A Better Record-Book

1904

The shrewd comment of a Lancashire blacksmith, whose wits had not been dulled by over-education, is quoted by the Cornhill Magazine. It may be suggestive to students in our universities who spend the lecture hours in scribbling notes instead of listening and understanding.

The clerk in charge of a farriery class held by the county council at Preston, England, gave a stalwart blacksmith a notebook and pencil.

"Wot's this 'ere book for?" asked toe man.

"To take notes," replied the clerk.

"'Notes?' Wot sort o' notes?"

"Why, anything that the lecturer says that you think important and want to remember you make a note of in the book."

The Lancashireman looked scornful. "Oh!" said he. "Anything I want to remember I must make a note of in this 'ere book, must I? Then wot do you think my blooming yed's for?"


For A Dog's Ear

Rossini lived before the day of special pleas for the dog, but he was sufficiently in advance of his time to recognize the equality if not the superiority of his own favorite beast.

The Gentleman's Magazine says that the late Sir Arthur Sullivan made Rossini's acquaintance in Paris.

One morning when Sullivan called to see him he found the composer trying over a piece of music.

"What is that?" asked Sullivan.

"It's my dog's birthday," Rossini replied, gravely, "and I write a little piece for him every year."

Pointed Paragraphs — Carpenters Are Counterfitters

1900

The telescope lens enchantment to the distant view.

An egg in hand is worth more than a hen in the bush.

When a woman is in love it is very apt to increase her sighs.

Woman is the only tyrant that some men are not inclined to resist.

You can always bank on finding a well-filled pocketbook interesting.

Some people evidently go to the opera just to hear themselves talk.

When a man becomes a chronic loafer he begins to prey upon his neighbors.

Every time you avoid doing wrong you increase your inclination to do right.

The police should keep an eye on carpenters; many of them are counterfitters.

It's safer to be ignorant of a secret that's dangerous to keep than it is to know it.

Age is venerable in man — and it would be in woman were she to become old.

Sometimes a man has no confidence in other men because he has none in himself.

Medicine and advice are two things that it is always more pleasant to give than to receive.

Joseph's brethren probably cast him into the pit because they thought it was a good opening for a young man.

Ice cream and bon-bons may be the food of love, but bread and meat occupy important positions on the matrimonial bill of fare.

Intuition is something that tells a woman her husband is lying when he comes home at 2 a.m. and begins to explain the whys and wherefores. — Chicago News.

"Miss Santa Claus" Suicide

Aug. 1909

Had Letters to "Kris Kringle" from Children Sent to Her and Sent Gifts

Philadelphia. — Miss Elizabeth A. Phillips, known widely as "Miss Santa Claus," committed suicide by inhaling illuminating gas. She was found in a room at her home with a gas tube in her mouth.

Friends of the woman say that her own tender heart killed her. Miss Phillips had been despondent since a young man whom she took from a prison cell stole the meager funds which she had reserved for her festivals for the children and then used her name to defraud trades people.

That the suicide was premeditated was shown by the fact that the cracks of the door and windows of the room had been carefully stopped by bed clothing. Pinned to the woman's clothing was a note which read:

"I have been in failing health for some time. I have always tried to do my best for mankind."

Miss Phillips enjoyed almost a national reputation by reason of her work at Christmas time among the poor children. For weeks prior to Christmas of each year she collected funds which she expended for toys and clothing for the needy and on Christmas eve she visited the homes of the children in a big automobile.

Two years ago, at her request, all the letters written by children and mailed to Santa Claus were delivered to her and the requests of the children, as far as possible, were complied with.

"Mrs. Grundy Says" – Comments and Asides

1895

That some are confident Hades will have to be enlarged.

That as a reckless talker the girl of the period rivals the parrot.

That unbridled, malicious tongues do as much harm as unloaded guns.

That too many lawyers labor more for their fees than for their clients.

That the sycophant finds himself entirely at home in fashionable society.

That the "fine Italian hand" is seen in some late international engagements.

That women who never went near Worth are loudest deploring his death.

That the social ascendancy of the obscure does not interest the astronomer.

That women who compromise themselves are as lost as those who hesitate.

That society women who have special means of livelihood are numerous.

That he is a foolish fellow who thinks taking the Keeley cure is a distinction.

That it would be a good thing if some of the clubs went out of existence.

That some of the "lectures" under fashionable auspices are akin to twaddle.

That "how d'do" is the only thing that does not cost money in a court of law.

That fashionable sympathy is the kind extended to get further particulars.

That with so many comic papers it is to be expected that old jokes will reappear.

That high collars are the only thing that makes some men hold up their head.

That women interviewed about their divorce are not in need of any nerve tonic.

That the commercial feature of international marriages is not given publicity.

That a power of removal bill for operation in society would be a good thing.

That everybody who is anybody appears to have arranged to "go to Europe."

That amateur poets are sometimes as much a nuisance as dogs in Constantinople.

That it is a precarious thing to change one's religion for the sake of a marriage.

Her Yawn Dislocates Jaw, Girl's Note Says

1920

Doctor Puts Painful Member Back Into Place

SAN FRANCISCO — Miss Rose Egan entered the Park Emergency Hospital and handed Dr. C. Silberman a note.

The doctor glanced at the young woman and smiled, without opening the note, the same as women are supposed to feel a letter before opening it in an effort to determine the identity of the sender.

But Miss Rose Egan did not smile. In fact, her face wore a pained expression.

So Dr. Silberman concluded he had better see what the note said.

"I have dislocated my jaw by yawning," it read.

"Will you be seated?" the doctor asked politely. Then he manipulated Miss Egan's jaw and in a moment it was back in place and the pained look had left her face.

"Just before breakfast," she explained, "I sat down to read the paper. I yawned. Something seemed to snap, and my jaw hurt. I tried rubbing it, but that made it worse."

"'Tis a pretty note," Dr. Silberman ruminated afterward. "But, for her sake, I hope she won't yawn so strenuously again."

Stevenson as Natural Vagabond Dug Power from Life

1919

Robert Louis Stevenson called himself an idler. He was a natural vagabond who loved to go in old clothes upon his own way through the strange city haunts of the disinherited or out upon the open road. He despised smug society, but talked eagerly with all sorts of men and women. Yet even as a boy he always carried a notebook and a pencil and constantly put into words what he saw and thought and felt. He wrote until his health gave way, again and again, and then he wrote of that.

Between 1873 and 1879 he produced many of the most inspiring essays of the "Virginibus Puerisque" series. The magazines published "A Lodging for the Night," "Will o' the Mill," the fantastic "New Arabian Nights," and other stories.

In 1879 he made the journey to California in steerage and emigrant-train, determined to "learn for himself the pinch of life as it is felt by the unprivileged and poor." The hardships injured his health, but did not deter him from making the first draft of "The Amateur Emigrant." He recuperated on a goat ranch near Monterey and managed to touch some neglected children. In Monterey afterward he planned his romantic comedy, "Prince Otto."

He completed the breakdown of his health by living on starvation rations in a workman's lodging in San Francisco and working feverishly. After a dangerous illness, he married and lived in the mining camp of "The Silverado Squatters."

Thus did Stevenson the idler dig his material and his power out of life itself.

Mysterious Suicide — "I Hate To Go, But I Must"

Ohio, 1878

MYSTERIOUS SUICIDE ! !

ENVELOPED IN MYSTERY — NO CAUSE ASSIGNED FOR THE RASH ACT.

Early last evening, the streets were alive with rumors that a young man had shot himself. Our reporter ascertaining his residence, visited the scene; there he found a young man lying upon the bed, a ghastly wound in the right temple, evidently inflicted by his own hand; he was breathing heavily, and apparently near death's door. He was a strong, finely built young man aged about 20 years. His people know of no cause for the act of self-immolation. All they could say, was, that he came in about 5 o'clock, went to his room, then out to the wood-shed, and to his room again, when the shot was fired. There was supposed to be a young lady mixed up in the case; our reporter called upon the lady, but she was wholly reticent, and says that it does not concern the public. As it was known that the young man had written and sent a letter by carrier, to the lady, previous to the shooting, our reporter, after super-human efforts, succeeded in enabling us to place it before our readers:

"Marion, Ohio, Jan., 17: Dear friend Annie, I am going to leave this world, I am in trouble, and I must die; so good-bye, good-bye. Tell Jane and Katy to come to my burial, and come yourself. I hate to go, but I must; I would like to see you before I go, but I cannot; good-bye, good-bye. From yours, FRANK WEAVER."

From the tone of the letter, we should judge that the young lady had nothing to do with the cause of his taking off. She certainly seems deeply grieved. The funeral will be held to-morrow at 9 o'clock. His last words were, "I did it; no one is to blame but myself."

—Daily Star, Marion, Ohio, Jan. 18, 1878, p. 4.

"Dead Man" Greets Seekers For Body

1920

Explains Mystery That Saddened Neighbors

"You Will Find Me Dead" Inscription on Door Was Error, He Says

WILCOXIE, N. H. - Phil Magg of Baxter street is much alive. Phil says he is not dead, is not ready to die and he hopes that in the future his neighbors will use more discretion, and when they think he is dead to be sure of it before they make the announcement.

Magg lives alone. He works by the day and when he leaves his house he writes on a slate: "You will find me at John Smith's" or where he is working and hangs the slate on the outside of the door.

On a recent afternoon, Mrs. Joel Batterton went to the house to get Magg to beat a carpet for her. When she reached the door she saw the slate and read this inscription: "You will find me dead."

She Notified the Neighbors

Mrs. Batterton left the place in a hurry and stopped at every house in the street and notified the neighbors of her discovery. Soon the house was surrounded by people. Deputy Sheriff L. D. Frentz was notified of the discovery and hastened to the house.

The sheriff summoned Coroner Harry McGee. The men hastened to the place, read the writing on the slate and decided that Magg had committed suicide. They broke open the door of the kitchen, searched the house from cellar to garret but could not find the body. The coroner and sheriff secured a gang of men and started them out in all directions, searching for Magg.

The men searched through the woods for a radius of three miles of the village. Barns and other buildings were entered. They returned late at night, reporting that they had made no discovery.

Searched for His Body

The next morning the entire male population and a number of women joined in the search for Mr. Magg's body. All wells and cisterns in the village were examined, but they did not contain the body. Deep creek was dragged, but to no avail.

That afternoon newspapers announced that Mr. Magg had committed suicide. Then - -

The next morning Magg walked down Main street. He was approached by the Deputy Sheriff who informed him of the proceedings. Mr. Magg replied that he had read the account of his homicide in the newspapers while in Deadwood, a village near here. The Sheriff accompanied Magg to the house and showed him the slate.

Drops of Water Erased Slate?

Magg said he had written on the slate: "You will find me at Deadwood." Magg expressed the opinion that drops of water had fallen from the eaves of the house, had struck the words at and wood, erased them and made the notice read: "You will find me dead."

The villagers are divided in their opinion. A number of them believe that boys erased the words.

Magg said he went to Deadwood to visit his son, intending to remain a week, but that he decided he had better come home and show his neighbors that he is a very active dead man.

He says that hereafter he will write his absence notice on a sheet of paper, using pen and ink.

Probably Hobo Burglars Stocking Up for Winter

Lisbon, Wisconsin, 1911

BURGLARS AT WORK

Raiding Stores in Northern Portion of The County—Schroeder Loses $100

Lisbon, Nov. 21.—Last Friday morning when Frank Schroeder went to his till he found that it had been smashed and emptied during the night and about $20 in cash taken. On further investigation he found that he was the loser of shirts, pants, coats, jewelry and watches. The loss will be hard to estimate, bit he is sure that $100 worth of goods were taken. It looks like hobos' work — just stocking up for the winter.

The long-needed electric bell is now installed at the Soo crossing in Templeton. This is one of the bad railway crossings as it is less than fifteen seconds sometimes from the time a train appears under the N.W. bridge until it crosses the highway, and the heavy grade of the N.W. road obstructs most of the noise and sound of the train and whistle, which may be sounded north of said crossing.

Mrs. Sarah and Miss Luella Bonham and Miss Winnie Campbell left Wednesday for a few weeks' visit with relatives and friends in Missouri.

Mr. and Mrs. C. C. Brown and Mrs. E. Gerken left last week Thursday for Decatur, Ill., where they will visit their sister, Mrs. Chester Christman. They expect to return this week.

Fred Stier returned Thursday from Sheldon, where he was deer hunting. He brought home one of the choicest does that ever came to this town.

George W. Elliott left Friday for Leona, where he will visit his brother, R. S. Elliott, M. D., and also to look for deer. We hope he will escape the buck fever.

There is nothing doing at the big well at the N. W. depot. The drill is stuck at the depth of 690 feet, where it has been for over a month. Charles E. Weaver, James and Robert Booth returned from Sheldon Tuesday. Charles and Bob each had a deer. Jim got a skunk.

H. W. Abel drove to Colgate Sunday, where he attended the funeral of Mrs. J. Busse.

Rev. Mr. Kaper went to Juneau last week to attend the dedicatory services of a new church on Sunday. Dr. Rollins conducted services here in his stead. The Ladies' Missionary society will meet next Wednesday with Mrs. George McKerrow. Don't forget the big fair and chicken pie supper this afternoon and evening in the M. E. church parlors.

—The Waukesha Freeman, Waukesha, Wisconsin, November 23, 1911, page 5.

Get Wise: Little Nuggets of Wisdom

Bedford, Pennsylvania, 1920

Trading a peck of trouble for a pint of whisky is a poor bargain.

The poor fellows whose thirst for whisky in Massachusetts brought them to their grave will not trust their fellow-man any longer. They've handed in their checks.

If you are the architect of fortune don't build too many castles in the air.

If you have to hit a man on the head to make him see a joke, hit him so hard that he will never see another one.

Nobody is so blind as he who refuses to see through other people.

It is well to make well rounded periods in making a speech. In fact some could devote all their time to punctuation and omit words. Everybody would be better pleased.

In these days the fellow who shoots off his mouth about prohibition isn't apt to be loaded.

When blushing, modesty gets so flustered it doesn't know which way to turn, it simply turns red.

Procrastination is the thief of time. Insomnia, is never ready to say goodbye till the alarm clock is ready to go off.

It is polite now to tell a whole country to 'dry up".

The report that the world would come to an end on December 17, caused some little stir in Bedford. However Mrs. Pedro Helwanger and some of her neighbors got consolation from the fact that if it did end they would get rid of Pedro. After Pedro learned of this conspiracy he was glad it did not come as he likes to get ahead of his wife and neighbors.

—Bedford Gazette, Bedford, Pennsylvania, January 2, 1920, page 5.

Saws Found in Jail Cells, Men Charged with Robbery

Ohio, 1917

NEARBY HAPPENINGS

Chicken Thieves Busy in Auglaize County — Current Events of Interest

Saws were found in the cells of Jonas Mann and Morgan Dunstan, at the Auglaize county jail in Wapakoneta and it is believed that they had planned to escape from the bastile. The two fellows are under arrest charged with having robbed the Victor and Ausman stores at St. Marys.

Mrs. Jacob Zahn, aged seventy years, had been visiting several weeks in Decatur previous to going to Florida to spend the winter. She started en route South, when she suffered a stroke of paralysis and was removed from the train at Portland. Later she died at the home of Nelson R. Williamson, where she has been removed.

Mrs. Benjamin Geise. aged thirty-three years, of Delphos, is dead following an operation. She was formerly Josephine Goebel and is survived by a husband and three small children, the youngest being but four weeks of age.

A chicken thief raided the Webmeyer and Fledderjohn farms in Auglaize county, selling the birds for forty dollars at New Bremen before he could be apprehended.

Seventy-five loaded cars of freight are congesting the Clover Leaf railways yards at Delphos, held there as a result of the Eastern railroad embargoes.

Judge T. T. Shaw has been selected to fill the vacancy in the Defiance Board of Education caused by the resignation of William Gieger.

Geo. W. Dyer, aged eighty-three, is dead at his late home in Buckland. He was the father of ex mayor George Dyer, Jr., of Lima.

William Harpster, of near Ottoville, formerly of Delphos, broke his right collar bone in a fall from a wagon.

—The Van Wert Daily Bulletin, Van Wert, Ohio, January 29, 1917, page 2.

Editorial Briefs and Wit

1921

A boy begins to feel the limitations of the female sex, when he comes home and his mother fails to appreciate the greatness of the fact that he caught an outfield fly.

On these hot days the men rush for relief to the soft drink places, while perspiring women look around anxiously for a beauty parlor.

In view of the fact that the debts of Europe are now computed at the very considerable sum of $956,543,784,528,639,073,729.46, it would not be advisable for Congress to spend the money they owe us until we get it.

Not many candidates for public office are studying government problems, but a lot of 'em are out shaking hands.

Many people think the school children should have free lunch which they already get now out of the cookie jar when they get home.

The glass business should be good now, with all these baseballs coming through the kitchen windows of Dolton and Riverdale during school vacation time.

One of the longest distances known to exist in this country is from home plate to left field fence.

Formerly the college students burned midnight oil preparing for their college exams; now they burn it writing to their flapper friends.

The public tendency to sympathize with the under dog is not manifested in the case of the baseball umpire.

Some people seem to think they can solve the problems that confront the nation by hollering at campaign rallies.

The generous and warm hearted sentiment is expressed that somebody else should contribute to the Near East famine sufferers.

—The Pointer, Riverdale/Dolton, Illinois, July 21, 1922, page 4.

Kissing His Sister

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Only Sensible Course
A Chicago man has been arrested for kissing his sister. This ought to convince a good many men that the only sensible course is to kiss some other fellow's sister.
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Such Is Fame
A story is told of the Englishman who was presented to Mrs. Ole Bull and said, "I have heard of your husband's adventures in the 'Far West.'" He was thinking of Sitting Bull.
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The Child and the Telephone
A child should be taught as early as possible to call at least one telephone number, a neighbor, father's place of business, or physician. I taught our little boy, who is just three, to call a neighbor's number, and twice have found it useful, once when taken very ill, and again having burned my arm badly.he was able to call and receive immediate assistance. -- Harper's Bazar.
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Wild Justice
Revenge is a kind of wild justice which the more a man's nature runs to the more ought law to weed it out. -- Bacon.
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There Kinds of Friends
We have three kinds of friends: Those who love us, those who are indifferent to us, and those who hate us. -- Chamfort.
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Prometheus Outdone
Prometheus had just stolen the fire from heaven. "That's nothing; can you light a last match?" we cried. Thus he realized his feat was little.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

Keep Your Own Secrets

Never tell your resolution beforehand. -- Seiden
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Just So
It is not every bicycle rider who can lower the record, but it s a poor bicycle that cannot lower the rider.
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Spider Builds Strong Web
Spiders are met with in the forest of Java whose webs are so strong that it requires a knife to cut through them.
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Hatpin in Cow's Heart
In the heart of a cow that died at Tamworth, New South Wales, was found part of a hatpin 5 or 6 inches in length.
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Red Headed Dwarfs
In the Valley of Rebas, in the Pyrenees, is found a race of dwarfs. They all have red hair, broad faces and flat noses.
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Talk Less and Listen More
"In the multitude of words there wanteth not transgression, but he that refraineth his lips doeth wisely." -- Proverbs of Solomon, x:19
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In a Few Words
The short and simple annals of the "bird man." Aviation, adulation, atmospheric agitation, pulverization, cremation, canonization.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

Mind Your Own Business

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Pleasure and Business
The man who makes his business a pleasure is likely to live a good deal longer and get a good deal farther than the man who makes his pleasure a business.
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The Consultation
First Physician - "Can you make anything out of the patient's trouble?"
Second Ditto - "I think if we manage right we can make about five hundred apiece out of it."
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More Work For Dad
A local dentist is a father for a second time. His older child gazed at the new one for a few minutes and said, gravely: "Papa, here's some bridge work you'll have to do free."
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No Chance for Fraud
The German postal authorities have decreed that in the future, whenever an employee asks for a blue pencil, he must first present the stump of the old one, as a guarantee against fraud.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

A Happy Marriage

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The Modern Idea
Our idea of a happy marriage is where the wife runs the automobile and the husband paints the china.
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Not While World Lasts.
The scientists now assert that the earth is going to dry up. But it is very apparent that the scientists never will.
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Truth In a Sentence
The parent who sends his sons into the world uneducated defrauds the community of a useful citizen and bequeaths to it a nuisance.
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How to Succeed
If you wish success in life make perseverance your bosom friend, experience your wise counselor, caution your elder brother and hope your guardian genius.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

It Comes Easy

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Comes Easy
It never requires any practice to be dissatisfied.
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Births and Deaths at Sea
For every birth occurring at sea there are about 16 deaths.
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Still a Task
When life ceases to be a promise it does not cease to be a task. -- Amiel.
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The Ballot in Bolivia
Only citizens who are able to read and write have the power to vote in Bolivia.
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All in the Man
It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath. -- Aeschylus.
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Good Reason
"Cupid should be a girl." "Why?" "Because he has a string on his beau."
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Justice in London.
The administration of police and justice for a year costs London $10,000,000.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

No Kissing, Please

A woman in Pennsylvania buried the wrong man in mistake for her husband, but, when the latter turned up alive and well, stuck to the dead man. She wisely declined to have a live issue made of her mistake.
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A New Jersey magistrate has a rabbit's foot on whose powers he sets great store. To be consistent, he ought to hold his court at midnight in a graveyard and so have all the proper influences in the caste at work.
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A Harvard professor tells us that we can live on ten cents' worth of food a day, but it is evident that he has overlooked the fact that lobster costs 80 cents a pound. Possibly he expects us to take a look at the outside of a lobster can for dessert.
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A man in St. Louis signed a contract with his wife by which he agreed not to kiss or annoy her in any other way. He must have been an excessively agreeable sort of a husband if it was necessary to exact this contract. Evidently, this particular wife did not agree with Shakespeare that kisses are women's wages. Perhaps, though, she disliked them because she got no other.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.

A Poet's Union

A Baltimore bard is trying to organize a poet's union, but the scheme is likely to fail owing to the fact that all the applicants for membership wish to be walking delegates.
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Four goats, inoculated with a billion disease germs, have wandered astray in New York. However, this is not the first instance in which modern scientists have lost their goats.
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A woman in a New York town owes her safety to the fact that she wore a harem skirt and the trouser part gave her freedom to run for her life. So here is one good point registered for the persecuted apparel.
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A woman in Spokane has been graduated from a school of stenography at the age of seventy and expects to take up active work. When the spirit is so young there are no limits to activity which age can impose.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911

An Heir to the Throne

A St. Paul man has discovered that he is heir to a French throne. Our advice to him, however, is to hang onto the job he now has.
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A Lowell, Mass., cow gave seven tons of milk in one year. The world would be drowned in milk if everybody kept that kind of a cow.
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Common drinking cups have been frowned upon by law in New York. The manufacturer of the uncommon kind has perked up considerably.
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A Boston savant announces that he can photograph thought. Now we'll know what a perfect lady really thinks when she runs for a street car and just misses it.
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Poultry raising is to be taught at Rutgers college. Somebody there must have an idea that there are people who do not think they know all about raising chickens.

--The Ellis Review-Headlight, Ellis, Kansas, 1911.