Snap Shots – Short Humor Snapshots

1916

Colonel Jabez Ellington, who was in 28 battles, says he has been short of breath ever since the Civil War.

Contrary to popular belief, it is the borrowed book, and not the borrowed umbrella, that never is returned.

Men should try for both speed and endurance. It is the only way in which they can hope to outrun the women.

Buck Kilby says there is only one thing worse than having a tooth pulled, and that only a woman can know what it is.

The gift of perception is not one common to the people, but if a man brays long enough and loud enough his ears eventually will be discovered.

The postcard has its uses. For those who wish to write: "Having a good time; give my regards to the bunch," it probably is the most convenient form of long-distance communication. — Pittsburgh Dispatch.

Why Married Men Live Long

1916

The reason a married man lives longer than a single man is because the single man leads a selfish existence. A married man can double his pleasures. Any time he has a streak of good luck it tickles him all over, but it makes him feel twice as good when he tells his wife about it. And she is so pleased and proud that he feels like a two-year-old. There isn't a chance in the world of a man's arteries hardening or his heart weakening when he can get a million dollars' worth of pleasure out of making his wife happy. — Cincinnati Enquirer.


Too Thorough

"Why don't you try to make your constituents understand problems of government?"
"That's what I have done," replied Senator Sorghum. "I have been too thorough about it. A lot of them now think that they can give advice instead of taking it." — Washington Star.

—Stevens Point Daily Journal, Stevens Point, Wisconsin, July 29, 1916, page 3.