Suspenders and Suspense

1904

A certain Congressman from a mountain district, says the New York Sun, is troubled with a weak, squeaky little voice which sometimes falls in the midst of what might otherwise be an eloquent peroration.

Recently in addressing the House on a matter connected with the tariff, he exclaimed: "Why, tariffs are like a pair of suspenders, sometimes tight and sometimes loose; but Uncle Sam needs them just the same, to keep up his-"

Here the Congressman's voice struck a high treble note, flared and stopped.

The House held its breath while he cleared his throat. The suspense, which seemed to last for fully a minute, was more painful to the auditors than to the orator, for everyone was wondering whether he would say "trousers" or "pants," and some were even hoping that he might say "pantaloons." Even "overalls" would be better than "pants," for "pants" is most unparliamentary.

But all fears were without foundation. He cleared his throat with the greatest care, and in a death-like stillness resumed his oration where he had dropped it: "to keep up his running expenses —"

The words which followed were lost forever in a gale of laughter.