Keeping His Word

1904

Sandy is the resident janitor of one of the smaller colleges. He is a bit of a character in his way, and makes an effort not to be outdone by the students. The success is sometimes on one side, sometimes on the other. Sandy owned a little mean-looking dog, of which he was fond. He was treated to much good-humored chaff about the dog, but always replied in kind, frequently asserting, "I widna tak twinty dulthers for ma wee doggy."

A few of the more waggish freshmen made up their minds to test Sandy's assertion. Between them they made up twenty dollars, and one of their number was authorized on the first favorable opportunity to make Sandy an offer.

As was quite common with him, Sandy happened into the cloak-room between lectures. The dog soon became a subject of debate, and out came Sandy's statement, "I widna tak twinty dulthers for ma wee doggy."

"Well, Sandy," said a young freshman, "I would like to have that dog, and here's twenty dollars if you'll sell him," He counted the money out on the table near Sandy.

Without a smile Sandy gravely put his hand in his pocket, drew out a fifty-cent piece, and laid it on the table, at the same time pocketing the twenty dollars. "I didna say I widna tak nineteen fufty. The wee doggy's yourn."


The Test
By John B. Tabb

The dead there are, who live;
The living, who are dead:
The poor, who still can give;
The rich, who lack for bread:
By Love it is, and Love alone,
That Life or Luxury is known.

The Master Key of the Janitor

1903

An Ingenious Invention That Is Open Sesame to All Offices

The loss of a master key by a janitor in a large downtown office building the other day, while occasioning considerable unrest to its former custodian and the tenants of the building, nevertheless performed a useful service by acquainting many persons with the existence of this product of the locksmith's cunning.

The master key is an ingenious invention which is the open sesame often to hundreds of offices each with its own peculiar lock, says the New York Post. Its possession by an unscrupulous person might give him an introduction to the secrets or possessions of every office in the building.

In the present case every lock in the building is being changed, and a correspondingly large number of new keys noticed. The work of fitting out a large building with keys and locks sometimes takes over a month before its successful completion, for locks, in particular, have sensitive natures, and, are often put out of condition by petty disturbances.

The task of manufacturing a master key or pass key is a delicate undertaking, and often is accomplished only after a number of composite wax impressions have been made. The first part of the key to be inserted has no effect on the lock, but simply forces an entrance. The various cuts in the edge then feel their way until one responds to some gateway in the interior of the lock.

It is easy to see how many combinations can be devised by a system of delicate cuttings on the key and of slight changes in the tightening or turning of the lock.

The Jollier (humor column)

1922

A big wheat crop is predicted. Say it with flour.

These June nights are even better than the famous Arabian nights.

Nineteen seniors at an Ohio girls' college are engaged. And yet people ask: "Does education help?"

A success is a self-starter. A failure is a self-stopper.

Hint to Ireland: An alley-apple a day won't keep the doctor away.

At the time of going to press another movie star was married.

In Indiana, a janitor stole $80,000 from the bank. This was the best he ever cleaned up.

An optimist is a man who plants an orchard near a school house.

Thanks to radio broadcasting sermons, a man can stay at home and claim he has been at church.

One way to keep a daughter at home is to feed her on onions.

A school of politics for women has opened. First lesson should be smoking bum cigars.

It's an unlucky angler who doesn't even catch one to lie about.

Americans in Germany say they are charged too much. Germans want them to feel at home.

This business revival could stand a little more shouting.

The only objection to living in the country is you have to go to town for your vacation.

No girl buying clothes wants the most she can get for her money.

In Detroit, a madman whipped his landlord and escaped. But all mad men can't do that.

We will investigate Turkish atrocities. The Turks will be glad to give a demonstration.

—The Coshocton Tribune, Coshocton, Ohio, June 19, 1922, page 4.