Shrapnel (Pointed Humor)

1916

A doctor's pills may cure some ill — but not ill humor.

Courtship is a game in which a girl plays her heart against a man's diamond.

If women looked like the pictures in fashion magazines men would take to the woods.

It isn't necessary for a man to be a hypnotist in order to get his mind concentrated on the toothpick.

If time were money, the average man would have his watch geared to run forty-eight hours a day.

A young widow knows that the easiest way to catch a successor to the late lamented is to run away from him.

If the phoenix of common sense rises from the ashes of a fool's money the conflagration has not been in vain.

Possibly an honest man might be otherwise if an opportunity worth while were to knock at his front door.

Wise Words — "Get Experience Firsthand"

1896

Get your experience firsthand.

A burnt child dreads a whipping.

It is easy to make a failure of success.

Women make friends; men keep them.

Every man has enemies of whom he is justly proud.

If there were no wise men there would be no fools.

There is an old saw to cover every species of deviltry.

There are many days when the road seems to be all uphill.

Believe only half that you hear, and tell only half that you believe.

With a good many women interest is only another name for curiosity.

Some men reach a turning point in life every time a pretty woman passes.

Economy follows the acquisition of wealth about as often as it precedes it.

The average popular song attains its greatest popularity when it is forgotten.

Don't try to do right. The right is done without trying. — New York Press.

About every third woman is convinced that she is some kind of a martyr.

The man who marries only to "get a home" shouldn't kick if he doesn't get one.

Women will do much to please the men but more from fear of what other women will say about them.

Whenever a man does anything especially mean he is prone to lay the blame on poor, weak human nature.