Too Expensive a Place

1895

Paul Lacroix, a French writer and bibliophile, was at one time seriously out of health and took refuge in Italy. Bronchitis had fastened itself upon him, and his pallor and general feebleness of appearance were so marked that he sometimes saw people point the finger at him in the street and say to each other in an undertone, "A consumptive!"

He had taken lodgings in Rome, when, one day, the proprietor of the house mounted the stairs, rapped at the door and came in. Lacroix was just then in a coughing paroxysm.

"Signor," began the householder, "who is responsible for you?"

"What do you mean?" asked the astonished Frenchman.

"If you should die, who would pay the expenses?"

"I hope not to die yet awhile," answered Lacroix. "Besides I am not very ambitious. A modest burial would suit me."

"But who will pay me?"

"Why, man, I pay you myself every week!"

"No, no. I am speaking of this bed, this armchair, this table, this carpet — everything in the chamber. Everything will have to be burned after the death of a consumptive."

"My dear sir," said Lacroix, "I am not rich enough to die in Rome. I will go to Naples."

The next day, indeed, he set out for southern Italy, but he lived for many years to tell the story of his banishment from the Holy City. — Youth's Companion.

Farmer Henryer Meant Well, but He Didn't Deserve a Good Wife

1895

Old Ripley Henryer is a well to do farmer with skinflint tendencies whose life has been passed without an emotion except what may have been engendered in getting money together and holding fast to it.

When his father died a quarter of a century ago, his mother concluded she could not get along without him, so she quickly followed the same way, and Ripley, coming into possession of the homestead, felt the necessity for a good cook and washerwoman. Then he prevailed upon Hetty Mercer, an affectionate and pretty girl of the neighborhood, to assume those duties, first making her his wife.

It is possible he said nothing to her of the obligations attendant upon the wifely relations, but that made no difference as to results. Ripley was strong as an ox, and, a hard worker himself, he had no use for lazy people and no excuses for those who were weaker than himself.

As time passed little Henryers, one, two, three, five in all, came into the family fold, each one adding to the wife's cares, and meantime Ripley added to his acres.

The number of hired men increased, but in all the years it never occurred to him that the mother of his children might need help in her department. Hired girls were "scarce and awful high," as he put it when one of the neighbors reminded him of his remissness.

Hetty bore her yoke in silence and might have been contented even but for the man's utter lack of sentiment or affection. She had never felt the gentle pressure of his hand in soft caress, and he had never kissed her in his life. She grew old fast, faded and drooped, and finally even the stolid, sordid husband saw the necessity of calling in a doctor.

When the latter was leaving the house, he called Ripley aside and said:

"Suppose you show your wife a little kindness. I think a bit of affection will do her more good than medicine. She's in a bad way and may die."

The selfish fellow was frightened at the prospect of losing his cook and faithful housekeeper, and after some deliberation he entered her bedchamber and awkwardly approached her side, then stooped over and kissed her pale, cold brow.

The poor woman, who for 25 years had been dying for sympathy and love, was so startled at this exhibition of feeling on the part of her husband that tears of thankfulness gathered in her eyes and then rolled down her cheeks.

The lubberly fellow started back at sight of this evidence of weakness and blurted out:

"Gosh! Hetty, you needn't mind it. I didn't mean nothing by it. Doc, he said it mebbe'd make you feel better."

Then the tears dried quickly enough, and the woman turned her pallid face toward the wall.

When Ripley came back an hour later, all the kisses in the world could not have brought moisture to her eyes. The office of cook and laundress was vacant in his house. — Chicago Tribune.

"Look at the Expense"

1895

An old couple fell ill of old age together. The husband died, but the wife had more vitality. On the day following her husband's death she was better, and the doctor was congratulating himself on the success of his treatment. But the woman's point of view was different. She complained bitterly, for, as she forcibly pointed out, "Ef ee'd lat me alone, one funeral 'ud a done for us two, an look what it'll cost now berrying two of us separately!" — Westminster Budget.


Wheat

The average yield of wheat in Russia is 500 pounds to each 100 pounds of seed; in Great Britain, Holland and the United States, 900; in Italy, 1,000.


A Little Dangerous.

He (designingly) — What a terrible thing it would be if some rascal should marry you for your money!
She (discouragingly) — It would be for him — if I found it out. — New York Weekly.


Rice

Rice is not mentioned in the Old Testament and only once or twice in the Talmud. It is not found in Egyptian tombs at a date prior to B. C. 500.

Sick Man Tramps Home To Die

1916

Recovers Good Health and Is Now Hiking Back.

MIDLAND, Texas — Alonzo Meredith, who hails from Savannah, Ga., passed thru Midland en route to California, pulling a small two wheeled cart containing his bedding and cooking utensils and tells the following story:

"Doctors in Frisco told me to go home last April; that I would be dead of the T. B. (tuberculosis) in another sixty days. I had spent all my money and to go home was out of the question. However, I was obsessed of the idea to try and walk the distance. I started and before I had made the first hundred miles I began to gather strength. I had money to eat on, but slept out nights. After making the distance to Indio, California, I was able to work. I gained strength and continued my journey. I walked to New Orleans and was examined there in the charity hospital for 'bugs' and was pronounced cured. I am now on my way back and upon reaching there will double back again, as I want to make sure of the cure."

—The Saturday Blade, Chicago, Sept. 16, 1916, p. 11.

The Life Insurance Cure

1900

Result of a Dying Bachelor's Plan For a Novel Funeral

"I don't know that life insurance is a cure for disease," said the retired life insurance solicitor, "but I know of an instance which makes it look that way. In the town where I first began business was a bachelor of about 50 years, who was quite alone in the world and had some years before taken out a $5,000 policy on himself for the benefit of a maiden sister, who had died a year before the events of this story. He kept his policy going, however, because it was a good way to save money, and one day he was taken down with some kind of fever. He grew worse day after day, until one day the doctor told him that he would in all likelihood be dead within the next 24 hours.

"This suggested his life insurance money, all he had to leave, and he immediately began to talk with the doctor on the subject of a proper disposal of it. He concluded after some thought that the best thing to do with it was to blow it on a tremendous big funeral for himself, including a banquet for all the people he knew. This was an entirely new idea for a funeral, and when the doctor left him that night to the care of his nurse his mind was entirely occupied with his funeral. He talked to the nurse about it, and when the nurse made him stop he lay and thought about it. In fact, he became so much interested in the details of his funeral that he quite forgot about having to die to make it possible.

"In the morning when the doctor came he found his patient in a wild perspiration and his pulse beating in much better fashion than it had been doing for some days. He also found the general condition of the patient much improved. He was greatly astonished and at once began to ask questions. The patient told him with eager interest of a lot of new things he had thought of for the funeral and some that bothered him a good deal and said he had been thinking of it all night. Then the doctor laughed and told him he guessed the funeral would have to be postponed, for he wasn't going to die just then anyhow. Nor did he, and he isn't dead yet, but he is married and has his policy paid up for his wife's benefit." - Chicago Inter Ocean.

Lord Brougham's Dream

1917

Lord Brougham was one of the stubborn believers to the "common sense" explanation of ghostly appearances as dreams. At Edinburgh university he and an intimate friend drew up an agreement written with their blood that whichever of them died first should appear to the survivor.

Years passed; the friend was in India, and Brougham had almost forgotten his existence. Arriving late one night at an inn in Sweden, Brougham had a hot bath and was going to get out of it when he looked toward the chair on which he had left his clothes and saw his friend sitting on it. Brougham seems then to have fainted.

On getting home be received a letter announcing that the other had died in India at the very time. Yet this incident, which most people would put down to telepathy at least, was dismissed by Brougham as a mere dream and pure coincidence.

Farmer Charges Cat Sucked Breath From Children

1908

Gladstone, Michigan — Two children of Clarence Stearns, a farmer living near this village, are dying and three others are seriously ill, due to a cat having "sucked their breath" when they lay asleep in bed.

The father, in the dim light, saw the family cat sitting on the child's breast, its nose close to the babe's lips. The cat's claws scratched the child's breast as the father drew it away.

Going to the bed of the other children he found, he says, that the cat had sucked the breath of all and that two were so ill it was necessary for him to hitch up his horses and drive to the village for a doctor.


Goat and Man in Duel

Kansas City, Missouri — Bruised and battered on all four sides and with all of his corners knocked off, Frank Schleich lies on a cot in the emergency hospital as the result of a battle in the dark between him and a goat. The goat invaded Schleich's room in the barn and, as the man was unarmed, the goat might have killed him had it not been for the arrival of another barn man, who subdued the horned and whiskered beast by throwing a horse blanket over its head.


Baby Born with Brand

Peoria, Illinois — A letter "H" as distinct as though branded with an iron shows on the forehead of the two-months-old daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Henry Hartman of Alton.

Neighbors gather daily at the Hartman home to view the unusual birthmark, which is exactly in the middle of the forehead and which has become more plainly visible within the last few weeks.

Physicians say the birthmark will disappear within two or three years.

Freezing an Easy Death

1914

Freezing to death, writes a medical authority, is preceded by a drowsiness which makes the end painless — the body actually feels warm and goes comfortably to sleep. Experiments have been made with animals to show just how freezing to death proceeds.

In one of these experiments, in which the animal was placed in a temperature of 125 to 150 degrees below zero, the breathing and heart beats at first were quickened, the organic heat of the body actually rising above normal.

This rising showed a sudden and an intense effort on the part of functions to preserve the body's temperature. Then the violent heart action gave out suddenly and death came when the temperature of the body dropped to 71 degrees.


In a "Higher" Grade

That juvenile human nature remains pretty much the same always would seem freshly indicated by the quaint incident related in a famous author's recent reminiscences of his childhood. The said author had an older brother whom he admired hugely, and whose society he desired to enjoy as much as might be. There came a time, however, when the older boy revolted against the too frequent companionship of the younger, and thus gravely explained the grounds of his superiority:

"I play with boys who curse and swear."

Old Style and New Style Calendars

1874

When the calendar of Julius Caesar was reformed under Pope Gregory XIII, in 1582, by a brief it was ordered that October 5th should be called October 15th. The adoption of the Gregorian calendar in England took place September, 1752, when the 3rd of the month was called the 14th. To change Old Style to New add 11 days. George Washington was born Feb. 11, 1732, O.S., but adding the 11 days, we celebrate the 22nd in honor of his birth. If the revolution of the earth around the sun occupied exactly 365¼ days, the calendar would never need correction. As that is about 11 minutes longer than the real period, we add a day every four years to February, omitting it in 1700, 1800, and 1900.


A Solemn Thought

Ten thousand human beings set forth together on their journey. After ten years one-third at least have disappeared. At the middle point of the common measure of life but half are still upon the road. Faster and faster, as the ranks grow thinner, they that remain till now become weary and lie down to rest no more. At threescore and ten a band of some four hundred still struggle on. At ninety these have been reduced to a handful of thirty trembling patriarchs. Year after year they fall in diminishing numbers. One lingers, perhaps, a lonely marvel, till the century is over. We look again and the work of death is finished.

Last Words of the Dying

Goethe.—"More light."
Grotius.—"Be serious."
Charles I.—"Remember."
Washington.—"It is well."
Byron.—"I must sleep now."
John Knox.—"Now it is come."
Napoleon.—"Head of the army."
Dr. Donne.—"Thy will be done."
Charles Matthews.—"I am ready."
Tasso.—"Into Thy hands, O Lord."
Johnson.—"God bless you, my dear."
Lawrence.—"Don't give up the ship."
Haller.—"The artery ceases to beat."
Mahomet.—"Oh, Allah ! be it even so."
Sir Walter Scott.—"God bless you all."
Chesterfield.—"Give Dayrolles a chair."
John Q. Adams.—"It is the last of earth."
Hayden.—"God preserve the emperor."
Charles II—"Don't let poor Nelly starve."
Nelson.—"I thank God I have done my duty."
Talma.—"The worst of all is that I cannot see."
Franklin.—"A dying man can do nothing well."
Alfieri.—"Clasp my hand, dear friend, I die."
Edward Irving.—"I die unto the Lord. Amen."
Cardinal Beaufort.—"Is there no bribing death."
Thurlow—"I'm shot if I don't believe I'm dying."
Queen Elizabeth.—"All my possessions for a moment of time."

Miser Swimm Dying — Buried $78,000, No One Knows Where

Ohio, 1895

MISER SWIMM DYING.

Unable to Tell Where His Money Is Concealed.

HE BURIED IT SOMEWHERE.

Suffering From a Stroke of Paralysis Which Will Undoubtedly Cause His Death, He Endeavors by Signs to Tell Where It Is Planted but Can Not. How He Surprised a Kenton Attorney.

COLUMBUS, O., April 8. — In his dying hours the mind of the aged miser, John Swimm, turns back toward his hidden treasures. The stroke of paralysis he suffered a few days ago, however, renders him speechless, and he can not tell where the fortune is buried. He tries to talk of it, and makes signs to indicate the location of the place where the money lies, but no one can understand him. The indications are that be will die without revealing the hiding place of his hoarded wealth. The only things he can leave behind him for the benefit of others, under the present circumstances, are his farm lands, valued at from $15,000 to $30,000.

Planted His Hoard.

It is undoubtedly a fact that the old man has planted considerable wealth. Some place in this wide domain of Uncle Sam's there might be found $78,000 that was placed underneath the ground by the miser. There is reliable foundation for the statement that he has buried this amount. The authority for it is General M. B. Walker of Kenton, a well known attorney, and a man of the utmost veracity. The story goes back to about 15 years ago. Swimm was then on one of his tramps about the country. At Kenton one night be was sleeping in a fence corner, and on awakening the next morning

Claimed to Have Been Robbed

of $10,000 during the night. He caused the arrest of two men who were subsequently acquitted. Then these two men in turn sued the miser for $10,000 damages for false arrest. General Walker was the attorney for Swimm. During the trial of the case one of the attorneys for the plaintiffs sarcastically remarked that he did not believe the old codger had 10,000 cents, let alone $10,000. This angered Swimm, and later in the day, in General Walker's office, he demonstrated to his attorney that he not only had $10,000 but considerable more. He dug down into the lining of his clothes and

Produced $78,000

in greenbacks. General Walker not only saw the money, but had it in We hands. At the time Swimm told the general that be intended to bury the money and take no more chances of being robbed. Shortly afterward he left the place, and a week later General Walker received a letter from the old man in which he stated the small fortune had been duly planted. It is believed the treasure is somewhere in Indiana.

What Do People See, Feel When They're Hanged?

1878

The Sensations of Hanging.

Some time since, says an exchange, the American press was discussing the question: "Does it hurt a man to hang him?" The conclusion arrived at seemed to be that hanging was a painless death.

Now some of the English magazines are speculating on the sensations of a hanged person, and they almost make out that hanging is rather a pleasurable and desirable operation. One person who was hung, to all intents and purposes, and afterwards revived, declared that he felt no pain, his only sensations were of fire before his eyes, which changed first to black and then to sky-blue. These colors are even a source of pleasure. A culprit who was revived when almost dead, complained that, having lost all pain in an instant, he had been taken from a light of which the charm defied description. Another criminal, who escaped through the breaking of the halter, said that, after a second or two of suffering, a light appeared, and across it a most beautiful avenue of trees."

All agree that the uneasiness is quite momentary, that a pleasurable feeling succeeds, that colors of various hues start up before the eyes, and that these having been gazed at for a limited space, the rest is oblivion. If this is the case, murderers may regret the law that consigns them to a living tomb instead of treating them to an entertaining chromatic exhibition.

Railroad Officials Rush Father to See Dying Child

Syracuse, New York, 1919

RAILROAD HEADS RUSH FATHER TO SEE DYING CHILD

Central Officials Break Empire Train Rule for Syracuse Manager

Through efforts of New York Central officials, J. W. Morey, with offices here, was able to reach his home at Grand View and the bedside of his 5-year-old daughter who was dying from burns, five hours earlier than he could have done except for the consideration of the railroad.

He left on the Empire, which broke its rule and stopped at Tarrytown. The engineer was told to lose no time, and he pulled into Tarrytown four minutes ahead of schedule. Central officials arranged to have the ferry at Tarrytown wait for the Empire and carry the father across the river to Grand View. The child was burned while playing near a bonfire. Mr. Morey is representative of the Westinghouse Lamp company, with offices in the University block. he has a suite at the Onondaga hotel.

--Syracuse Herald, Syracuse, New York, September 12, 1919, page 10.