BELT."

Victims May Unite.

"And me grieving all these years in the belief that I was the only boob husband who was getting spanked! From the letters you've been getting I'm sure there are enough of us to organize an alumni. What a chance to swap experiences and exchange alleviation ideas! You can see from the letter I write I'm not a mushhead. Furthermore, I'm that much bigger than my wife that it might be fatal if I ever sought to retaliate. That and the fear of our domestic battles becoming public is what makes me put up with it. Then there is a financial reason.

"First along in our married life of nine years, when I tried to curb her furious attacks she used to smash the household articles. I found it was cheaper to let her strike me. I got to bending over and covering my head to save my face, and her spanking developed as a matter of course. While I'm at it I might as well tell the whole humiliating truth. She uses a wooden lemon squeezer. I'm a railroad clerk. We have two children and a Ford, but she never lays a hand on the youngsters. Anyhow, I feel better now to think I'm not the only husband who's getting walloped. OUCH."

Policeman Henpecked.

"Think of a policeman who permits his wife to spank him. Yes, I'm the policeman, I'm sorry to say, and I'm a member of a West Side precinct. Not only that, but I've got a medal for bravery. That's a laugh, ain't it. Those spanking letters you've been running hit me in the same place as they hit the other fellows.

"Here's my case: I've got only a few years to go to get on the pension list, and as I've got a good rep with the members of the force I don't like to spoil everything by dragging my family troubles into print. My wife knows she has me in a hole and that I dare not squeal. She even dares me to arrest her. Ain't that a fine fix? I'm sure some of the neighbors know she spanks me, although I try to stall by laughing out loud when she spanks me. It's hard to laugh, though, when you're getting soaked with a bread board. I got a terrible spanking the night of the last police parade because I didn't wave my hand at her when the parade was passing the library. Several times she's come to my post and threatened to attack me. Some night I'm afraid she will. I wonder how many policemen are getting spanked. PATIENT COP."

--The Washington Post, Sunday, August 20, 1916, Magazine Section, page 1. [Page 37 in microfilm archive.]