Wisecracks About the News

1911

That New York person who shot himself five times and failed to kill himself will probably die some day of the pip. You never can tell.

A Washington man has started suit for $300,000 for the loss of his wife. All of which leads us to remark that she must have been some wife.

"In the future," says Doctor Wiley, "the air will furnish heat, fuel and power." It might do so right now if some way to extract the coal from it could be found.

That Kansas City man, as we understand the case, did not want a divorce merely because his wife smoked, but on account of what she smoked.

Europe's wine shortage this year is said to be the greatest for a century. Still there will no doubt be enough for us who buy it only for medicinal purposes.

A writer in the New York Medical Journal says whisky is not a cure for snake bite, but kindly refrains from expressing an opinion as to its suitability for fish bait.