Short Shorts

1900

Conventional Wisdom

The duelist's aim is at the point of honor.

Some business men only win financial success through failures.

The fresh young man is generally not worth his salt.

If a lazy man is comfortable he is happy.

The woman who is fond of home isn't necessarily homely.

A vain woman is like a street piano — she is full of airs.

Never judge a man by his relatives — they are not of his own selection.

Every man who isn't prominent imagines he will be some day.

The boy who works in a bowling alley earns his pin money.

The aristocratic dentist should be a man of excellent extraction.

There are few people who think they are worse than they really are.

Wit is a diamond in the rough that is polished by adversity.

The only step from the sublime to the ridiculous is usually a short one.

The flustrated bride usually has all sorts of presence except presence of mind.

He who lacks time to make also lacks time to mend.

A woman who probably speaks from experience says a husband who can be led isn't worth leading.

You will observe that men who post as fancy whistlers seldom amount to much.

Return good for evil. If your enemy heaps coals of fire on your head, pile chunks of ice on his.

Thieves Steal House

1907

MINNEAPOLIS, Minn., Oct. 11. — Having stolen a launch from Minnetonka, thieves have now taken away a cottage. The cottage was not very big, but it was a shelter for August Brusven when he was forced to remain at the lake over night. It was big enough for two men to live in comfortably and when Mr. Brusven went to the lake yesterday to lock up the house for the winter he found it had been carted away and nothing was left but the foundation. No trace of the missing launch has been found although the detectives have searched carefully for clues.


Fillers

Those people who are always thinking that the newspapers are "hitting" at them, are advised to look through the Bible; they will find many flings at them in the Good Book.

A girl thinks she is having a good time when she is allowed to do something she thought would be fun because she wasn't allowed to.

A strong man is sometimes influenced by a weak woman, but a strong woman is never influenced by a weak man.

It's nothing but a cackling kind of piety that can be made with a tailor's goose.

Age fills out and rounds off a man's nose; but the older a woman the sharper her nose becomes.

Some folks think they have lots of grit because they know how to grind their neighbors.

How a thief must laugh to read in the papers that the $5 watch he stole the night before is valued at $200 by its owner.