A Hint to Would Be Orators

1895

Apropos of Lord Randolph Churchill, an incident may be related which is interesting as showing his pluck and vigor. It relates to the noble lord's early parliamentary life.

He was determined to make an impression upon the house of commons, but some of his friends doubted the wisdom of his resolution. He said little, but he left London and took up his quarters at an inn in Rutlandshire. Here he spent his days and nights for a period of six weeks, with only an occasional trip to "town" for a day in writing and delivering speeches. He practically went into training upon every possible subject of debate. The landlady could hear her lodger hour after hour, day after day, walking about his room delivering speeches, now loud and angry, now soft and persuasive.

Perfected by practice, Lord Randolph Churchill left for town, seized his opportunity, made a big speech and henceforth became a man to be reckoned with. Only to his intimate friends did he over refer to his rural training in parliamentary oratory, which has been of such splendid service to him. — London Standard.

One On Dr. Depew

1895

How a Rural Editor Got the Better of the Genial Orator.

The more stories a man has the more difficult it is to say which is the funniest. I know a great many story tellers and still more stories, but just which one is funniest I would not dare to say offhand.

A friend of mine, a newspaper man, tells me that he was in a small town in New York state where Chauncey Depew was billed to make a speech that night, and it happened he stopped at the same hotel Depew did. Just after supper the editor of the local paper dropped in to see Mr. Depew, and the distinguished gentleman proceeded to have some fun with the country journalist. He had fun, too, and every now and then he rounded up a sentence against the editor by saying, "Oh, you can't believe everything in the newspapers," the editor having used the newspaper matter very largely in his argument.

After the speechmaking was over the editor met Mr. Depew in the hotel office again, and there was a big crowd present.

"Well, my friend," inquired the genial Chauncey, "what did you think of my speech?"

The editor hesitated a moment.

"Are you," he asked solemnly, "the genuine Chauncey M. Depew?" "Certainly. Why not?"

"Are you the one that all the newspapers have been saying was the finest speaker, the greatest talker, the sharpest stumper and the brightest wit before the public?" pursued the editor.

"I guess I'm the one," blushed the gentleman. "Why?"

"Oh, because you can't believe everything there is in the newspapers."

And Depew shook hands with the editor and called it square. — Demorest's Magazine.

The Toast of the Evening

1895

It is not always a pleasant thing to be called upon suddenly to address a public meeting of any sort, as is amusingly illustrated by the following speech, of one who was certainly not born an orator, at the opening of a free hospital:

"Gentlemen — ahem — I — I — I rise to say — that is, I wish to propose a toast, which I think you'll all say — ahem — I think, at least, that this toast is, as you'll say, the toast of the occasion.

"Gentlemen, I belong to a good many of those things, and I say, gentlemen, that this hospital requires no patronage — at least, what I mean is, you don't want any recommendation. You've only got to be ill — got to be ill.

"Now, gentlemen, I find by the report" (turning over the leaves in a fidgety way) "that from the year seventeen — no, eighteen — no, ah, yes, I'm right — eighteen hundred and fifty — no, it's a 3 — thirty-six — eighteen hundred and thirty-six, no less than 193,000,000 — no, ah!" (to a committeeman at his side) "Eh? Oh, yes, thank you — yes — 193,000 — 2,000,000 — no" (after a close scrutiny of the report) — "two hundred and thirty-one — one hundred and ninety-three thousand, two hundred and thirty-one! Gentlemen, I beg to propose — success to this admirable institution!"

To what the large and variously stated figures referred no one in his audience over felt positive, but all agreed, as he had said they would, that this was the toast of the evening. — Youth's Companion.

President Begins Speeches

1916

Long Branch, N. J., Sept. 23. — President Wilson today actively opened his campaign for reelection with a speech replying to Republican criticism of his settlement of the recently threatened railroad strike.

With emphatic gestures, before a large crowd gathered at Shadow Lawn, he defended the eight-hour day and declared also that the nation must be freed front the possibility of interference with its transportation.

"The chief cloud that is upon the domestic horizon is the unsatisfactory relations of capital and labor," the President said, adding that "so long as labor and capital stand antagonistic the interests of both are injured and the prosperity of America is held back from the triumphs which are legitimately its own.

"Human relationships, my fellow citizens, are governed by the heart, and if the heart is not in it, nothing is in it.

"I have recently been through an experience which distressed me. I tried to accommodate a difference between some of the employes of the American railways and the executives of the American railways, and the distressing thing I discovered was that on the one hand there was unlimited suspicion and distrust of the other, and that that suspicion and distrust was returned by the other side in full measure.

"The executives did not believe in the sincerity of the men, and the men did not believe in the sincerity and fairness of the executives.

"When I carried it to Congress, some very interesting things happened. In the House of Representatives the plan was passed, was sanctioned by a vote which included, I am told, about 70 Republicans as against 54 Republicans; and in the Senate, I am informed, that the Republican members of the Senate had a conference, in which they determined to put no obstacle in the way of the passage of the bill. Now this was because the proposal was reasonable and was based upon right.

"But, ladies and gentlemen, that is not the end of the story. This thing ought to have been done, and it had to be done at the time that it was done, so as to bring about a reasonable trial of the eight-hour day and a careful examination of the results of the eight-hour day.

"But that does not finish the matter. Let me call your attention to what I believe we ought all to be thinking about so as to set the stage for this and all similar cases.

"There are some things in which society is so profoundly interested that its interests take precedence of the interests of any group of men whatever. One of these things is the supply of the absolute necessaries of life. It would be intolerable if at any time any group of men by any process should be suffered to cut society off from the necessary supplies which sustain life.

"These men were dealing with one another as if the only thing to settle was between themselves, whereas the real thing to settle was what rights had the 100,000,000 people of the United States?

"The business of government is to see that no other organization is as strong as itself, to see that no body or group of men, no matter what their private interest is, may come into competition with the authority of society, and the problem which Congress, because of the lateness of the session, has for a few months postponed, is this problem."

Getting a Reputation

1910

There is a desk in the senate particularly convenient as a place from which to make speeches. It is next to the aisle and almost in the center of the chamber, and affords an opportunity for the speaker to make everybody hear.

At least a dozen senators, according to the Washington correspondent of the St. Louis Star, have borrowed this desk when they had special utterances to deliver to the senate. This led, not long ago, to a mild protest from its legitimate occupant.

"I am perfectly willing to give up my desk," said he, "but I am afraid people will think that the same man is talking all the time. I don't want to get the reputation of constantly filling the senate with words." — Youth's Companion.

Easy to Talk Too Much

1919

One Must Admit There Is Much Truth in These Sage Reflections

"It is my opinion," said Mr. Goslington, "that beggars talk too much. For instance, this morning I met a man who asked me for a nickel with which to buy a cup of coffee. As I was reaching for the nickel he kept right on talking, telling me among other things that he hadn't had anything to eat for three days, which I knew of course was false, and which detracted very much from my pleasure in giving.

"I am an easy mark. Perhaps as I grow older I shall grow harder, but as I fell about it now I would rather give to a dozen frauds than take a chance of missing one man who was hungry. Still I don't like the fraud to be too obvious; and I am sure there must be many prospective givers who, when the beggar keeps on with that surplus talk, rescind their original determination to give and keep their money in their pocket. Surely you would think the beggar would learn wisdom and talk less, wouldn't you?

"But the beggar is not the only man. How often do we hear it said of some banquet speaker that he is a good talker but he talks too much? This may seem a harsh way of putting it, but that's what people say. This speaker starts engagingly and talks for a time to the pleasure of everybody, wandering on then interminably to the complete obliteration of the first favorable impression. Here the only result is the tiring of the speaker's hearers; but talking too much might have a far more serious result in the case of, say, a man applying for a job.

"Many a man has talked himself out of a prospective job. He goes to the employer with what he wants to say clearly laid out in his mind, he says this clearly and simply, and the employer has practically made up his mind to take him; but then the applicant keeps on talking, to his own undoing. As he talks he reveals himself in a light less favorable; he discloses perhaps some peculiarity that may not really be a detriment but that strikes the employer not agreeably; and so this job that at first the applicant had felt perfectly sure of slips away from him entirely and without his realizing just how it all came about.

"The beggar is far from being alone in over-talking. There are many men in many walks who lack the fine gift of knowing when to stop."

Feared Burial in Trance

1905

Unhappy Existence Led by Victim of Peculiar Disease

"In one of my voyages from Cape Town to England," writes a traveler, "I shared my cabin with a peculiar man, whose name was Lazarus. He made me promise that if he should die during the voyage I would prevent his burial at sea. He said that on a previous voyage he had fallen sick and was taken for dead and put into a sack for burial.

"A quartermaster had been put on to watch the body until it was time for the funeral. When the burial party arrived, the quartermaster informed the captain that he thought the body had moved in the sack. The sack was opened and Lazarus eventually came to life again.

"Such was the story Lazarus told me. Lazarus was a thin man, with a sallow face. He had an enormous appetite and appeared at every meal, to which he devoted his whole energies. The good feeling only seemed to add to his corpse-like appearance.

"One evening, sure enough, when we were about half way to our voyage's end, he apparently died again. The doctors took him in charge this time, however, and he came out of his trance without any shotted-sack episode. He was met at the London docks by a number of relatives and friends, all of whom looked as if they might be suffering from the same complaint."



One of Life's Perplexities

Why People Admire Something Producer Thinks Little Of

He had two lectures. One was dignified, noble, grand, well-pleasing to himself. The other was common, simple, earnest, popular, but thought little of by himself. One of the perplexities of his life was this: Why should the people admire something that he thought little of, and think little of something which he thought so much of? Some thoughts and sermons are for those who create them, and should be kept in a sealed case in the owner's private laboratory. — Earl M. Pratt in "Short Talks."

The Reunion Is Over

From the Leon, Iowa, area, date unknown, circa 1900

It Was the Best and Most Successful Reunion Ever Held — People Were All Well Satisfied

The big reunion which has been looked forward to for months closed Saturday night, and it is not stretching it when we say that it was the biggest and best reunion we have ever held in this city. It looked rather gloomy when the reunion opened on Tuesday of last week with a cold rain but when the sun came out Wednesday morning everybody took heart, although the weather was a little too cold, and for the remaining four days there was a big attendance. On Thursday and Friday Mr. Roe Caster had to open up his meadow to teams, as hundreds could not find any place to hitch on the grounds, notwithstanding there were just the same number of hitchracks as last year, so this shows conclusively that on these days the crowds were larger than on any previous year.

The speakers during the reunion were the best we ever had, Judge W. E. Miller, of Bedford, delivering a fine address on Wednesday afternoon. On Thursday the speaker was Judge S. F. Prouty, of Des Moines, one of the most prominent men of the state. He was met at the depot by Clerk S. W. Kehler with his fine team and carriage, and a delegation of prominent citizens, headed by County Auditor Gill, and escorted up town to dinner. He spoke at the reunion grounds in the afternoon and the crowd was the largest and most attentive at any of the speeches, and his address seemed to please every man and woman in the vast audience. On Friday Col. M. L. Temple, of Osceola, was greeted with a large audience and his address was well received. The last speech of the reunion was made by Mayor V. R. McGinnis, and notwithstanding it was the closing day he was greeted with a big audience who had the pleasure of hearing Mr. McGinnis at his best, and there is no better speaker in the whole state on an occasion like this than Mayor McGinnis.

Excellent music was furnished throughout the reunion by the Garden Grove band, and a better band, or one more liberal with their music was never in this city. The boys are fine gentlemen and gave the very best of satisfaction, both to the public and the committee. It is one of the best bands in this part of the state. The Big Four Quartet from Humeston were also here the entire time, and these gentlemen were heartily endorsed by everybody. They were always ready to sing and there was no end to their repertoire of song, classical or rag time. In the evening they appeared as black face singers and their rag time music never grew old, the crowds always being eager for more. The committee made no mistake when they secured the Big Four Quartet.

The free attractions were the best ever put on by any reunion in southern Iowa, including Clark & Stonebraker in double trapeze, revolving ladders, tumbling and barrel jumping and they are artists in these lines. Zareli, the silver gymnast also made good with his tramp comedy contortions and slack wire walking and unicycle riding, juggling, and hand balancing and posing. He is a good one. There were also a number of other free attraction, including numerous boxing and wrestling matches, and there was something going on at one of the three stands all the time, so that it kept the people busy trying to see it all.

Friday was 111th Alaska day, and these jolly boys had a big special program offering numerous cash prizes for contests and sports of various kinds. The pie eating contests for men was won by Will Akes, who devoured something less than a dozen pies, John Vanpelt being a close second. In the boys pie eating contest Frank Cartwright won first prize and Paul Kenter the second money. Howard Eals of this city proved a wonder when it came to stowing away the most watermelon and he easily distanced all his competitors, but hasn't cared for melon since. There were six good wrestling matches during the day at which cash prizes were offered and they were all for blood, the winners being as follows:

1st — Clyde Pryor won from Floyd Powers.
2d — Steve Akes won from John Powers.
3d — Fred Young won from Clyde Pickering.
4th — Wm. Akes won from Perry Reynolds.
5th — Floyd Powers won from Forest Davenport.
6th — Guy Whitecar won from Jasper Jennings.

In the boxing contests Art Cowden won from Jap Carr, the latter taking a header into the lake from the platform to avoid his opponent. This match was followed by a hot one between Clyde Marvin and Carl Reynolds which the judges called a draw.

Fred Jay, the Davis City high diver, made a pretty dive from a fifty foot ladder into the lake, and as the result of a challenge between J. R. Bowsher and Charlie Akes, Bowsher made a fine high dive, going into the water like a lobster.

Suspenders and Suspense

1904

A certain Congressman from a mountain district, says the New York Sun, is troubled with a weak, squeaky little voice which sometimes falls in the midst of what might otherwise be an eloquent peroration.

Recently in addressing the House on a matter connected with the tariff, he exclaimed: "Why, tariffs are like a pair of suspenders, sometimes tight and sometimes loose; but Uncle Sam needs them just the same, to keep up his-"

Here the Congressman's voice struck a high treble note, flared and stopped.

The House held its breath while he cleared his throat. The suspense, which seemed to last for fully a minute, was more painful to the auditors than to the orator, for everyone was wondering whether he would say "trousers" or "pants," and some were even hoping that he might say "pantaloons." Even "overalls" would be better than "pants," for "pants" is most unparliamentary.

But all fears were without foundation. He cleared his throat with the greatest care, and in a death-like stillness resumed his oration where he had dropped it: "to keep up his running expenses —"

The words which followed were lost forever in a gale of laughter.

She Teaches Correct Speech

1910

A woman of culture and travel has made a glorious success teaching correct speech. It is surprising how much incorrect speech there is among our educated people. They cling to provincialisms, incorrect pronunciations, wrong use of words and unmusical intonations. The southerner holds to the soft, r-less utterance of his "mammy" days; the middle westerner flattens all his vowels; the Bostonian throws his r's completely out of joint.

This woman undertook to correct such errors and teach a pure, perfect, English speech to a few young women. She became so successful that she was compelled to start a school of correct English which has grown to great proportions. This particularly promising field is open to every town in America. — Delineator


Good Advice

"And now, son," said the old rabbit, "here's a bit of advice. Always keep on the good side of a dog."

"But, pop," queried the youngster, who was about to go forth into the big world, "which is the good side of a dog?"

"The outside, son," answered the old rabbit, as he bit off another hunk of cabbage.


Tired

Some people are so tireless that they become positively tiresome.

A Magnificent Speech on Tennyson's "Enoch Arden"

Georgia, 1896

A Magnificent Speech

Miss Edna Miller, of Miss Hanna's School, in Debate

Her Speech Delivered at the Tennyson Evening Given by Miss Hanna's School Was Superb

On the evening of the 2d of this month the girls of Miss Hanna's school gave a Tennyson evening, which proved a great success. The greater part of the programme was a debate upon the subject, "Resolved, That Philip Ray was a nobler character than Enoch Arden."

About a half dozen were on either side and the debate was one of the best ever heard by girls. A committee composed of Dr. J. B. Hawthorne, Judge Milton A. Candler, Colonel W. S. Thomson and Mr. C. L. Brooks decided the debated question in favor of the negative side, but Dr. Hawthorne in stating the decision, said that this was only because the burden of proof rested upon the affirmative side. He said they had done equally as well as the other side, but no better, consequently the decision was for the negative side.

The speech of Miss Edna Miller, the bright young daughter of Captain John A. Miller, on this occasion so impressed the large audience that The Junior publishes it in full this week with the picture of the bright girl who delivered it with such becoming grace. Never before did a fifteen-year-old girl impress an audience so deeply. Her speech was frequently interrupted with applause.

"Resolved, That in Tennyson's poem, 'Enoch Arden,' of the two principal characters Philip Ray's was the nobler."

The English language has few, if any, tenderer, purer, sweeter or more pathetic stories than that which gives to us the characters of Enoch Arden, Philip Ray and Annie Lee.

The immortal Tennyson in this tale of love and pathos, of griefs and joys, gives to the world three of the most lofty, noble and unselfish characters known to our literature. Of these characters we shall contend that Philip Ray's was the noblest — the most exalted.

While the discussion proposed for this evening must of necessity magnify and elevate characters respectively championed, still it would seem a little unfortunate that two such characters as Enoch Arden and Philip Ray should be brought into that contrast which debates always require.

Before entering properly into the discussion of our subject we desire to insist that the story of Enoch Arden, as told by Tennyson, makes a complete record of the facts. That the pictures, so to say, as he paints them are all that can be legitimately considered.

I am aware that the temptation here to indulge in flights of fancy and imagination is great, but contend that no speculation as to motives or conditions or circumstances not specified in the poem should be given weight.

That nobleness of soul and character which stamps its possessor as a true hero most frequently exists in lives of suffering hid behind faces that smile.

The greatest battles of this life are those that are fought within the hearts of men. Great heroes suffer and are silent. The true test — and the hardest — of greatness of heart is in weathering disappointments and bearing with grace defeats.

Enoch Arden spoke his love, Philip Ray loved in silence. As the current of the mighty river his love, though silent, was deep and enduring, Enoch Arden was the successful suitor of the hand of the fair Annie Lee. Philip Ray was rejected.

Our story does not disclose in the life of Enoch Arden that any such severe test was ever applied to him as the youthful Philip Ray was forced to meet when he sued for the hand of Annie Lee and lost, and was forced to become a spectator to the bliss which his life coveted.

That strength of mind and nobility of heart which enables an individual to suffer and smile as Philip Ray did through this most trying ordeal is an unmistakable evidence of the highest order of heroism; the magnanimity with which he yields this prize, the absence of revenge and resentment and the unselfishness with which he labored ever afterwards to promote the highest interest of his successful rival is absolute proof of his pre-eminent nobility. The basis of all true heroism is unselfishness. That heart which can resign to another those things most loved is truly noble. To illustrate how far this nobleness of soul was found in the character of Phillip Ray let us briefly recount his cares and his battles and how he met them.

Without murmur or complaint he bowed to the choice which Annie Lee made between himself and Enoch Arden. From the standpoint of human nature his treatment to Enoch Arden and Annie Lee after this would have been indifferent and unfriendly, but with him, never for once is such a spirit manifested. During Enoch Arden's long absence on his unfortunate sea voyage he is ever mindful of the highest interest of his wife and children. When the hand of providence opened the way he came to Annie in her grief and despair and comforted her and helped her — educated her children and made himself a father to them, saying all the while he desired to carry out what Enoch wished.

In every way did he seek to contribute to the need of Annie and her children, and that, too, with that delicate loftiness of heart which makes him at once the very paragon of nobleness and goodness. When ten long years had elapsed since Enoch Arden's departure and all hope of his return had died, he ventured to make Annie his wife, saying all the while that he would be content to be loved a little less than Enoch. And when Annie puts him off from year to year, and month to month he tenderly tells her to take her own time — his every action proving that in seeking to become the husband of the supposed widow his highest desire is to gain the position wherein he can best contribute to her needs and promote her welfare. Unselfish, generous, noble Philip Ray — let no tongue seek to cast a blot upon the manliness and nobility of heart which knows no malice, no revenge.

What grave injustice is done to true magnanimity when anything but the highest of motives is assigned for the most exalted actions.

Enoch Arden had his trials, but none that showed the great and noble character which Philip Ray's life developed. Enoch Arden was shipwrecked at sea, but Philip Ray had shipwrecked hopes. Enoch Arden was far removed from the scene of his home and loved ones, Philip Ray from the time that Enoch Arden won the hand of Annie Lee was a constant spectator of his own blasted hopes. The superlative degree of nobility and heroism finds a proper illustration only in the ability of the individual to live in unselfishness and in the every outward indication of absolute peace of mind while coming in daily contact with the fact which robs life of its charm. Without murmur of complaint Philip Ray for long, long years was a witness to the joy and happiness of the more fortunate Enoch Arden. Measured by any standard which true philosophy accepts Philip Ray has no superior in any country or any age.

In these two characters we find much to admire and love, much to commend and little to condemn. Weighed, however, in that balance which estimates true nobility, generosity of soul and loftiness of purpose and of heart, and the character of Philip Ray has scarcely a parallel. While less strong and daring in physique than Enoch Arden, yet that strength of soul which makes true nobility was found in him to a higher degree than in Enoch Arden. Enoch Arden's life was more dashing, perchance more brilliant, and certainly more dramatic, but it clearly lacked that evenness of temper, that patient fortitude, that noble self-sacrifice which Philip Ray's possessed. The tragic ending of Enoch Arden's life certainly moves us to sympathetic tears and genuine grief, but this should not draw us from a proper consideration of the true greatness of the character of Philip Ray.

In the great battles royal of life — wherein are determined the highest nobility — no test can be more trying and more searching than that to which the poet subjects Philip Ray. The test was like a refiner's fire. How well he stood it and what greatness of character he displays, the story itself reveals. No one who pretends to a knowledge of what constitutes true strength of character will for a moment doubt or dispute that more of the elements of the true and noble soul are found to exist in the character of Philip Ray than in Enoch Arden. And pray, how are we to judge of nobility of soul if not by the standard of practical every-day greatness? What a low standard of greatness is set up if we allow the sad surroundings of Enoch Arden to outweigh the true nobleness of Philip Ray! Take nine out of ten of the civilized men and under like environments with Enoch Arden they would become the hero he did. But how many of the same men do we see failing in the every day battles of life which were so bravely fought and won by Philip Ray?

Enoch Arden excites our pity and compassion — the exalted character of Philip Ray commands our profoundest respect and admiration.

—The Atlanta Constitution, Atlanta, March 22, 1896, p. 2 children's section, The Constitution, Jr.

Note: No picture of Edna Miller was actually printed with the article.

Commas and Inflection Make a Difference

1895

Commas and Inflection

A Good Deal Depends on Them Sometimes

We published recently an account of a suit for heavy damages arising from lack of punctuation in a telegram. A man sent the message: "Don't come. Too late." But the doctor received it, "Don't come too late," and immediately engaged a special train to convey him a long distance.

Mr. Story, the sculptor, who began life as a lawyer, tells a good anecdote which illustrates the fact that the emphasis which punctuates has as much to do with determining the sense of a sentence as the meaning of the words. Once, when he was called upon to defend a woman accused of murdering her husband, he adduced as one of the proofs of her innocence the fact of her having attended him on his deathbed, and saying to him, when he was dying, "Goodbye, George!" The counsel for the prosecution declared that that ought rather to be taken as a proof of her guilt, and that the words she had used were "Good! by George!"

A well known clergyman of New York used to make a strong point by reading the verse, "God said, Let there be light, and there was light," with the emphasis on the word light, not on was, as usually rendered.

An elocutionist of considerable note has questioned the method of the great Mrs. Siddons, who in answer to Macbeth's suggestion of possible failure was wont to reply, "Fail!" with a emphatic drop of the voice that implied, "Well, then, fail, that's all there is to it." "Lady Macbeth would never have got him in the world," said this critic, "had she addressed him in that manner. She undoubtedly said, 'Fail,' in a tone of utter contempt for a man who could imagine such an outcome to his villainy. The word should be given in a deep tone, with a falling inflection and then an upward tendency." — Brooklyn Eagle.

Love Scorns Conventions (humor)

1909

Sincere.
"Sir," said the young man, respectfully, "I am a poor man and you are a millionaire. It seems presumptuous in me, no doubt, to aspire to the hand of your daughter. But my love for her is so great that I cannot be stopped by such considerations. Love scorns conventions and conveniences. Ah, sir, will you give her to me?" The old magnate seemed interested. "But which of my four daughters do you want?" he asked, not unkindly. Eagerly the suitor made answer: "Oh, I'll leave that to you, sir."


A True Detective.
Running his hands underneath the chairs, the detective said: "This is a bachelor apartment. No women have been here for months."
"How do you know that?" inquired the reporter.
"Because, sir," the detective answered, wisely, "I find no chewing gum concealed about the place."— Cleveland Leader.


Her Little Plan.
The Spinster—Why, Mrs. Browning, what are you going to do with that pail?
The Widow—My late husband's last request was that his grave be kept green and as I am about to marry again I concluded to give it a coat of green paint.—Chicago Daily News.


Common Profanity.
"I'll be deviled!" said the ham.
"I'll be switched!" said the train.
"I'll be darned!" said the sock.
"I'll be stumped!" said the tree.
"I'll be blowed!" said the horn.
"I'll be hanged!" said the picture.
"I'll he dammed!" said the stream. -Judge.


The American Habit.
Briggs—I suppose if I accept your invitation to go to that dinner you will want me to make a speech.
Griggs—No, my dear fellow, you see it's this way. Everybody we have invited so far wants to make a speech, and what I am trying to do now in to get together a few listeners.—Life.


Scientific.
A Germ and a Goblin met one day. and the Goblin gave the Germ the wall. Grudgingly, however.
"I'd be as big a bugbear as you if only science had chosen to take me up as seriously!" muttered the Goblin, with a sour air.—Life.

Professor Teaches Telephone Girls to Smile, Speak Pleasantly

1902

Telephone Girl's Smile

Chicago telephone girls are learning the art of sending smiles over the wires. It is true only a few of the young women at "Central" have been initiated into the mysteries as yet, but it is beginning, says the Chicago Record-Herald.

The smiles reach the subscribers in the form of ecstatic thrills. Under their magnetic influence men are transformed into superior beings, for when was man ever proof against the smile of a pretty woman? No matter how cross or worried or hurried the caller may be, the modern young goddess, whose fillet clasps her scalp instead of encircling her brow, immediately puts him under a spell by smiling at him over the wire. The curmudgeon is transformed from an ugly bear into a placid human being. The man with worries forgets them while basking in the radiance thrown about him by electrical magic. The hustler who ordinarily works under 400 pounds pressure lingers at the telephone as long as the smile diffuses its delicious sensations, and he even cries for more.

"How absurd!" Doubtless that is what some readers are saying. Several of the telephone girls made the same remark when Professor George A. Vinton, teacher of expression, unfolded the new art to them. They also added:

"The idea of our grinning into the transmitters! Why, it is foolish, and will make us a laughing stock."

"Now, my dear girls," said the professor in his suavest tone, "let me assure you, out of my long experience, that you are mistaken. If you wish to be treated pleasantly by other persons you must be pleasant to them. Furthermore, my dears, you are never so lovely as when you are smiling. You cannot smile without having a kindly feeling, and if you speak while smiling you cannot keep that feeling out of the tones of your voice. If you are cross you may be sure your tones will irritate the man at the other end of the wire. If you are pleasant your tones will soothe him, and you cannot be pleasant without looking pleasant. Now, Miss Jones, just try it once; please do. Put on your sweetest smile in answering that subscriber who has just called. Ah, that's it. Now, didn't you observe a change in his manner when he spoke after you smiled?"

Miss Jones answered affirmatively, and the professor beamed even more cheerily than before. But the art of smiling over the telephone wires is only a part of the instruction Professor Vinton is giving a class of girls at "central." He is teaching what he believes to be the most effective, correct and pleasant manner of using the English language. He is training them in the art of articulation and expression — to enunciate words distinctly and to use tones of the greatest carrying power. "Articulation is the diamond of uttered speech, but expression is almost as important. To get the full force of language the expression should be suited to the words. Listen to anyone reading poetry. It is jingle, jingle, jingle, and half the meaning of the lines lost. You can tell to what denomination a minister belongs by the mannerism of his voice. Few lawyers know how to read aloud effectively. At the woman's club the speakers use breathy voices that cannot be understood 15 feet away. Children are graduated from the high schools with foreign accents and abominable English. It is a shameful condition of affairs, but it can be remedied if the school authorities will only make the effort.

"In Germany children are taught the phonetics of their language. Something of the same sort is done in some of the schools of this country, but for the most part it is a bluff. Clean, clear articulation should be taught in the public schools of Chicago. Who ever saw a school child in this city use any but the most stilted expression? There are elocutionists who profess to train the voice for speaking, but they generally make the mistake of running to form, of teaching the use of rolling, sonorous tones at the expense of expression. As a matter of fact, the conversational tone, made in the front of the mouth, is the most effective.

"I am teaching the telephone girl a low, gentle, modulated tone of voice that will reach subscribers much more distinctly than loud, rough tones. The direction to smile is only carrying out the idea of expression. The man at the other end knows instinctively from the tone of the voice, without seeing the girl, that she is smiling. He is soothed instead of irritated, the girl is saved many gruff retorts, and the service is bettered for all concerned."

Uses of the Phonograph — Backmasking, Mashups Foretold In 1878

1878

Uses of the Phonograph.

For public uses we shall have galleries where phonograph sheets will be preserved as photographs and books now are. The utterances of great speakers and singers will there be kept for a thousand years. In these galleries spoken languages will be preserved from century to century, with all the peculiarities of pronunciation, dialect, or brogue. As we go now to see the stereopticon, we shall go to public halls to hear these treasures of speech and song brought out and reproduced as loud, or louder, than when first spoken or sung by the truly great ones of earth. Certainly, within a dozen years, some of the great singers will be induced to sing into the ear of the phonograph, and the electrotyped cylinders thence obtained will be put into the hand-organs of the streets, and we shall hear the actual voice of Christine Nilsson or Miss Cary ground out at every corner.

In public exhibitions, also, we shall have reproductions of the sounds of nature, and of noises familiar and unfamiliar. Nothing will be easier than to catch the sounds of the waves on the beach, the roar of Niagara, the discords of the streets, the noises of animals, the puffing and rush of the railroad train, the rolling of thunder, or even the tumult of a battle.

When popular airs are sung into the phonograph, and the notes are then reproduced in reverse order, very curious and beautiful musical effects are sometimes produced, having no apparent resemblance to those contained in their originals. The instrument may thus be used as a sort of musical kaleidoscope, by means of which an infinite variety of new combinations may be produced from the musical compositions now in existence.

The speaking phonograph, will, doubtless, be applied to bell-punches, clocks, complaint boxes in public conveyances and to toys of all kinds. It will supersede the short-hand writer in taking letters by dictation and in taking testimony before referees. Phonographic letters will be sent by mail, the foil being wound on paper cylinders of the size of a finger. It will recite poems in the voice of the author, and reproduce the speeches of celebrated orators. Dramas will be produced in which all the parts will be "well spoken — with good accent, and good discretion;" the original matrice being prepared on one machine provided with a rubber tube having several mouthpieces; and Madame Tussaud's figures will hereafter talk, as well as look like their great prototypes! — Scribner.

—Daily Star, Marion, OH, April 22, 1878, p. 2.

Notes Around Town – Motion Pictures, Fobs, and Fish

Stevens Point, Wisconsin, May 29, 1907

A. W. Carle, proprietor and manager of the Ideal theatre, will give the usual program of moving pictures, illustrated songs and musical numbers on Sunday afternoons and evenings.

Benjamin Sias, of Sparta, who won the district declamatory contest in this city a couple of weeks ago, was named the best speaker at the state contest, held in Madison, last Friday evening.

Chas. U. Conlisk left for the Sacred Heart Sanitarium, Milwaukee, Monday morning, to take a course of treatment, he not having been feeling well of late. He will no doubt return in a short time fully recuperated.

The latest fad! Gold plated signet Normal and High school fobs. Call and see them at French, Campbell & Co.

The machine shop of F. A. Sustins, on North Third street, was entered through a window Friday night and a number of valuable tools stolen. A bar was pryed off a window after a pane of glass had been broken.

Mrs. E. I. Tozier, who resides just west of the city in the town of Linwood, has been afflicted with blood clots in the veins and tissues for the past few years, and will leave next week for the Sacred Heart Sanitarium, Milwaukee, to remain some weeks under the care of the able physicians and nurses there.

J. W. Moxon and son, Arnold, returned Monday morning on train No. 1 from Gills Landing, where they had spent Saturday night and part of Sunday on the Wolf river, catching bass. No bass offered to take their bait, but a huge rock sturgeon, weighing 47½ pounds was secured by Arnold. His father assisted in landing the big fish.

Judge Murat has ordered Willie Koslowski, of Junction City, to be committed to the Boys' Industrial school at Waukesha. The boy refused to obey his parents and was given into Sheriff Guyant's charge, Thursday, he being taken to that institution thereafter.

Jack Carkeek, who in years gone by was one of the best known wrestlers in this country, but who has spent the past few years across the ocean, has been renewing acquaintances in this city for a few days.

Geo. L. Rogers and John Martini left here Tuesday morning for Mt. Clemens, Mich., to remain about three weeks and enjoy the health-giving baths of that resort. Both gentlemen have been troubled with rheumatism for some time.

Rev. Russell Wilber, archdeacon of Fond du Lac, conducted services in the Episcopal church here Sunday morning and evening. The visiting clergyman made a fine impression, he being a speaker of unusual ability, with a pleasing manner and a convincing form of expression.

—The Gazette, Stevens Point, Wisconsin, May 29, 1907