Big Money Before Marriage

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His Ruling Passion
The young man waited for the millionaire's reply.
"I don't blame you for wanting to marry my daughter," said the latter. "And now how much do you suppose you and she can worry along on?"
The youth brightened up.
"I--I think," he cheerfully stammered, "that $200,000 well invested, would produce a sufficient income."
The millionaire turned back to his papers.
"Very well," he said, "I will give you $100,000, providing you raise a similar amount."
And the young man went away sorrowing.
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Breaking It Gently
Callahan was stopped on the street by Father Clancy. The good priest's countenance took on a sad expression.
"What's this, I hear, Callahan," asked he, "about your breaking Hogan's head last night? And the two of you friends for years."
Callahan seemed somewhat taken aback. "Sure, I was compelled to do it, your riverance," he explained apologetically, "but out of consideration for that same friendliness I broke it gintly, your riverence." -- Lippincott's.
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The Cache
Knicker - We are told to do our shopping early.
Bocker - I know it; my wife has already concealed a 49-cent tie in the top bureau drawer.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

Auto For The Pope

Several Americans Have Handsome Machine Built at Turin.

Turin, May 5.—A manufactory here has built for several Americans an automobile which will be presented by them to Pope Pius. It will be a handsome machine of from twenty to thirty horse power and especially adapted for use within the Vatican gardens. It will be elegantly equipped, being lined with white leather and having on the left side a gold medal of St. Joseph, the pope's patron saint, and on the right a pocket which will contain a richly bound breviary. The pontifical arms will adorn the doors. The interior of the car will be lighted by electricity.

--Warren Evening Mirror, Warren, Pennsylvania, May 8, 1909, page 7.